I liked it. You write really well. I just didn't understand it that well, and in the second paragraph I didn't know whether they were speaking or thinking or whatever. Otherwise I'd really want to read more of this.
My life is a broken stair
Winding down a ruined tower
and leading no where
I like it. but I have no critique, because there's nothing to critique. I have a question:
Sure.I’ll ask. I reply, quickly covering the corner of the slate with my hand as Master Verplanck walks by, mercilessly inspecting our arithmetic work to see if indeed we were paying attention. Which we weren’t.
So what happens next? sorry, that was crappy. *sighs* you just write so well, you make it hard to crit!
I love this!, is this sopposed ot be before the other one you wrote? or visa versa? anyway you have really good imagry in this, you can clearly see everything thats happening. But I was a little confused about who was talking at the store, his brother or him.
And the last part I couldn't unterstand if they were talking or thinking or something else. But I really like this, write more!
italics would've cleared up any questions i had....amazing, as usual
"There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around."
but I have no critique, because there's nothing to critique. I have a question:
