Running free.

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There was scarlet around her, slowly flowing from the open wounds on the creature in her hands. A small rabbit had become her dinner; . Erupting from her throat were stifled sobs; water fell from her eyes. A black chain hung limply on her neck, contrasting against her sickly pale skin. Her hair was plastered across her face.
“Violet?” I asked, my voice cutting through the eerie silence that surrounded her.
She moved her eyes to look at me. They were unwavering, and empty.
She didn’t speak, but just kept looking at me. Slowly, I bent down and moved my hand close to her face. Her icy gaze never lifted; never showed any emotion,
My hand touched frigid skin. I repeated, my voice unsure, “Violet?”
She instinctively moved her hand to touch mine, her eyes still clouded.
“You…You don’t hate me? After everything I did?”
“I don’t hate you. I never could. Violet, I said I would never leave you, and I intend to keep that promise. But why? Why do you do this?”
She slowly moved her head up; and looked up at the moon. “I don’t. Its….not me. Its that.”
“The moon? How could the moon hurt you?”
She stood, her dark dress hugging her fragile hips; her legs bent in a sprinter’s position. I quickly jumped up, to prevent her from escaping.
“You don’t have to be afraid anymore. I took you from the wolves; I taught you how to be a human.”
“Perhaps. You took me from the wolves; you separated me from them. But do really think I’m human? Do you really think I can fit in here, fit in anywhere? I belong with them Scorpio. I belong in the woods.”
And you,” she said her eyes narrowing, her lips curled into a snarl. “you took me away. You and your civilization. Being civil is being fake. I can’t do it anymore, I have to go back.”
I reached and grabbed her arm, hoping it would pause her speech.
She broke free of my grasp easily; just like a wolf.
“And these?” she screamed, pointing at her eye. “These contacts? Why should I hide my eyes?” Then, faster than Believable, she reached up and took them out, and threw them into the snowy air.
Then I saw her true eyes; the ones that scared people. They were Golden, like a wolf. Like what she truly was.
“Why? Why did you do this to me Scorpio? I can’t go back, I reek of human. I can’t stay.
“Yes. You can stay.”
“No. I can’t I’ve killed humans; I’ve bent your guns and bent your necks. Whenever I see you, I want to bite your neck and drag you to the ground. It’s innate; I can’t get rid of it.”
Every word she screamed ran true; like a wolf. I shouldn’t of taken her away; I shouldn’t of tried to mold her into what she wasn’t. She was free, she could chase after shadows or raid a farmer’s field. And us “Civilized” people? We’ve shot; we’ve killed her family. And it didn’t matter to us. We burned her home, we killed her food. And for what? To feed and expand our “Civilization?” No, we are not civil. Wolves are civil. They know they have to kill to survive; they understand it. They don’t cringe at death, they openly accept it.
“Go.” I whispered. She looked at me, and walked close; cringing at scent. The scent of humans. I looked at my palms, suddenly ashamed. Of being a human.
“Good-bye.” She whispered in my ear. Then, unexpectedly raised her hand onto my chin and gently kissed me. Her lips were soft, her hands delicate. She was fragile; but she would survive.
Suddenly, she let me go; and glanced at the edge of the field. There, hardly visible stood a dark figure. It raised its head, and let loose a mouring cry. She removed herself; and began to run towards the figure. It turned; seeing that she understood. Her feet deftly ran, avoiding deep snow.
I turned around, towards the soft glow of candles in little huts. She was where she belonged; I was where I belonged. It was the way the wolves wanted it. She was gone and I couldn’t follow.
I closed my eyes, and let a resounding sigh. “Good-bye, two-legged wolf.”
REVIEWS! IF You Need Them, PM me!
*
You Can make it all go away
The pain the suffering
The Hurt You Put her through
Let you won't;
You can't
So for every love She knows
Another stich she sews




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I liked this. It had tons of emotion and drama. Plus, I can relate to wanting someone to stay with me, even if they don't belong.

There was scarlet around her, slowly flowing from the open wounds on the creature in her hands. A small rabbit had become her dinner; .


Huh? These sentences really confused me. At first I thought that she was holding the rabbit in her hands, but then as I read on, I realized that she wasn't. Try rewording it.

And these?” she screamed, pointing at her eye. “These contacts? Why should I hide my eyes?” Then, faster than Believable, she reached up and took them out, and threw them into the snowy air.


Nice descriptions here, but uncapitilize 'believable'.

There isn't much else to say about this. I liked the descriptions and I liked the dialogue AND I thought the emotions were nice. I just hope that if you do decide to make this into something longer, it doesn't turn out to be just another werewolf story (you know the type). Other than that, I loved it.

Good work,
Nariel
It's the very witching time of night.




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Awww....Thank you...
REVIEWS! IF You Need Them, PM me!
*
You Can make it all go away
The pain the suffering
The Hurt You Put her through
Let you won't;
You can't
So for every love She knows
Another stich she sews




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Gender Female
Points 7273
Reviews 45
Hm, well I agree. The first sentence IS confusing. In some parts you capatalized things you weren't supposed to, but I didn't happen to find any spelling mistakes which is good. =] I think it's overall an 8 out of a 10. I mean, the emotions are quite good, though they could be a tad bit more "revealing". The descriptions are splendid! They give good imagery. Just make sure it's unique, and not the same old werewolf story, that we all read on here. I like it, please do continue. =]




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A small rabbit had become her dinner; .

no comma!

Erupting from her throat were stifled sobs; water fell from her eyes.

Maybe instead of a semi colon, go 'sobs, and water fell'?

You…You don’t hate me?

no capital on the second you

“I don’t hate you. I never could

Try a comma between you and I

. Its….not me. Its that.”

It's, not its. Because you're saying it is shortened version you need an apostrophe

quickly jumped up, to prevent her from escaping.

No comma

them Scorpio

Them, Scorpio. Because Because you're addressing him as a person you need a comma before his name

easily; just like a wolf.

Comma instead of a semi colon

Then, faster than Believable

I think this should be on a new line, and there is no capital B

were Golden

No capital G

“Why? Why did you do this to me Scorpio? I can’t go back, I reek of human. I can’t stay.

close your quotation marks at the end

bent your necks. Whenever I see you, I want to bite your neck

Instead of repeating necks, say 'I want to bite you'

shouldn’t of taken her away

Have, not of

We burned her home, we killed her food. And for what? To feed and expand our “Civilization?”

we killed her food, and for what? To feed and expand our 'civilization'?

“Go.” I whispered
"Go," I whispered

“Good-bye.” She whispered in my ear

bye," she whispered

She was fragile; but she would survive.

No semi colon use a comma

I turned around, towards the soft glow of candles in little huts

No comma

Okay this was good, but there was not much in the way of an emotional connection. Why did he take her from the wolves in the first place? And what does she look like. You need more specifics when describing her, and tell us what she smells like, colour of her hair, and him too.
An overall good beginning, but you might want to revise those semi colons!! Ha you used one too many here and there I think, plus watch your capitalization, because they crop up in the middle of sentences :P
Writing gives my life purpose




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i loved your story!

why don't you expand it?

you really are a fabulous writer! :D
Enjoy every moment of your life; you never know when it might come to an end...



A true poet does not bother to be poetical. Nor does a nursery gardener scent his roses.
— Jean Cocteau