My Mother's Legacy

Hi there!
I wrote this story for a contest. Didn't win it but I just want to share it and see what you guys think about it.


My Mother’s Legacy
Do I love my mother? Humans, since the beginning has a real tendency of giving answers to even the hardest questions. Why do we humans behave like that? Mysteries, unsolved riddles, quizzes and puzzles. We want to answer them all! But this question is neither a mystery nor a mind bender for me. The answer is crystal clear in my dreamy mind.
(Mom, you do not have to buy to the chilly sauce! Chicken burger without it tastes just fine. It is)
She was the one that brought me to school every weekday on her old Honda CB200 without fail. Education is the most important thing is this world, Daniel. She would say. She has done many magnificent things for me. Washing my clothes, cooking the meals and not to mention bringing me into this world too! Memories.
There were bad ones and good ones too. Just like a spinning wheel on a bike. Up and lows. Up and lows. But because of my beloved mother’s guidance and patience, there were plenty beautiful and meaningful moments in my life.
(so late. What? It is fine? If you say so Mom, then I would not mind. Okay, bye!)
Different people have different way of thinking. Some do not believe in God. Some are totally devoted to Him. But for me, I believe in this saying: God cannot be everywhere, so He created mothers! You must be thinking what a lame and terrible sentence that was. But a lot of truth lies secretly in it. My mom was the one that protected and cared for me in the midst of hardship. Rain, snow, hailstorm and hurricanes.
My mom would go through all that to make sure I stay out of harm’s way. When I was young and stupid, I did not realize what my mother has done for me. But as I dream of her wrinkled smiling face, I abruptly got a wave of nostalgia and was extremely grateful of her sacrifices and realize how blind I have been during all those immature days.
(You got the chilly sauce? Yeah! Thank you so much Mom! Sorry for troubling you in the first place.)
A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. The word selfish never existed in my mother’s vocabulary. The neighborhood folks really like her as she would fry spicy chicken for the orphanage nearby and do her part for the community.
If she is free, she would even assist me in my homework and studies. I still remembered that she would always whisper to me before I go to bed that the echoes of our good deeds lasts forever. Until now I hold that true to my heart.
(Let us eat supper together Mom. I know burgers are your favorite!)
I can never really describe the good heart my mom has no matter how many praises and compliments my humble mouth can produce. I will always remember her in my mind and soul until the end of days.
Nothing can erase the sacrifices and the kind acts that my mother has done in her life. She is my mentor and provider. She would always be there for me no matter what. My good friends and relatives are even admiring and respecting what a compassionate person she is.
(Let me rinse the plates, Mom. It is okay. Why? You must have had a hectic day and you’re exhausted. And)
Once, a ‘friend’ of mine stole a favorite toy that my Mom gave me for my 7th birthday. the kid never got punished. Not that I care anywhere. My mother has thought me how to forgive others and show compassion. Acquittal and mercy, that was her primary virtue that she lived by. The people that she has touched, the inspiration she gave others, and the gentleness she showed.
The love she has shown to me, the painful sacrifices she made, and the kindness she gave to the world around her. All those simple yet marvelous things have affected me into becoming what I am today. I am what I am today because of her. That was her legacy.
(Because I love you Mom……)

Hi there!

This is a nice little story about your love for your mother, very sweet.
Just a few comments and suggestions (corrections in red, suggestions in bold):

Do I love my mother? Humans, since the beginning, have had a real tendency of giving answers to even the hardest questions. Why do we humans behave like that? Mysteries, unsolved riddles, quizzes and puzzles. We want to answer them all! But this question is neither a mystery nor a mind bender for me. The answer is crystal clear in my dreamy mind.

(Mom, you do not have to buy to the chilly sauce! Chicken burger without it tastes just fine. It is) This part is very random. It sort of just pops up out of the blue, and I don't really understand what it is. Throughout the story there are quite a few of these little interruptions - are they elements of a phone call? Please specify.

She was the one that brought me to school every weekday on her old Honda CB200 without fail. Education is the most important thing is this world, Daniel, she would say. She has done many magnificent things for me. Washing my clothes, cooking the meals, and not to mention bringing me into this world too! Memories.

There were bad ones and good ones, too. Just like a spinning wheel on a bike. Ups and lows. Ups and lows. But because of my beloved mother’s guidance and patience, there were plenty beautiful and meaningful moments in my life.

(so late. What? It is fine? If you say so Mom, then I would not mind. Okay, bye!)

Different people have different way of thinking. Some do not believe in God. Some are totally devoted to Him. But for me, I believe in this saying: God cannot be everywhere, so He created mothers! I like that. I'm not sure about the exclamation mark at the end though, it sort of takes away from the seriousness of your message. You must be thinking what a lame and terrible sentence that was. But a lot of truth lies secretly in it. My mom was the one that protected and cared for me in the midst of hardship. Rain, snow, hailstorms and hurricanes.

My mom would go through all that to make sure I stay out of harm’s way. When I was young and stupid, I did not realize what my mother had done for me. But as I dream of her wrinkled smiling face, I abruptly got a wave of nostalgia and was extremely grateful of her sacrifices and realize how blind I have been during all those immature days.

(You got the chilly sauce? Yeah! Thank you so much Mom! Sorry for troubling you in the first place.)

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. The word selfish never existed in my mother’s vocabulary. The neighborhood folks really like her as she would fry spicy chicken for the orphanage nearby and do her part for the community.

If she is free, she would even assist me in my homework and studies. I still remembered that she would always whisper to me before I go to bed that the echoes of our good deeds lasts forever. Until now I hold that true to my heart.

(Let us eat supper together Mom. I know burgers are your favorite!)

I can never really describe the good heart my mom has no matter how many praises and compliments my humble mouth can produce. I will always remember her in my mind and soul until the end of days.

Nothing can erase the sacrifices and the kind acts that my mother has done in her life. She is my mentor and provider. She would always be there for me no matter what. My good friends and relatives are even admiring and respecting what a compassionate person she is.

(Let me rinse the plates, Mom. It is okay. Why? You must have had a hectic day and you’re exhausted. And)

Once, a ‘friend’ of mine stole a favorite toy that my Mom gave me for my 7th birthday. The kid never got punished. Not that I care anyway. My mother has taught me how to forgive others and show compassion. Acquittal and mercy, that was her primary virtue that she lived by. The people that she has touched, the inspiration she gave others, and the gentleness she has shown.

The love she has shown to me, the painful sacrifices she made, and the kindness she gave to the world around her. All those simple yet marvelous things have affected me into becoming what I am today. I am what I am today because of her. That was her legacy.

(Because I love you Mom……) That's a lovely ending

Overall:

As I said, this is a nice story - it's definitly true that Mothers are something special. However, I recommend that you read over this - there were a lot of little mistakes, and changes of tenses, too. About the actual story, I feel you could have given more examples as to what your mother has done for you. Yes, you say she has made painful sacrifices, that she's helped you through a lot, but you haven't told us many stories of what she has actually done for you. If you wrote about some episodes in which your mother has helped you, the reader would feel more connected to you and your mother.
So, overall, there's a nice message in this, and with more examples and a little less telling, it could be great.

Keep writing, and hope I helped!

~Lilicia

Thanx for the review!!!;)