The playground hummed with the rhythm of jump ropes hitting the ground. “A- one, a-two, baby got loose, better skip jump, girl, he’s coming for you.” The girls weaved in and out of the syncopated cadence of the fraying clothesline. Melquanna spied on eagerly, trying to absorb their secrets. She loved the way the other girls could move. She looked down at her big feet. They were clumsy and awkward, just like the rest of her. She felt out of place in her body. She wanted to leap from her skin and jump into the ropes.
She had tried before. “Dang girl, you clumsy. Get out.” The other girls would giggle as Melquanna flapped her arms and got entangled in the ropes. She wanted to cry, but the embarrassment was already too great a burden. She extricated herself from the ropes and ran to the other end of the playground. She usually sat there by herself, kicking pieces of sidewalk that had eroded away.
“Quanna! Quanna! Look ‘at I found!”
Juniper sometimes sat with Melquanna during recess. Juniper was a small girl, barely four and a half feet tall. She had a cute face, but was very slow. Melquanna acted like a mother around Juniper, hovering over her. It gave Melquanna a feeling of security, even though she was the one protecting Juniper. Juniper never really noticed though, and really didn’t need much protecting, at least not from the other girls. She fit in well with everyone. Quiet, but not shy, she could slip in and out of any group, even though she was not a member of any one exclusively.
“It’s a big rubber band! Maybe it worf something.” Juniper held the rock up to the sun, letting the light reflect off of it onto her clothes.
“No, June, somebody just dropped it on the sidewalk. It ain’t worth nothing.”
Juniper looked hurt. “I think it’s worf something.” She closed her hand around the
rock and slipped it into her pocket. “If it is, you ain’t gonna get any uh it.” She smiled quickly.
“I dun care, cause it ain’t worth no thing!” She tried to suppress her smile, but it cracked through her feeble skin.
“Quanna, come get chyo dinner!” Melquanna sat on her bed staring at the mirror. She was looking at her body, full of inadequacies. She knew some of the girls in school were wearing bras already. One day she had tried to wear one of her mother’s, but it was just uncomfortable the whole day. She wished she was prettier, without all her black frizzy hair. Diamond had perfect hair, and it was light brown. All the girls were always touching her hair and braiding it, and doing all sorts of neat things with each other’s hair. Melquanna couldn’t do anything with her hair. She almost cried with envy when she saw how straight and long diamond’s hair was. Diamond was perfect in everything.
Melquanna lived with her mother and two sisters. Her eldest sister, Chantal, was hardly ever home. Chantal was always screaming at their mom. Melquanna hated it when they fought. She would go into her room and squeeze her head beneath her pillow, trying to push all the bad thoughts out of her head. It never worked.
Melquanna’s other sister was only two years older than she. She wanted to go to college, and spent all of her time in her room studying. “C’mon Firenze, can’t you jis stop yo reading for a second?” Melquanna would whine.
“Not if I’m going to George Washington.” George Washington was Firenze’s El Dorado. She had brochures pinned up all over her room, and dates marked on her calendar four years in advance for when she was going to enter college. Firenze would always tell Melquanna of how things would be after she was one with college, how she was going to make a lot of money and they would move out of the city and have their own house. Melquanna didn’t really believe this, but she tried.
Their mother was an older woman, with stately gray hair and a smooth, wise face. She looked ten years older then she was, but not in a bad way. She had lived without much her whole life, giving everything she had to her girls. There was a time when she believed that one day they were going to get over the hump, but now she realized that her life was the hump. Better to embrace it.
“Quanna, you ain’t touched yo dinner all night. What’s the matter honey?”
“I jis ain’t hungry’s all.”
“You a growing girl. You got to be hungry.”
“I ain’t hungry!” Melquanna shouted. The table was suddenly silent, and all that could be heard was the clinking of utensils against the dishes.
After a pause, her mother said, “Alright. Then you can go to your room tonight.” Melquanna stomped off through the house angrily, slamming her door behind her. She threw herself down on the bed, and stared at the ceiling. She wished she was someone else, wished that she had hair like diamond. Wished that she could jump rope. The tears began to flow. She sobbed into her pillow, releasing all her anxieties into its plush curve. When she could cry no longer, she fell asleep.
The next day at school was difficult for Melquanna. Her focus drifted even more than usual. “Melquanna, what is the answer to number four?” Melquanna only returned blank stares and weak grins. “Melquanna, you have to stay in for recess,” said Ms. King. Melquanna secretly rejoiced. No jumprope today.
Ms. King sat Melquanna down as the other children ran happily to recess. “Melquanna, what’s the matter with you today? You’ve been off focus.”
“Sorry, miss. Imma trying.”
“Is everything okay? Anything you want to talk about?”
“No,” Melquanna lied. “Jis fine.” Melquanna stared at the floor cautiously, waiting for Ms. King to make some motion for her to go or stay. None came. She wanted to dissolve into the seat.
“Miss?”
“Melquanna, if you ever need to talk about anything, you can come to me. Do you know that?”
“Yes, miss.”
“Ok.” Ms. King looked at her curiously, but kindly. “You can go and play.” Melquanna rose from her chair as inconspicuously as possible and left the room. Outside, the other girls were playing hand claps. Their chanting and rhythm pulsed like a heartbeat, quickening every second. Juniper came running up to Melquanna.
“Quanna! I thought you was in trouble.”
“She said that I could go.”
“Oh.” Juniper took her hand happily, and dragged her over to a group of girls. Melquanna hung back reluctantly, watching as Juniper entered the mass of children huddled around. Juniper looked back, and saw Melquanna standing idly. “Quanna! Whachoo doin’? Get in here!” She smiled sweetly. Melquanna smiled back, and hesitantly joined the circle. The other girls were looking at her strangely. One girl said loudly, “What she doing here? Shouldn’t she be inside?” Melquanna looked in the direction of the voice and sent a bitter look, but juniper took no notice.
In the center of the circle, two girls were standing opposite each other, with Juniper’s rubber band around their ankles. Mayflower, a little Chinese girl, was hopping about the strings sprightly. “Look at that,” said Juniper. “It’s the thing I found. ‘S called Chinese jumprope. You jis leave it be, and you jump around it. Try it.” Melquanna watched as Mayflower put her feet on the strings, alternately pulling them off and placing them down again. Melquanna began to see the pattern, feeling the rhythm. She faced Mayflower, and began to jump with her. In, out, side by side. On it, in it, out again. They went faster as the girls began chanting, “Go Quanna! Go Quanna!” She could feel herself moving, but she didn’t know how. And then suddenly she felt herself smiling. She was jumping.
“Momma’s in the backyard, jumpin’, jumpin, big-footed girl is jumpin’, jumpin’, a-one, a-two, sista’s got the groove.”
Eventually the jumping stopped, and someone else got in the ropes. “Yo Quan, you wanna hold?” No one had ever asked her to hold the ropes before, because she got nervous and would spin them wrong. Now she could simply stand there.
Juniper stood behind her. “I told choo it was worf something.” The girls looked at each other. Melquanna saw for the first time saw Juniper’s innocent wisdom, and she realized that she did have a true friend.
