Ahoy Insanity #4

Oh, poor Carolina... once again, you do an absolutely awesome job of helping us get to know and identify with your characters.

The lunch monitor on duty stormed over to where the greasy yellow paper had fallen, yelling after Carolina to pick up her rubbish, even though it wasn’t hers and it had been thrown at her in full view of everyone and it was just another injustice in a long line of injustices.

Gah, don't you just hate it when stuff like that happens? Lunch monitors can be so mean. XD I still remember when they used to blame my grade for trash on the other side of the cafeteria from where we sat. [/random] This seems like a teeny bit of a run-on to me, "it was just another injustice in a long line of injustices." Could easily be its own sentence. But as is, it helps with the mood of the scene... gah, I'm so indecisive. XD

Great chapter as always, your work is just... awesome. Can't wait for chapter five! *impatient* ^_^

why wont Ronald be her friend? is he gonna be a complete "jerk" to her like every one else? really good chapter but i don't really like that last part... not because of what happened but it just didn't sound right to me... i don't... cant wait till part five!

Good. I liked this one. I think Carolina's anxienty was just right, and the excitement about having somebody actually sit with her at lunch. I could really feel for her.

planter

This was the only thing I could find wrong. What is a planter? I have absolutely no idea what you're saying here? Is it a typo, or something, like, American?

Apart from that it was really good. Can't wait for part 5!

Carolina hardly paid attention during Spanish.

I think I would rather see "Carolina didn't" because hardly is a weak word imo.

She didn’t bother with the long lunch lines, opting instead to make a beeline for the most abandoned planter she could find.

Planter? I am perplexed.

Come on, where are you? She thought [s]anxiously[/s].

She blinked a few times, her hopes starting a long and soon-to-be-painful fall to the ground.

-ing verbs are lame. "She blinked a few times, and her hopes started a long and soon to be..."

She jumped about six feet in the air, head-butting her hopes as she rose.

I love the second part of this sentence. So witty!

Ronald said as he climbed over the planter to plop down next to her, his backpack hitting the ground with a soft thud.

Make the stuff after the comma its own sentence.

something discoloured and angry-looking

I love, love, love that you say it was angry-looking.

Carolina signed, her hands moving furiously fast.

Does furiously add anything to this sentence? No. Cut it.

Neither moved for a [s]very[/s] long, [s]very[/s] pregnant pause

So, OK, I really love this.

The only thing I can say is that you got a bit too British for them to be in America. Colour, mum, rubbish--Brit slang is fun, but aren't they in America?

Srsly [to steal your lingo], this is amazing. I really enjoy it, and I want more, and I love your characters. I will now go bite on you until you give me more.

You simply must write more to this series. It would be a disservice to the world not to.

I haven't even thought about this story in a year and a half.

**LOCKED** Once I figure out how to work the new moderator panel...