This is a really powerful and emotive story. I'm glad I have had the opportunity to read it, though the goriness isn't so fun to read at night when you're just about to go to sleep... oh well. There are a few spelling/grammatical mistakes in it but I really enjoyed reading your story. What did you write this for again? I want to know more about it now. I want to know why the narrator can't remember their sister clearly and why their Mother hates their Father so much for not being the strong one. I think it's probably good that in your story, you make me want to know more (unless it was only meant to be a short story) but I (as a reader) feel there needs to be more.
While I was reading it, I picked up on a few things. For example, talking about the car full of teenage girls and then driver that didn't stop. I think that in this bit, you should maybe discuss the fact that there was more than one person in the car because, in a way, having more people in the car makes the offense worse as surely someone would have made the driver stop the car? Just my ideas though.
I like the fact that you have written this to sound like the narrator is trying to dust off a long buried memory by giving more of a recap of events rather than talking about what is happening now and how they feel. They seem to talk just about, "Well... this happened. I wonder why?" instead of, "Oh my God, I can't believe this happened!"
Your writing style is unique and this story is amazing. I hope this helped! Good luck and keep writing!
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Keep writing for as long as it brings you joy!
"It's important we build up a level of trust. That way I'll catch you completely unprepared when I suddenly accuse you of murder." - Skulduggery Pleasant (read it!), Death Bringer, Derek Landy
I really like this story. you do a good job of writing as your character. Your writing is deliberate,just as your character would be after going through such a traumatic experience. It was hard to read sometimes, but i am a fan of the fact that you weren't afraid to be to descriptive with the sisters death, true it was a bit gory, but descriptive. I did notice some errors with your tenses but other than that fantastically moving story. Loved it.
Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein. — H. Jackson Brown
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Points: 1036
Reviews: 9