My Great In Day Detail

Spoiler

So I was meant to describe my day in great detail as one of my tumblr 30 day challenge, challenges. Here's what I came up with.

Today, I woke up. As soon as I got out of bed I was attacked by a flying pig that then demanded I give him chocolate. I, of course, politely declined, stating that I prefer to keep my chocolate to myself. Mr.Pig was furious. He was so furious in fact, that he exploded. But it was all good, because he was like a large piñata filled with candy canes and marshmallows.

So I picked up some of the candy canes and marshmallows and decided to get dressed. Luckily, that took no time and there were no obstacles that I faced as I put on the large blue shirt. I decided against wearing trousers as the shirt went down to my knees.

I went out, just to see Mrs. Flying Pig. She demanded to know where her husband had gone and when I explained that he had exploded, she shook her head in disbelief and snatched some of the candy cane that I had collected from him and proceeded to eat it.

‘Mmm.’ She said. ‘At least he tastes good.’

This, of course, was only slightly creepy.

Thankfully, my ride arrived at that very instant. A large flying carpet, where Aladdin, Winnie the pooh and Cruella De Vill were already chilling. Cruella looked like the walking talking skeleton she is, the effects of smoking I suppose. Winnie said something about living one day less than me because he didn’t want to live without me and Aladdin just started singing some cheesy Disney song. So typical.

Thank God there was no traffic and we got to school on time. But unfortunately, Lordi had taken over the school and they were busy singing ‘Hard Rock Hallelujah’ and turning everyone into zombies.

‘Bleh.’I said,bored.

So we turned around and decided to chill at the nearby diner instead. I was just about to take a big bite out of my burger, when this guy who claimed he was an angel flew in and started to sing ‘Beauty School Drop Out’, he advised me to ‘Go back to high school.’ I laughed good heartedly and said ‘Dude, take your aluminium foil wings and go back to freakin’ Grease, I’m not Frenchie.’ He then noticed that I didn’t have pink hair and looked very disturbed by his mistake.

Ah well. These things happen.

Who should walk in then, but Darth Vader.

Yep.

He then turned to me and said in a very grave voice:

‘I am your father.’

At this point, I’d had enough. I threw my sandwich at Aladdin, who was nicking a cookie from the counter and I stormed out.

There was a unicorn standing in front of the drive through. She was busily drinking a milk shake and all of a sudden Voldemort shows up and starts chatting her up! I mean, hello?! Here I am, wearing nothing but a shirt and he chats up a freakin’ unicorn!! ‘

So he said:

‘Hey gorgeous, are you from Tennessee? Because, baby, you’re the only ten I see around here.’

‘Um no.’ The unicorn replied in a feminine voice as she slurped her milkshake. Despite the lame reply, Voldemort did not look concerned.

‘The word of the day is legs. Do you want to go back to mine and spread the word?’

‘How do you spread a word?’ The unicorn replied, intelligently. Obviously a blond one that one.

I walked away, because blondness is contagious.

Next thing I know, some glittery dude walked up to me and looks me up and down.

‘You’re my personal brand of heroin.’ He said.

‘Um okay.’ I replied. I just realized how the unicorn must have felt.

‘And then the lion fell in love with the lamb…’ He whispered in this really creepy tone.

‘Are you implying that I am a sheep?’ I looked at him in disgust and walk away.

‘Bella, wait!’ He called after me.

‘It’s Stela, you glittering chauvinist pig.’ I growled.

I reached the Moulin Rouge. It’s a really nice place where all kinds of awesome people hang out. Tyler Durden for example. He’s always here drowning his sorrows. He so doesn’t like being someone’s alter ego.

I walked up to him and said:

‘Hi Tyler.’

He turned to me, half drunk and mumbled:

‘Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.’

‘I shall keep that in mind, Tyler.’ I said as I sat at the bar next to him.

Behind me, I heard some random dude singing:

‘I hope you don’t mind what I put down in words… how wonderful life is now you’re in the world.’ I turned around expecting Ewan McGregor, instead though I saw Elton John.

Well, Elton is cool and all, but he’s not exactly…Ewan. I smiled politely and turned to my absinthe drink. I was disappointed when instead of Kylie Minogue dancing in a green fairy outfit, I saw Andrea Dworkin. I mean, don’t get me wrong or anything, but isn’t she supposed to be a hardcore feminist?

So yeah, I sat there chilling with Tyler and Andrea, when all of a sudden I realized it’s I went home.

Thankfully, the journey home was pretty uneventful, apart from Voldemort asking me out on a date (the unicorn turned him down) and this sparkling idiot being killed by a bunch of other sparkling idiots because he’s not allowed to sparkle in public. Ah well.

I got home, took off my shirt and ate some of Mr. Pig’s candy canes. All in all, a pretty average day.

This is beautiful. Literally beautiful. Overall an enjoyable read.

Comments-

I understand that this story is meant to be crazy and random; a totally non-typical day. And while it highlighted it rather well, I would love if it would be more organized. Things just randomly happen, and not a lot of time is spent on each event as it occurs. Your events flash by persontopersontoplacetothingtopersonOHWAITDETAIL!topersontoend.I want detail! I want clarity! I want... MORE OF MRS. PIG! I mean, you're freaking eating her husband? All she says is, "yummy!"; what? If you want her character to be vague and forgettable, then leave her like that. The problem is, all of your characters are vague and shallow.

I want a plot, and a few more details, not just detailflashplotflashENDING. (:

And if you want to just leave it like this, perfectly understandable. xD

~Taylor

PS- I loved your voice in this piece. You're funny and witty and it was really enjoyable!

PPS- If you want grammar suggestions and other little nitpickies, write something on my wall. (:

PPS- Kbyesnow xD

Hah, funny.

A couple of nitpicks...

So yeah, I sat there chilling with Tyler and Andrea, when all of a sudden I realized it’s I went home.

I'm guessing you meant to put "time" between "it's" and "I"

Obviously a blond one that one.

Maybe you meant for it to read this way, but those "one"s are awfully close... I would reword it.

Besides that... well, I can't really critisize because I don't think this piece was especially serious... although, if I had written something like this, I would have used more characters like Voldemort, Darth Vader and Edward... I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the unicorn or Mrs. Pig, but I don't know who Andrea Dworkin or Kylie Minogue are... You could've used Frodo, or Katniss Everdeen, or Alice (of Alice in Wonderland) or Spock... But yeah, besides that, funny XD

(and Ewan? DO YOU SEE MY AVATAR? <3<3<3)

A review as you requested! I like this. Its light and funny, and one of those things that even if you loved sparkly-Edward you aren't offended by the mocking of him. I don't have much I have to say to change it, but here we go.

I know this is meant to be purely funny and not at all serious, but when we did something similar in creative writing, the teacher stressed you don't want to stray too far from the tone a character would normally speak in. I just saw that a few places here (Voldemort is the big one - I know he is supposed to be hitting on her, but maybe make him hit on her in a way that makes him still sound like Voldemort). You don't want to lose the characters you are using completely.

Another thing is when you're having someone say something, I wouldn't break it into two lines with a colon. For some reason it seems to break it up to much and catches me up as I'm reading. Could just be me, though.

For the overall thing, I'd actually disagree with what was said above on describing. I think for the most part, people can see these characters. They know what they look like and therefore don't need you to show them. There could be a bit more description about some things, but overall I don't think its necessary to make this great. I would, however, recommend sticking to the well known characters so people can picture them, but again not necessary.

Nice job!

This story is just too cool! I think sometimes it great to push the brilliant yet depressing stories aside and read a quirky, ludicrously cheerful piece. I think, though, it needs a little more organization. Other than that I really enjoyed it! Great work!