Scheherazade

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When you tell your secrets to the dark, you don’t expect it to share some of its own in return.

That’s because you’re not Tony.

When he is five the shadows slither up the wall and creep into his room through the foggy cracked window, extend their fingers across the ceiling and open their blind gaping eyes to look at him, tiny Tony with his knees pulled to his chest and with the blankets cast in a tangled heap at the foot of the bed.

And Tony looks back and smiles up at them, and when they ask Why aren’t you afraid he says Why would I be? They laugh in a flicker of black-on-grey at him, like a flutter of feathers and crows in the night, and say, We like you, in a voice like rumbling thunderstorms, like rain over rooftops. Tony looks at them, at the way they crowd around his bed in a weightless mass, and then he is laughing too, and for the first time in his life when he falls asleep he is not alone.

They come again, on the nights when the moon is absent or when the wind their brother veils her pale face in embroideries of stratus lines and cirrus swirls; they come to him when he can not sleep, tell him the stories his mother will not—can not—tell him, and when he falls asleep they curl like a shawl over the thin curves of his shoulders and thread immaterial fingers through the kitten-soft mess of his hair. In Tony’s dreams he walks down a rough, darkening path, and is not afraid; when he falls shadows swarm and lift him to his feet, and lick at the scrapes the rocks underfoot have left on him.

He is still bleeding when he wakes up.

*


Are you going to hurt me?

Do you want us to?

No.

Then why would we?

*


Tony is seven, all huge eyes and messy hair and a little smile like he knows something you don’t, and sometimes when he thinks no one’s watching he cocks his head a little to the side, like he’s listening to a voice no one else can hear. Tony’s not a scary kid, but there’s something in the way he looks at you that makes everyone uneasy, even if no one’s sure exactly why.

Tell me a story, Tony says, and his shadow on the wall turns and tilts its head. About what? He shrugs, and then nods towards the girl jumping rope across the courtyard. Tell me about her.

He does not start when the dark subtly shifts and coalesces into what might, if you were to very carefully not look at it and just keep it at the corner of your eye, pass as a bird, or perhaps a rat, or a scuttling mass of dull, dark beetles. Tony feels the weight of that hollow, cloying gaze, and waits, and smiles when the rumbling voice rises behind him, close enough to touch, close enough that he’d have been able to feel its breathing on his skin had it needed to breathe.

On her sixth birthday her mother gave her paint and a hug. Her father said nothing, because he’d never been good with words, but he took her to the ocean for the first time, and he showed her the sunset over the waves and taught her the way sand felt sifting through the spaces in cupped hands. Then he turned his eyes away from her, and she stepped into the water and was caught by the current, pulled under. She did not close her eyes; through the foam and the sand she thought she could see something, or someone, she’d been waiting for her whole life, and when her father’s arms closed around her and pulled her out it was the worst thing that’d ever happened to her.

And then?

Her mother bought more paint, and wondered what is was her daughter tried to depict when she poured blues and teals, browns and purples, reds and whites all over the canvas. Her father never took her to the sea again. Sometimes when she wakes up there is a taste of salt at the back of her throat and her cheeks are wet, but no one knows that but her.

And us, Tony says.

And us, the shadows agree, and melt back into nothingness.

*


Can you go crazy when you're only seven?

Yes.

Am I crazy?

Does it matter?

I don't know.

*


Tony is nine, and the shadows swirl like inverted fireflies around his head; he knows now that the boy next to him watched his old house go up in flames; knows there are burn scars over his heart, even though he always wears two layers of clothes at least because he doesn't like the way they look, and because whenever he sees them in the mirror when he's at home he starts shaking and seeing fire flickering at the edges of his vision, and his hands reach for lighters whenever he's not paying attention. Tony knows how the fire started, just like he knows the boy has made himself forget who exactly had been playing with the matches that day. It's tragic, the fire that comes two months after the shadows tell him of this. Tragic, but not quite unexpected. Tony watches the news, and then goes up, to another story.

Tony knows his teacher has never forgotten the face of her baby when it was born, early and unmoving and so silent she'd thought at first it'd been some sort of dream, some sort of nightmare. Tony knows she blames herself for it. He knows she hasn't talked to her sisters in years, and she dreads family reunions so much it hurts. The darkness tells him this as it lies at his feet and bares its puppy-sharp teeth at him in class, and he reaches down as though to scratch behind fuzzy black ears before he catches himself. She must be lonely, he says only, and the dark curls tighter around him that night.

He knows the old man next door sees people that have been dead for years. His grandchildren are worried about him, but he won't talk to them; his wife's smile is still as tender as it was fifty three years ago, and he knows that if he ever looked away she wouldn't be there when he turned back. How many shapes can you take? Tony asks, and it chirps gleefully, mysteriously. We are as dreams, Tony, it sings, we can be anything. The old man is gone one day. His daughter says, when Tony comes to ask, that he's happy now, and with the people he loves. Tony nods knowingly, sympathetically, and his shadow laughs, unnoticed.

And the lady at the supermarket was in a car crash when she was thirteen and she's hasn't been able to walk properly ever since. At night she reads and reads dull old tomes and cheap newspapers, anything that will distract her from the lights flashing through the windows from the street outside. Tony almost suggests his favorite book to her one day, but the shadows catch him before he can open his mouth or even just walk up to her; it curls at his ankle and up to his knees and to his hips, hissing and heavy and with a gaze Tony has still not learned to meet. This is not your story, the shadow says, and Tony nods, slowly, and understands. His hand stings where the shadowy fangs have sunk, but when there is a sharp, painful tug he does not breathe a word and merely follows. What happens next? he asks, and the shadows wriggle over the wall, like they don't know anymore than he does. Oh, Tony says, and that's that.

*


Do you have a name?

We have many.

What are they?

We shall give them to you. Soon, but not today.

*


There is a boy, the dark says, and Tony listens. Tony is twelve and looks tired all the time and behind his eyes dark things move, like sharks in the depths of the seas. There are darker, more dangerous things in the world, and they can often be found strolling at his side, but that is a sight reserved to him, and him only.

Tony knows what happened to the people who used to live in his house, and who founded the town, and how his parents met, and how they came to hate each other and how he could have had a little brother if things had gone just a bit different. It's a good thing Tony can keep secrets, he thinks sometimes, but it's not like he has anyone to share them with so really it's more or less irrelevant.

There is a boy, and a foggy night, and loneliness thicker than all the blankets in the world. There is a window, and an old tree in front of it, and there are shadows, quiet and shapeless.

Tony,
they say, and it is the first time they have called him by name. His eyes gleam in the penumbra of the room, strangely pale as they catch what little light shines through the curtains.

Go on, he says. You have told me everything else already. It had to end eventually.

The shadows flicker like fire, hesitant and hungry. Go on, Tony says, and the dark buzzes like a swarm of locusts, spills like oil across the room and purrs into his ears, like an apology or like comfort.

You know how these end, it says.

His voice does not shake. Very carefully, he does not nod. Yes.

The dark speaks on, and its voice is very, very soft.

When Tony dreams that night he falls, and cannot get up. He smiles. There is blood on his hands and knees and in his mouth, like it's been a long way down. Maybe it was. Shadows close in around him, all white eyes and open mouths and humming voices. Something inside of him tells him he should be afraid, but he simply nods to the girl and her inky, swirling paintings and waves to the boy with the matches and to the little boy with his teacher's eyes and mostly he just feels like he's finally come home.

Tony doesn't wake up, but you knew that already.

*


Meg is twenty seven and her leg hurts like hell tonight, and there's too much noise outside that she can't tune out. The lights outside flash in and out and she'd be cursing the traffic like usual except this time there's this odd, desaturated quality to the light, like there's something filtering it as it comes, and she swears the shadow of the bookshelf should not be at this angle and what the heck she's pretty sure it shouldn't be melting like it's doing right now.

She blinks and suddenly there's someone here with here, a little boy with a tiny smile that she feels like she should know. Possibly she should be freaking out by now, but she's tired and there's no light, no constant traffic noise right now and it's doing wonders for her mood and weird things to her sanity. Mostly though it's the tiredness.

The boy seems to get that; he glides silent to her, and says, all black hair and white, white eyes, I've got a story for you.

Blame it on temporary insanity, or pain, or exhaustion--she doesn't say no.
Last edited by Jagged on Sun Oct 31, 2010 5:59 pm, edited 8 times in total.
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I love the creativity in this short story and the lauguage that's used. The idea was great and you did a great job with developing it.

As far as grammer errors I didn't see any. That's always the first thing I look for so you did pretty good. The way you set it up was interesting. You kind of went in flashes of his entire life without much detail. But with a story like this I'm not sure if detail is nessacary. But I could see you doing more with this story and turning it into something else.

The ending was kind of a cliffhanger. We really didn't learn much about this girl and then he suddenly came back to her once the shadows had him. I was kind of confused on the last part, so I assumed the shadows just took him.

The stories of all the neighbors were good and all, but were they really nesscary for the story? I think I would have rather heard some more about the girl than I would of five people that I don't even know anything about. Although they do explain some more about his character and some of the things that the shadow tells him.

And I wasn't sure what was up with the title. Is that in a different lauguage, an actual word, or did you just completely make it up? Don't get me wrong it's a cool title that caught my eye but I have no clue what it means.

I could go on and on with all the good things about your story, but there's really no need. Just know that it was really good.
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This story was very touching, and truly amazing. It was sad, but at the same time not. It merely exposed the ugly side of the world in a very blunt, simple way. This is a truly amazing. I honestly can't find anything in here that strikes me in a 'I-need-correcting' way. Perhaps, at some point in time, you would want to have the dark show Tony someone who is very happy with the world? Someone who has recovered from all the pain and is leading a good life? Also, I thought that the first paragraph was especially strong. Such an amazing description of the dark! This is a very touching story. Please continue writing. Have fun!
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Jaggedy!

I love this. Really, well written. Good style, and I like the dark feel of this.
I looked up Scheherezade and so it says 'of noble lineage.' If that's not it, then what is it, please?
I like how you developed the kid but somehow, this line : "Do you have a name?" seems like it would do better at an earlier age. Now, there's something in me that says Meg is the girl he first asked about.

Anyway, really good piece.
~Lava
~
Pretending in words was too tentative, too vulnerable, too embarrassing to let anyone know.
- Ian McEwan in Atonement

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Thanks for the reviews, guys ♥

Lava: Scheherazade comes from the story of One Thousand and One Nights. To be lazy and steal the description from wiki:
Spoiler
The main frame story concerns a Persian king and his new bride. He is shocked to discover that his brother's wife is unfaithful; discovering his own wife's infidelity has been even more flagrant, he has her executed: but in his bitterness and grief decides that all women are the same. The king, Shahryar, begins to marry a succession of virgins only to execute each one the next morning, before she has a chance to dishonour him. Eventually the vizier, whose duty it is to provide them, cannot find any more virgins. Scheherazade, the vizier's daughter, offers herself as the next bride and her father reluctantly agrees. On the night of their marriage, Scheherazade begins to tell the king a tale, but does not end it. The king is thus forced to postpone her execution in order to hear the conclusion. The next night, as soon as she finishes the tale, she begins (and only begins) a new one, and the king, eager to hear the conclusion, postpones her execution once again. So it goes on for 1,001 nights.
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Overall, I thought that it was really good. No typos as far as I could tell, and I liked the format of the flashbacks.

I, to, don't see how the neighbors fit into the story. One line I didn't completely understand was,

When he is five the shadows slither up the wall and creep into his room through the foggy cracked window, extend their fingers across the ceiling and open their blind gaping eyes to look at him, tiny Tony with his knees pulled to his chest and with the blankets cast in a tangled heap at the foot of the bed.


I would fix the ,"When he is five" part. It sounds choppy. I would put it as, "When he was five," or "While he was five,". Also, fix the run-on.

It was very interesting, and I look forward to seeing more.
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Er.

This is getting to the stage where it's ridiculous. How many times do you expect me to tell you I love you?



Navi




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Hey Jag.

Since this is my 750th review, I'm going to try to be a bit more in-depth (in the time constraints).

on the nights when the moon is absent or when the wind their brother veils her pale face in embroideries of stratus lines and cirrus swirls


I believe you're missing some commas here around "their brother", because reading this sentence I lost the train of thought around those two words. Also, if the wind is the shadows' brother, how can the wind be female (Bolded)?

Are you going to hurt me?

Do you want us to?

No.

Then why would we?


I picked up on this as a tie-in to the scene at the very end— but it's faint. I'm not sure if I want to see a stronger connection to this, but it could be just how the scene at the end was mildly confusing to my brain last night. I'll keep reading and maybe come back to this if I notice an issue. (The connection I'm making is, at the end, he almost wants the shadows to hurt him, to kill him. From the absence he feels from other people.)

his shadow on the wall turns its head and tilts its head.


"Its head" is repetitive here. I'd merge to "turns and tilts its head", but the repetition isn't that jarring so it's not as bad. I just find it slows the sentence after the rather quick flow.

he knows now that the boy next to him watched his old house go up in flames; knows there are burn scars over his heart, even though he always wears two layers of clothes at least because he doesn't like the way they look, and because whenever he sees them in the mirror when he's at home he starts shaking and seeing fire flickering at the edges of his vision, and his hands reach for lighters whenever he's not paying attention.


The pronouns and antecedents here made me read this three times. "He" is used for both Tony and the boy next to him, but because the sentence starts with "he" meaning Tony it's a bit hard to catch that "his [old house]" is relating to the boy next to him. For a minute I thought that story was about Tony, because the antecedent I related "his" to was Tony.

There is a boy, and a foggy night, and loneliness thicker than all the blankets in the world. There is a window, and an old tree in front of it, and there are shadows, quiet and shapeless.


This line is a bit too obscure to really tie it into Tony, but that's probably the point. I only picked up on this in the second or third read, but do keep in mind how tired I was when I read this last night. I'm liking the subtlety, though.

His voice does not shake. Very carefully, he does not nod.


Why would he not nod? That part of the sentence doesn't really make sense to me, and it pushed me out of the story a bit.

And your last scene... that's where the creep comes in for me. Another shadow yet to be claimed.

*

Overall I enjoyed this, but I will say last night I was too out of it to really appreciate the underlaying tone that chills but it's hard to peg down exactly how.

I will say I consider your death scene the weakest; it pulled from a bunch of mentions that are pretty glazed over in the rest of the story. I'm not sure how much I like this or not.

The reason I consider it the weakest is because there wasn't a sense of foreboding. The line "but you knew this already" could have been a confirmation of our worst fears, but instead it was a line that brought those fears to the surface. Mind you, a lot of people like the story and I'm not even sure I dislike the scene. I just found it mildly confusing (but the more I think about it the more I believe that's the point).

After the comments are made, I liked this and have respect for how the style shows a lot of heavy themes without really showing them unless you look. I'm not sure I can say I love this, though, because of how ambiguous this is. It's difficult to go back through the story and see why he doesn't shy away from death. But I suppose when the reason is abandonment and loneliness, not being able to see the thread is advantageous so the story stays away from wangst.

A well-crafted story.

As always, drop me a line if you have any questions.

~Rosey
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Jaggy : I didn't know the guy's name was Scheherezade. Nice work with the title. :)
~
Pretending in words was too tentative, too vulnerable, too embarrassing to let anyone know.
- Ian McEwan in Atonement

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OH. MY. GOD.
That story was amazing. It sucked me in from the first sentance and didn't let me go until the very end. It was one of the creepiest things I've ever read, yet it was so beautiful -almost velvety-at the same time. I loved the description of the shadows and how they influence Tony as he grows older. It's hard to find a favorite part, but I have to say that the conversations between the two were especially chilling.
" Are you going to hurt me?

Do you want us to?

No.

Then why would we? "

Excellent.
I really couldn't find anything wrong with this at all.
Jagged, you've just made yourself a new fan! I'm going to go read it again!
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Well this is incredible. That's about all I can say. It's creepy, frightening, and beautiful. It doesn't spell everything out exactly, but leaves you to wonder about some things. That, I think, enhances the mystery of the story more than anything. I loved it, and I wish there was more. *Likes*
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Oh Wow, this story is incredible.
I love the language and structure used in this short-story and the creativity!

great job!
:)




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Hey Jag,
Awesome story! I like how there was this sense of discomfort for the reader throughout the whole thing, as if you knew something wasn't right with the shadows but Tony seems to be fine with it so maybe there isn't. I also really liked how the shadow would tell stories about people it was connected to, I wasn't sure about the ending, with the character you chose to pass onto. It seemed like there wasn't enough emphasis on her in the body of the piece to be able to give that really powerful ending I was expecting, if you kind of get what I mean. However, I really liked how the shadow was passed on to someone new. Reading through the comments, I like the link to One thousand and one nights. Very cool. Fantastic story man.

Congrats on winning the comp as well!! Deserved it.

BeckFletch. xx
'The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, The more I will respect myself' - Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë.




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Beautiful. Moving. You never fail to impress me. Whenever I read your pieces I feel like I've been swept up into another world.
Well done on being awesome :)
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