The Cute War of the Ages. (Penguins vs. Meerkats) PART 1.

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Guido rushed across the frigid artic ground. His order from Shear was clear; to warn the others when the invasion begun.
The small colony of penguins gathered around in a semi-circle underneath the washed out cliff bottom. When he had arrived, he let out a cry in despair.
“They’re here! They’ve come!” he wailed.
Guido gasped for breath, though he had been a general for two years now, he still hadn’t been in the shape he was required to be.

The young penguins shrieked as a loud boom shook the ground. Icicles fell to the ground above them, and the mothers coved their chicks.
A tall penguin swaggered before the group, the leader of the colony.
“Let us not be alarmed! We will fight, we shall win!” he brayed.
The penguins roared and shook their wings in the air. Several of them shouted and yelled. Young penguins rushed to the fallen icicles swinging them like swords. One important thing ran through Guido’s mind…
His family.

It didn’t take long for the meerkats to arrive. Most of them ran across the freezing tundra, while some came by airplanes, plummeting to the ground. Guido rushed across the colony, calling out to his sister.
“Stand your ground penguins!” Shear shouted.
Chaos ran rampant though the penguins. Many of them ran to their homes in fear. Others ran to the infantry to fight.

Guido ran to his family, hugging his young sister.
“Be careful,” his mother said as she kissed him on the cheek.
“I promise I will mom,” he said.
The weight of the world had fallen on his shoulders when Shear had chosen him to be a leader for the infantry. A pang of sadness ached through his heart as a tear shed from his eyes. He rarely got to see his mother and sister anymore. Which was difficult since he had to lead the family after his father was killed. Guido broke away from his embrace, and gave them a farewell. Hoping he could return home after the madness.
He sighed as he marched through the snow; there was no way for the penguins to beat the meerkats. There was way to many of them; and such too few penguins. He wished he could just stay home and guard his mother and sister. If only there was a better way…
He blacked out when a grenade exploded in front of him.
“Take that sucker!!!” a meerkat soldier yelled as the bomb exploded. Snow flew through the air as Guido tumbled to the ground. He gasped for air and jumped to his feet, sliding across the ice. Pain coursed through his veins, more than the adrenaline that flowed through him.
Wading through the injured and the explosions, he finally made it to the armory. A slight tinge of regret ran through his mind, he should have stayed at the armory. Shear will tear him in two after the battle. If the meerkats don’t get to him first.

The battle raged on for hours, penguin troops had been injured but not killed. It was like the cruel meerkats wanted them to suffer and live in pain. Though… the penguins put up one wail of a fight, it was clear their kind would be permanently maimed.
“We can’t get rid of them!” Guido shouted to Shear, whom was now fighting alongside his warrior penguins.
“We have to! What else is there to do?!” Shear shouted.
“We could surrender, sir…” Guido muttered under his breath while whacking a meerkat soldier with an icicle. He slowly backed up, he had an idea. It might work, could it work? There was only one way to find out…

He flew across the ice, the drones of meerkats raged on. They had to have a leader, someone who could put an end to the madness. As he got closer to the water, he saw a giant ship.
So that’s where they’re coming from... he thought to himself as he watched them rush out of the monsterous ship. Fear washed over him like a raging wave, what if they killed him? He just had to try… Perhaps they would not kill him if he came unarmed. He dropped him icicle in the snow and covered it up.
As he approached the ship, two meerkat guards jumped him, knocking him to the ground.
“Who are you and what do you want!?” the short, fat one asked.
“I’m Guido, I’m with the Penguin Guard. I come to request an armistice,” Guido said, gasping for air.
“We should kill him,” the taller, muscular meerkat snickered.
“We can’t! It’s against the orders of Sniks!”
“She won’t care. ‘Cause she won’t find out!” the meerkat snickered again, an evil grin formed across his face.
“EXCUSE ME?!” a female voice barreled.
A tall, young meerkat trotted forward. Armed with grenades and pistols, she held on to her dagger with one hand. A small crown sat atop her head as her red robe fluttered through the chilling breeze.
“So sorry, mum. I didn’t mean it, mum. Please don’t throw me into the dungeons, mum,” the guard stuttered as he slowly backed away.
“Be gone with you. I don’t want to see you again,” she shooed him away. “Now what can I do for you, brave, but foolish penguin?”
“I’ve come to invoke a truce. A partnership with the meerkats and penguins… Why exactly do you fight us anyways?” Guido stared at the ground.
“You bloody penguins! So clueless to the world!!” Sniks threw her hands towards the sky. “In a land far, far away, humans are fighting over who is cuter… Us,” she combed through her ginger hair. “Or you,” she scoffed at Guido. “If we could get rid of you morons. We could be the cutest of them all!!”

Guido stared at the meerkat, she was obviously insane. To think that there were human beings. Foolish meerkat, everyone knows humans don’t exist! He shouldn’t argue with the beast, so he played along…
“We could join forces, and both of us be the… ‘cutest’.”
“Nonsense!” she barked, waving her dagger through the air.
What could Guido do? There had to be a way to get through to her… to make peace with the creatures.

Look for part two next week!
Star light; star bright,
It is time to take flight.
Off I go through the dark of night.
All my hopes and dreams in sight.




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Oh my gosh Fluffy xD Do you have any idea how much you made me laugh while I read this? I was going to be cool and write you a review and everything... but I am SO not picking this apart. It's too much of the epics.

But we all know (now) where I stand on this whole war thing. Goats pwn.

(PM me with Part II or I'll hunt you down!)
Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurl.

got trans?




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LPR, you are truly worthy of the penguin badge. ^^

So, first of all...I loved this story. Not just because you put me in here and stuffed it with penguin awesomeness but because you were able to really able to put some humor, action and plot into here without losing the main focus of the story. This actually really excited me and I'm super glad you decided to make a story out of this!

It was written quite well, not many nitpicks. My favorite part was probably the ending where 'Skins' appeared and began fighting because of 'cuteness' also the whole humans don't exist deal. You actually make me laugh out loud. ^^
Our main protagonist here, Guido, is pretty sweet. Remind me to promote him later. He deserves a penguin badge too.

Since I'm naturally a reviewer, I can't help but pick a few things out.
“Take that sucker!!!” a meerkat soldier yelled as the bomb exploded.

Funny but I think one exclamation mark can suffice.
Also, I love how firefox thinks 'meerkat'' is not a word. XD
“We could surrender, sir…” Guido muttered under his breath while whacking a meerkat soldier with an icicle.

Why? Why surrender? I would've liked to know this thoughts behind this.
Obviously, the war is harsh and the Meerkats are evil. >.>
Why would he want to give up to the meerkats? Some more emotion or explanation to this would've been nice too.

Overall though, I think you did very well. I found this highly entertaining!
I can't wait until you post the next part. I'm actually quite curious to see where this all goes and how the battle plays out. Maybe you'll write the ending based on what happens between our two meerkat/penguin clubs. I want peace though. ^^

Good job, Granddaughter!
-Shear
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-W. Somerset Maugham




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Hey, my dearest niece, Uncle here to review. =))

I guess this is the very first review you'll be receiving from me, eh?

NITPICKS|PAY ATTENTION|CHANGED

His order from Shear was clear; to warn the others when the invasion began.


The semicolon should be either a dash or a colon, or a comma, I guess. Pay attention here--you don't use a semicolon to set aside phrases. "To warn the others when the invasion began" is not a sentence. Semicolons are used to separate two independent clauses, or simple, two sentences.

You also used the wrong tense here. "Begun" is used when there is the auxiliary verbs has, had, or have. I changed it to began; but I would prefer it to be "had begun", I guess.

The small colony of penguins gathered around in a semi-circle underneath the washed out cliff bottom. When he had arrived, he let out a cry in despair.


You might want to change that to "Guido". Why? Because you've already mentioned a bunch of penguins. Repeating who the "he" was would be better. ;] Trust me.

Young penguins rushed to the fallen icicles, swinging them like swords.


One important thing ran through Guido’s mind--his family.


He rarely got to see his mother and sister anymore, which was difficult since he had to lead the family after his father was killed.


Guido broke away from his embrace, and gave them a farewell, hoping he could return home after the madness.


Comma unnecessary. ;]

He sighed as he marched through the snow; there was no way for the penguins to beat the meerkats. There was way to many of them; and such too few penguins.


You used "way" twice. Nothing wrong with that really, but you used for two different meanings. I'd delete the second "way" and just use "too". (I think "to" was just a typo, right? =] )

P.S. second semicolon unnecessary.

He blacked out when a grenade exploded in front of him.


I find this too abrupt. I'd prefer reading first how he ran or went out to the icy coldness first before--that.

“Take that sucker!!!” a meerkat soldier yelled as the bomb exploded.


Use only one exclamation point. If you want to emphasize the soldier's loud yelling, then use an adverb.

Oh, and also, I think this would be better if you mentioned this first before Guido blocked out? That would be fairly better.

Shear would tear him in two after the battle. If the meerkats didn't get to him first.


The battle raged on for hours, penguin troops had been injured but not killed.


Put a period there instead of a comma. If you keep doing this, you'd end up with a bunch of run-on sentences.

Though… the penguins put up one wail of a fight, it was clear their kind would be permanently maimed.


That word was just out of place. O.o

“We can’t get rid of them!” Guido shouted to Shear, whom was now fighting alongside his warrior penguins.


"Who". Okay, distinguishing whether to use who or whom, you should review I.O. and D.O. =)) Don't worry, once you get it, it's really easy.

“We have to! What else is there to do?!” Shear shouted.


Delete the exclamation point. As I have previously mentioned, put an adverb instead, or an action indicating that Shear was furious/ frustrated. =))

He slowly backed up. He had an idea. It might work. Could it work? There was only one way to find out…


The ellipsis would be better off... O.o

He dropped his icicle in the snow and covered it up.


As he approached the ship, two meerkat guards jumped on him, knocking him to the ground.


“EXCUSE ME?!” a female voice barreled.


The caps and the two punctuations are making me feel like I'm reading a comic book.

“So sorry, mum. I didn’t mean it, mum. Please don’t throw me into the dungeons, mum,” the guard stuttered as he slowly backed away.


I think those "mum"s are suppose to be "ma'am"s ?? O.o

“Be gone with you. I don’t want to see you again,” she shooed him away. “Now what can I do for you, brave, but foolish penguin?”


BEST EVER!

Guido stared at the meerkat, she was obviously insane to think that there were human beings. Foolish meerkat, everyone knew humans didn't exist! He shouldn’t argue with the beast, so he played along.


OVERALL GRAMMAR/STRUCTURE

Okay, so Uncle is done nitpicking. I don't actually care if this is for serious or just for fun, but please consider my comments because I want you to learn and improve in your writing.

First, the paragraph placement sometimes is awkward. For example:

A tall penguin swaggered before the group, the leader of the colony.

“Let us not be alarmed! We will fight, we shall win!” he brayed.


Note: the new paragraph is not needed. Well, because that penguin himself said the dialogue. I know, you're sticking to the rule of 'new dialogue new paragraph', but that's not necessarily so. The only way that I could help you understand this is by your reading of other's works. Make sure that when you absorb other's works, those works are published, preferably award-winning books which were already edited thoroughly. Afterwards, you'll get what I mean.

Second, there were slippin' tenses (which I've pointed out), but that's not a big problem.

OVERALL STORY

Characters are awesome. I love Guido. As a matter of fact, I'm changing my name to Guido. LOL kidding. And SHEAR! My Dad is there. LOL He's so--stupid, trying to be all "penguin pride". Haha! (He already reviewed this. Any chance he'd see this? O.o I'm dead.) And also the meerkat queen? haha! Awesome, such funny characters.

Plot, was also fairly good. I had a shock that you thought of all of this. It was funny and everything. The twist is fun. That meerkats believed humans existed, while the penguins didn't. Such fun reading! And I laughed. LOL So--*voice breaks* niece *wipes tears* I'm so proud of you. Your uncle is truly proud of you. So don't waste this review and go to the perfection! The penguin family salutes you and supports you. That is all.

~ Uncle Jash ♥

P.S. The only plot nitpick WHAT ON EARTH ARE MEERKATS DOING IN THE ARTIC ZONES?! O.o They're going through all of this trouble just to be the cutest? HAHAHHAHAHAHA...

P.S.S. I'll bake you a cake for this, sweetie. ;** But share with your cousin, MilknCookies, kay? Love you.
“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen:
not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”


—C.S. LEWIS


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Love this story. And the name Guido--perfect for a penguin. :)

Guido rushed across the frigid artic ground. His order from Shear was clear; to warn the others when the invasion begun.


Began. Begun only goes with "had": "when the invasion had begun."

Guido gasped for breath, semicolon here though he had been a general for two years now, he still hadn’t been wasn't in the shape he was required to be in.


With the hadn't been/wasn't deal, you changed tenses from past to super-past (that's not a real term, but I can't think of it now, so hopefully it makes sense).

The young penguins shrieked as a loud boom shook the ground. Icicles fell to the ground above them, and the mothers coved their chicks.


There's ground above them? And I think you mean "covered."

“In a land far, far away, humans are fighting over who is cuter… Us,” she combed through her ginger hair.


*love*

Foolish meerkat, everyone knows humans don’t exist!


Is this a direct thought? If so, italics. If not, then "knows" should be "knew."

Hehe I look forward to seeing the next chapter! :D
Last edited by Ranger Hawk on Sat Nov 27, 2010 5:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Ah... You penguiners. Twisting the truth... *Shakes head*

Although you may have made meerkats sound like demons from the depths of Africa - even if they were in the Arctic in this story, this was very entertaining. Good job, Eugene. Good job. :D

Spoiler
P.S The meerkat's side of the story will be up soon. ;)
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The officer in the first picture sure looks like a Nazi.


Just sayin'.


Go Penguins~




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This was hilarious. Seriously, this website is gone out of wack. But we're using our creativity, so.... :D

Great job, Grand-Daughter!

GranMummy.




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I honesty couldn't stop laughing while reading this. Those pictures at the begining were so cute :) What YWS has come to... the battle of penguins and meercats, but in Isha's case, goats.

Icicles fell to the ground above them, and the mothers coved their chicks.


Simple spelling error. Coved = covered.

Overall, nice job. Can't wait till part two :D
the purposes of a man's heart are deep waters but a man of understanding draws them out

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If I would take this seriously, I would mention the mistakes I noticed. But, since this is the Cute War of the Ages, I'll let it through xD. :D This story is just epic. It's like a fun break from all the seriousness in YWS. :D

PM me for the part 2. :D
“(...) and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” - Gandalf, The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring




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I ABSOLUTLEY LOVE IT! Personally, I think Prarie dogs are cuter than Meerkrats but *Cowers from Skins* stil love the idea and can't wait for part two! Maybe add in a giant fluffy kitty?
I have loved the words and I have hated them. I only hope I have made them right.

---The Book Thief---

Hi, I'm Sunshine! It's lovely to meet you!



I'll show my defiance through ironic obedience!
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