Young Writers Society

“Sarah, you can’t just walk out of a meeting with Mr. Robertson, what’s he going to think?”

Sarah Webster was a thirty year old lawyer and had been for nearly three years. She was successful and won most, if not all, her cases. She had never been married and she didn’t date.

“I don’t really give a damn what Mr. Robertson thinks, Paul, he’s a sexist pig.” Paul Andrews was thirty – five, he didn’t date, he had one night flings with secretaries and had never been married. “You haven’t been married and work long hours; that makes you committed. I work and have never been married; I’m controlling. You sleep around; you’re considered a player. If I slept around; I’d be considered a slut. You blow up and leave a meeting, you’re passionate. I blow up and leave a meeting, I’m emotional. It isn’t fair Paul, I can’t win.”

Intersting. Is this going to be part of a longer piece?

Nightlyowl wrote:Sarah Webster was a twenty – eight year old lawyer and had been for nearly three years

By giving her age the reader can figure she hasn't been a lawyer for long. This sentence reads awkwardly as is -- reads as if she has been a 28 year old lawyer for three years. Maybe you could say "Sarah Webster was a twenty-eight year old lawyer with a few years under her belt" or something to that effect.

Interested to see where this tale of inequality goes.

I like this. It shows that even though we have equality by law, there is still separation between genders in classification and expectations (I hope I am making sense XD )

I wish is was a bit longer though.

good story.

Hiya,
I wish it was a little longer. Also, I thought there was a little too much telling, in these sentences:

Paul Andrews was thirty – five, he didn’t date, he had one night flings with secretaries and had never been married.

Sarah Webster was a thirty year old lawyer and had been for nearly three years. She was successful and won most, if not all, her cases. She had never been married and she didn’t date.

Maybe if you make the above facts a little obvious through dialogue or whatever, instead of just telling the reader? Otherwise, good, I liked the last line of dialogue. Keep it up!

Well though I'd love to make it longer, its for a competition with 150 words or less. So that's all that I was able to do. I hope that explains why its so short. I'm glad you all liked it!

Nightlyowl wrote:“Sarah, you can’t just walk out of a meeting with Mr. Robertson, what’s he going to think?”

Sarah Webster had been with the company since she was 27 and after three years she was successful and won most of her cases. She didn’t date.

“I don’t really give a damn what Mr. Robertson thinks, Paul, he’s a sexist pig.” Paul Andrews was thirty – five, he didn’t date, he had one night flings with secretaries and had never been married. “You haven’t been married and work long hours; that makes you committed. I work and have never been married; I’m controlling. You sleep around; you’re considered a player. If I slept around; I’d be considered a slut. You blow up and leave a meeting, you’re passionate. I blow up and leave a meeting, I’m emotional. It isn’t fair Paul, I can’t win.”

I liked this. I made a couple of little changes you might notice just to tweak it. In my opinion it is too literal. The characters don't show us, it is all just dumped on is in the dialogue. But it was a pleasing read nonetheless!