A Tale Never Heard..

I walked the halls of the place I've seen everyday. The jocks always hitting on a girl; every once in a while, I'll get lucky and they will talk to me (you'll learn more about them later). The cheerleaders thinking they are the stuff even though everyone knows they are just sluts who will do anything to sleep with one of the popular guys. Than there's the nerds who always mind their own business. I really don't know what they get picked on for, they are really cool kids. Than the rest of the kid's that are in their clubs, you know: drama, glee, preps, etc. Than there's me. You'd never expect it, but I'm the "cool" kid. The one that everyone wants to be like. I live in a good home, have good friends, good grades, amazing athletic ability. I've also been told I've been very pretty. You probably wanna know a little about me, don't you? Well even if you don't, I'm gonna tell you anyway. My name is Felecity. I'm 15 years old and a sopphmore. I play volleyball and I dance at a local studio. I'm a model, but don't think anything of it. I don't usually mention that to people. I have many imperfections. I think I can get overly cocky. I'm single, but I met this kid, he might be the one.

Spoiler

Well anyway in this story I'm going to tell, you will learn about how I end up just like everyone else.

Like I said, I walked through the halls. I had just walked of the gym, I was lucky cause it was last period for me so after my shower I'd never have to worry bout doing my hair. I never wear make-up so I was usually the first one out of the locker room too. Remember that kid I said "might be the one"? Well guess what?! He just happens to be my best friend's boyfriend. I have two best friends, Kayla and Derek. Derek has always been there. I know what you're thinking, he'll end up liking me I just won't know it than realizes it when the jerk guy hurts me. Well you're wrong. Derek and I know we would never work out. Actually, we became friends because he was my ex.

Anyway, I met up with Kayla up at my locker, her boyfriend<33... was there. The way he looks at me I know he must have something for me. He doesn't even look at Kayla like that. I love Kayla, but she can be a brat, and yes she's a cheerleader. Probably one of the least sluttiest, but still a little slutty, one I've ever met. She smiled and said politely,

Can you leave me and my boo alone. We are going over his house and I wanna talk to him about something.

Aren't his parents not home?

I quickly replied. She nodded and winked. I knew what it meant. It only added a crack to my already broken heart. Suddenly Derek walked out. He pulled me aside knowing there was going to be another fight between me and Kayla unless he got me. He was right, we always fought. Derek knew I liked Dave, Kayla's boyfriend. Derek had originally set us up but Kayla just came in. Derek whispered in my ear. The thing he told me would change my life forever.

I walked into school the next day feeling much confidence with the party before. I wasn't gonna go until I heard the secret. Everyone stared at me. I knew what I wanted had happened. They started the rumor I needed to get Dave. Suddenly the cheerleaders invited me to sit with them, the jocks wouldn't keep their hands off of me. And through their touching I met this sexy kid, Joey. Mmm, the things I would do to that boy. I loved his touch. I knew this wasn't love, it was lust.

About a minute later, I passed Dave. I got butterflies, and my confidence flew away. I thought he was just gonna smile, wave and just pass on like every other time. This time he pulled me into an empty classroom. He winked, sat on desk. I think he could tense my hype.

Don't worry relax. I just wanted to talk. I only see you when I'm with Kayla.

I know. I j-j-j

I stuttered.

Just really got alot going on with sports and modeling and..

I couldn't finish before he questioned,

You model?! How come you never told me. We had that date to get to know each other you know.

Yeah I know. I just don't say anything 'cause I don't wanna seem cocky.

He smiled.

I never thought you were cocky. I actually always liked you more than Kayla. I just got the idea you never liked me. And I heard what happened with you last night and that guy and it just threw me over the edge.

So you do like me?!

Yeah, but don't tell Kayla, I just wanted to know if we could have a secret thing, yah know? And if Kayla catches us we can just say we were planning our annerversiary cause it comes up in a couple of monthes and I want it to be big.

I nodded. I couldn't believe this was happening...

Before I had even finished the first paragraph, I knew that I was not going to like this story. You seem to have fallen into the trap few teenage writers escape from, cliche and Mary-Sue-ness. If you don't know what a Mary-Sue is, it is a female character who is perfect, the male version being a Gary-Stu. No, being 'overly cocky' is not a true flaw. So far, just in the first paragraph, we have a Mary-Sue narrator and a stereotypical high school with its stereotypical cliques. Experienced writers shudder. I would have stopped right there had I not wanted to inform you that if you are truly interested in writing, you are making some very serious mistakes. In the last sentence, you divulge the plot, a hackneyed love story.
I think I need to address your strange use of formatting at this point. Just because there are these shiny buttons at the top of the posting screen, doesn't mean you have to use them. A good rule of thumb is that only the bold, italic, underline, and possibly image need to be used when you post your fiction. All the other tools are mainly used when replying to someone else's post, like if you wanted to quote something that I've written, you would use the quote button, not when your characters are speaking. You use these " " for dialogue.
This line bothers me:

Aren't his parents not home?

Is that something like "I ain't got none"? It is an extremely poorly written sentence. The rest of your post depicts Dave establishing a secret affair with Felecity. Well, we know a little more about your characters now: Felecity obviously doesn't care about Kayla and neither does Dave. They are both being unfaithful.
Honestly, if I were you, I'd scrap this story and go for something less trite, and stop reading that senseless teenage fiction drivel. Try reading works written by people whom time has established as the greats, preferably those who have lived in this century. I'm not talking about Shakespeare or Dickens or Stephanie Meyer, I'm talking about people like Issac Asimov. Examine how they create plots and characters. Check out some books on how to write fiction, there's a series by Orson Scott Card that seems rather good, I'm only in the first few pages of one of his how-to books. When you start another story, take this Mary-Sue-ness test: http://www.springhole.net/quizzes/marysue.htm. I'm sorry that I haven't said anything nice about 'A Tale Never Heard', but when the whole thing is a relentless stereotype, what can I say? I hope that if you are serious about writing fiction, that you will take my advice and realize what you are doing wrong.
Review: The narrator is a Mary-Sue, the plot, setting, and minor characters are stereotyped.

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