Witches Brew (REwrote)

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Deep within a forest haunted by stories of death and nightmares there stands a single cottage and within this cottage live three witches of great power named Silvia, Amethyst, and Ruby. It was the night of the full moon and a child was to be born. “It’s about time sisters, the child is almost here,” Silvia said. Amethyst and Ruby nodded their heads in understanding. Standing in a tight circle they each took the others hand and chanted the words of transportation. They were not the type of witches that people envision on Halloween night. The air around them picked up speed whipping at their dark cloaks giving the sensation of falling through mid air. As soon as it started it stopped and they stood in a dimly lit bedroom. They turned to face a woman lying in bed with a baby bundled in pink with the look of pure terror on her face.
“Ruby,” Silvia pushed. “I know.” She pushed her hood down transfixing her eyes into the woman’s. She began to hum a soft tune that had the woman’s eyes growing heavy and she knew what was about to happen and she couldn’t bear it but she also couldn’t keep the lovely voice out of her head and found herself falling into a deep sleep. Amethyst took the bundled baby from the woman’s arms and they made their way back to the cottage. The woman would have no memory of bringing the child into the world or ever seeing the strangers that took the child from her.















Ivy awoke with a start. It had been that dream once again. Taking a deep breath she checked the time which read 4:55 a.m. But why, what was the dream telling her? Or was it that she was simply too caught up in her fantasies that they were actually running away with her? Brushing the covers aside she made her way into the bathroom to splash cold water on her face. She looked up into the mirror and was startled at the image looking back at her. There were dark purple circles under her eyes and her face had tiny red scratch marks on it.
What was happening? She asked herself. But there was no answer because she didn’t know. There was no point in trying to catch more sleep that wouldn’t come, she thought to herself. Flipping on her bedroom light she stood frozen in the doorway. Books had been strewn from the bookcase, clothes had been tossed every which way about the room and her desk light looked as if it had exploded into a thousand tiny fragments.
She heard her parent’s bedroom door open then and noticed her mother step out into the hallway rubbed the sleep from her aging eyes. She looked then at her daughter in question. “Ivy, what on earth are you doing up so early dear?” Ivy, not wanting to scare her mother with the thought that there was a possible burglar around told a lie. I had to use the bathroom; I thought I would start the day early is all. Her mother gave her a smile. Okay hon.
Her mother then made her way into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee as she did every day in her morning routine. Closing her bedroom door behind her Ivy began to clean up the disaster that now covered her room. As she put things back in order her only thought was. Things are getting seriously weird. The oddities did not end there, those were simply the beginnings.




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Is this going to be longer? Because I feel like the story really just began. If it's not going to be expanded, I suggest coming up with some surprising twist in the ending, something that makes us suddenly find the story interesting. Otherwise it just seems like yet another little story about some girl's dream that is clearly going to impact her life in some way. How many times have we heard that one before? The answer: a lot. My advice is to find something unique to add in, something that gives it originality. As for your grammar, you have a couple of run-ons that I'd consider fixing.
Keep on writing.

-the StoryWeaver
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket




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There's a huge blank space in the middle of this. Why is it there? If you put it there to separate the two halves, then there's no need for it to be that big.

StoryWeaver already mentioned this, but this story feels incomplete, as if it is just starting. She gave some good suggestions on how to fix this, which I suggest you follow.

Something I noticed, especially in the beginning, was that you jumped around a lot, especially with regards to details. You talk about how the witches are transporting, then Halloween, then back to the witches transporting, and it gets confusing with all the hopping around. Also, though they wiped the mother's memory, what about all the people around her, and what about the mother's body? Pregnancy doesn't exactly go unnoticed, and it leaves physical marks behind on the mother's body even years after the pregnancy. Even if the mother doesn't remember giving birth, there'd be signs that she was pregnant, and the people around her would have known of the pregnancy, so how would the mother and the people around her be able to make sense of it all? You need to make this clear.

There were a number of grammar mistakes as well, especially with regards to dialogue and run-on sentences. Whenever a new person speaks, you start a new paragraph. Things that are said should be enclosed in quotation marks. These are basic rules, and I suggest that you read over your work more closely in the future and maybe review the rules of grammar.
Secretly a Kyllorac, sometimes a Murtle.
There are no chickens in Hyrule.
Princessence: A LMS Project
WRFF | KotGR




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Hello, I am going to critique on your writing.

First of all, I noticed that you do not use proper paragraph formatting. Remember, with each new speaker or new scene, you need to begin that with a new paragraph. Otherwise, it makes things very difficult to read and the reader loses interest.

Secondly, you don't seem to be using commas where you should be. Commas are used to break sentences apart and make them easier to read. They can also really help the reader understand exactly what is going on, because comma placement can dramatically change a sentence.

Next, any thoughts that your characters have should be italicized to make it easier to read.

This story is really short and seems unfinished. I personally can't get a good understanding of what is going on, as this seems to just start in a random place.

Overall, this story was difficult to read and I couldn't get into it. If I were to give this a grade, I would give it a D+ :? Work on your formatting and that will instantly make your writing a lot better.



This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.
— T.S. Eliot