[September Contest] Penguin.

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This is my submission for the September contest. It is 927 words long. I got the plot from the generator, and I really liked what came up. I don't have a good name for it, I just labeled it the name I used for the draft. I'll come up with a good name later, for now I just wanted to focus on making the story good.

So here it is. The tale of a dolphin trainer that turns into a penguin while strapped in a dentist's chair.


* * *
“Dolphins are known to be blood-thirsty killers,” the dentist said. His eyes were staring at a four tooth gap in my gums where the dolphin had headbutted me. “Everyone says that they're gentle but really I think that they're going to take over the world.” Every word this man said made me want to strangle him.

I was getting false teeth put in. For it my gums were numbed, and I was strapped down to the chair. Maybe this was so that I didn't strangle him for insulting my dolphin friends. Everything that he said insulted me directly. I was their trainer. Their actions were my doing.

“All hinns arrn't tat hart,” my words were mumbled. It made sense. My tongue was numb, and I had to keep my mouth open. I was trying to say; “dolphins aren't that smart”. The dentist understood what I was trying to say –of course, he's a dentist for crying out loud-- and shook his head.

“I'm afraid I have to disagree with you there Charlie.” I glared at him. My eyes demanded a reason. “Well, you see, the fact that you can train them means that they're already plenty smart.” He paused. I felt the pain of my face stretching. “Good lord! What's that?!”

Was the man blind?

I have a terrible secret. I only work at night. There's a reason for this. I don't want anyone to see what happens to me. This dentist appointment had taken longer then expected and I was now changing under the veil of nightfall. I was the only thing that could train Weredolphins, a Werepenguin.

Extending from my face was a large orange beak. While it extended it was soft. However when it stopped it hardened almost immediately.

I wished that I wasn't strapped down. My arms extended and my fingers morphed together. The straps were cutting off the circulation to the tips of my now bald wings. The arms of my shirt had ripped off.

My midsection expanded as my body formed blubber to keep me warm in my homeland of the Arctic. Once it had fully expanded it was impossible to tell my hips from my torso. Once it was finished I had ripped my shirt and pants. The ripped fabric draped over me lightly. It was only luck that kept them on.

My legs shrank until only black feet could be seen under my blubbery midsection. They were freed of the straps and this was quite nice. The crazed dentist had put them on too tight. I was enjoying wiggling my toes.

The whites of my eyes quickly changed to black. It took my irises longer to change to black as well. They reflected my thoughts most of the time. Sometimes they could be seen as clearly as reflections in my eyes.

I relaxed once black, white, and yellow feathers sprouted up all over my body. Frankly this was the most painful part of changing. It felt like needles were being stabbed through every one of my pores. For those who don't understand my metaphor, it hurt like crap, okay?

I had changed fully, my junk was no longer exposed.

The dentist stared at me with a look of horror frozen on his face. “W-W-What are you?!”

A slight smirk formed at the edges of my beak. “Unstrap me and I'll tell you,” I cut my statement short. He wouldn't let me go if I told him that I would have to kill him for knowing my plans and what I am.

Slowly the man walked up to me. He was trembling. I can't say I blame him. “O-Okay...” Using great care not to hurt me he undid all the straps that were keeping me in place. When I hopped to my feet and ruffled my feathers he jumped backwards and put his hands up as if to deflect an oncoming blow.

“There are many of us penguins and there are many dolphins--”

“You mean there are people that turn into dolphins too?!” The man cut me off. How rude.

“Yes,” my tone made it sound like I was talking to a three-year-old child. That's what it felt like. “I train armies of dolphins to carry penguins. Once they figure out how to attach legs to themselves we will come riding them, we will then reign supreme over the land!” I squawked in a very evil way. It was cliché yes, but it felt right. “Every last human being will be eaten!” I paused. “Won't it be glorious?”

The man shook his head. “You see Mr. Penguin, I don't want to be eaten.”

I glared at him. “Well that's too bad! I can't let you live for what you know, and the dolphins are getting hungry.”

As I stepped forwards the man backed away. “Please! I won't tell anyone.”

I nodded. “That's right, you won't. You'll be too busy being dead.”

I'll leave out the graphic details. I really don't feel that I need to explain it all to you. I took his tools and I chopped him into smaller pieces that my friends –who were waiting outside-- and I could carry. They had come to make sure that I didn't leave any witnesses.

The dolphins enjoyed the taste of human flesh, I think that this little taste encouraged them to get those legs attached sooner. Maybe we should scratch that and attach wings. Wings are cooler.
All I can hear; "I me mine, I me mine, I me mine". Even those tears; "I me mine, I me mine, I me mine". No one's frightened of playing it. Everyone's saying it. Flowing more freely than wine. All through your life; "I me mine".




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This was amusing. XD Very entertaining. Just a few things I wasn't entirely pleased with... My notes as I went through:

“All hinns arrn't tat hart,” my words were mumbled. It made sense. My tongue was numb, and I had to keep my mouth open. I was trying to say; “dolphins aren't that smart".
Dolphins are supposedly very smart animals... A trainer would know that, and consider them smart. So he might say something like, "Dolphins are smart, but not THAT smart." Or something.

"I was the only thing that could train Weredolphins, a Werepenguin."
...
I love you. XD
Though that comma should be either a colon (:) or a period, with 'A Werepenguin' one sentence.

"The whites of my eyes quickly changed to black. It took my irises longer to change to black as well. They reflected my thoughts most of the time. Sometimes they could be seen as clearly as reflections in my eyes." Huh? I don't really understand those last few sentences... What exactly were you trying to say? Maybe find a clearer way to express it? :\

"Once they figure out how to attach legs to themselves we will come riding them, we will then reign supreme over the land!” Dolphins... With legs? Why not find something that already has legs? Like a camel? Also, maybe think about changing it to 'reign supreme over land AND sea!', since wouldn't such creatures already be in control of the sea?

If the weredolphins are people who turn into dolphins like the werepenguins are people who turn into penguins... Why do they need to be trained? If the weredolphins have dolphin intelligence, not human intelligence, then the werepenguins would have to have penguin intelligence, which I'm guessing is significantly less than dolphin intelligence. :\

"I'll leave out the graphic details. I really don't feel that I need to explain it all to you. I took his tools and I chopped him into smaller pieces that my friends –who were waiting outside-- and I could carry. They had come to make sure that I didn't leave any witnesses."
But a second ago I thought the appointment went later than expected, and that's why he was caught in the dentist's chair when his transformation occured. :( If they were there waiting, wouldn't that mean he already knew he was going to be killing the dentist?

Bottom line, this was a very entertaining story, but even the most entertaining story should stay consistant. There should be basic rules of the story that are adhered to all the way through once they're originally established. For example, if werepenguins have human intelligence, so should weredolphins, and if it's stated that the werepenguin didn't know he was going to transform in the presence of the dentist, you shouldn't imply that it was planned, later on. The reader will catch the inconsistancies otherwise, and amusement will give way to irritation: "The author couldn't keep track of his own story? XP"

Otherwise, nice job! ^^
"Pay Attention. Pay Close Attention to everything, everything you see. Notice what no one else notices, and you'll know what no one else knows. What you get is what you get. What you do with what you get is more the point. -- Loris Harrow, City of Ember (Movie)



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