Stranger

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Alright, these are two little oneshots I wrote a while back. Stranger came first and I was pretty fond of it so I decided to write a second part, which is A Dreary Day in December. It doesn't really matter what order you read them in, or even if you read both of them. I just put them in the same post because they belong together. Any reviews are appreciated! =]


~Stranger

I see it all; everything that goes on around me. I'm but a quiet spectator, always watching, never speaking. Yes, people see me but, since I've been here so long, they scarcely ever notice my presence. As a result, I see many things other souls are excluded from; things of private delicacy that shouldn't be intruded upon, things of friendly rambunctious-ness where everyone is welcome, and things of personal tragedy that should be kept secret. And I never forget. For what would become of a silent observer if they forgot everything they saw?

Yes, I remember the giggling couple that sat on the little wooden bench. I remember the two high school boys' first awkward kiss. I remember the family picnics, the happy gatherings, the sad contemplations that play out in front of me. But I specifically remember the melancholy young boy I never knew.

It was a bright day. Sunny and fair. Plenty of light for a healthy tree. A young boy, maybe sixteen, sat on the grass in front of me. From his expression and way of sitting I could tell he was thinking very hard about something. A friend maybe… He came to the same spot many more times over the next few months, sometimes staying until after dark, never speaking a word, always alone. I particularly remember one rainy day in December when he sat leaning against my trunk, almost saddened by my barren limbs. He wore a thin jacket with no hood. His face was wet, partly from rain. He stayed there for a long time just watching the water fall, listening to its pattering. At length, he stood and left without a backwards turn. That was the last time he ever came. I don't have any idea what happened to him, but I do remember a distinct little sound. It was the potent clipping of many small things confined, muffled slightly by falling rain and soaked cloth. It seems that the feeling he gave off had definite finality about it, and I can't be sure of what it means, but I've always wondered if that boy ever made it to his next year of life.


~ A Dreary Day in December

The day was cold and dreary, the sky shone a bleak gray, and brown leaves littered the freezing, cracked sidewalk. Across the street, two black birds cawed and clawed at each other, rolling over and over in the street as one tackled the other. A black and white cat watched intently from its yard, crouched low in the grass. The boy in the dark coat walked on, amused and disappointed by the ugliness of nature. He hated December. The wind softly whistled through his hair and he pulled the collar closer to his face. He had only a vague idea of where his feet were leading him, as lost in his thoughts as he was, but he really didn't care as long as he got the to end of the road.

He felt almost numb as the winter wind blew, and he was only loosely aware of the small container in his pocket, from which emanated faint but potent clipping sounds with every other step he took. Slowly it began to drizzle, the cold, wintry rain only a few degrees away from freezing in his dark hair. He ignored it and kept walking, clenching the small bottle in his pocket. Somehow it seemed a comfort to him as it grew warm in his hand.

Presently he could make out a tree through the mist that had accumulated with the rain. Like so many times before, he made his way up the small, slick hill it sat on, only stumbling a few times, and rested beneath its barren limbs, noticing as he did so, the last crinkled leaf battered off a branch by a mere rain drop. He sighed and watched the rain drizzle on before him, only partially protected by the dead and sodden branches above. He listened to the sound it made when hitting various objects, watched as a few animals and insects scurried for cover. After a while, his thoughts drifted back to the bottle in his pocket and the words printed across the front of it, 'Aspirin: Extra Strength Pain Reliever.' He remembered hearing somewhere that it was supposed to be exceedingly good for the heart and thought it interesting that too much could stop its beating. Recalling the two-capsule recommendation, he mentally scoffed, and thought, 'Well, it's quite a headache I've got on my hands...,' then stood to leave with no intention of returning home.




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Hey there!

First off, I loved it. Your description was beautiful and full of emotion. However, there were a few spots in there where it kid of lost my attention. I don't remember where exactly, but I think it was more toward the end. I personally loved the words you used and thought that it was all around a good piece. The first part showed a great amount of insight; as if the observer knew each and everything that went through the people's minds, their emotions. Congratulations on the great piece.
It was your world, Baby, and I just slipped in it.




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MitsuSora, I can't believe you suggested that it doesn't even matter if people don't read both stories! Obviously, after they read one, they have to read the other, because they're both really excellent. "Stranger" and "A Dreary Day in December" are attention-grabbing, interesting, and I love your writing style.

Stranger

Your descriptions in "Stranger" complement the somber attitude. I especially like your middle paragraph.
"Yes, I remember the giggling couple that sat on the little wooden bench. I remember the two high school boys' first awkward kiss. I remember the family picnics, the happy gatherings, the sad contemplations that play out in front of me. But I specifically remember the melancholy young boy I never knew."
My only complaint with this story would be that I wish you had added more descriptions, more imagery, you're really good at it, so why not add more?

A Dreary Day in December

Again, you set this melancholy mood very well with the two black birds fighting. There was more imagery in this story, which I was grateful for. You introduced the boy in the dark coat and just as quickly you take him away by implying he overdoses. Even though you have no idea who this boy is, the story leaves you feeling sad for the end of this person.

I will reiterate and say how great both your stories were. Keep writing!!




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I really liked your first one, full of details and it was beautifully written. I could easily see each thing happening. Until the final paragraph, I had no idea it was a tree, but when rereading, I can see all of the hints. I really like this part:
Yes, I remember the giggling couple that sat on the little wooden bench. I remember the two high school boys' first awkward kiss. I remember the family picnics, the happy gatherings, the sad contemplations that play out in front of me. But I specifically remember the melancholy young boy I never knew.
And the end, it leaves me wondering, also, what happened to the young boy. It was a great story, but because of the shortness, I never really connected to the boy. So I'd almost not care about him dying. (Of course I'd feel horrible for him...but not like I would my friends.)

The second partish thing, I also really liked. Because it was in the boy's view, I finally got to know him, I wanted him to throw away the pills. I wanted the boy to live. Again, I liked the ending, both keep me wondering.

The only thing I wish is that you would have put in more details and made them a little longer! Overall great stories!
Everybody sing like it’s the last song you will ever sing,
(Tell me, tell me do you feel the pressure?)
Everybody live like it’s the last day you will ever see.
(Tell me, tell me do you feel the pressure?)
~Paramore (because I'm a parawhore)




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I really enjoyed both of these! They were well-written and just long enough to catch your attention. I think my only issue was you using 'at length.' It can actually mean "for a while" and "after a while", so even though you're using it right, it confused me. So, I guess I'm saying that you might want to consider changing it out for something else.



A wizard is never late. Nor is he early; he arrives precisely when he means to.
— Gandalf