For the love of a sister~ Not the final tittle

The wind blows to the east as we run to the west, slowing us down by

the Second. Finally we make it to the river, rushing no faster then two miles

an hour, the water runs smooth against the rocks, and the small fish look

as people as they play. We sit down under the biggest of the willow trees,

and watch the day fly by, As it usally does, praying that its slows down

so we can stay and belong to the land as the trees. Katherine my eleven

year old sister, loves to run down the bank, watching the water run with her,

and laughing as she goes. I just love to see her smile. I sit there wondering

why we cant stay there and be happy just as we are at this point.

“ Come run with me, Christine!” Katherine yelled. “ok” I

say back. I get up and run. “I bet can beat you to the mama willow.”

Katherine says laughing. I'm sure you can I yell to her. But still

I race to “mama” willow. The wind is breezy and cool in the

beautiful spring weather. And I cant wait to tell our parents about

our day. But I aloso don’t want to even think about leaving, but like

all the other times, the time to leave comes.

~Needs revising I know, I just want to know If this is a good start to a story! Please Comment!!

I'm not sure I know what type of writing this is. Its not exactly prose, and its not exactly poetry. So I'm at a standstill as to what to say about it.
Theres a lot of good description of things. (I know theres a word for that, its left me.)
"rushing no more than two miles an hour" seemed odd. For one, its a technicality in the midst of a whole bunch of artsy. For two, it confuses me , most people walk at about 2 miles an hour. Or are you talking about the water?

I'm going to call this poetic prose writing. It makes for a nice image, but as for a start to a story, you may want to make it a little more readable and a little less artsy. Artsy is good, but not for pages on end.

I like this but the layout is a bit strange, not sure if its better or worse than the normal layout.

Only thing i noticed was that you put all speech on the same line. Your supposed put each new thing that someone says on a new line, it makes it much easier to read.

That was the only thing i noticed, other than that it was really good.

What is the "mamma willow?" you keep talking about it, and all we know is that it's a tree of some kind. Obviously, the two sisters have named it, but for what reason? Just thought I'd point that out. If you want to make this into a story, I think you can. I liked it! Keep working

Did you make double spaces to make it look longer? Maybe that's just my trick! The format just looks unusual. It almost looks like you tried to make it look like a poem, And it sounds rather poetic...But it's in fiction, so...Hm.

As artsy and poetic as it sounds, we know very little about the characters, which leaves little for us to be concerned about later. Christine is sad that they're leaving, but she doesn't seem very concerned. Maybe she should be? They seem good-natured, naive. Other than that, I can't make very many insights.

A good beginning needs a hook, preferably from the very start, even the first sentence. People tend to have short attention spans. Toy with what you think will catch people's attention. Usually weather doesn't.

Hm. Something struck me.

The wind blows to the east as we run to the west, slowing us down by

the Second. Finally we make it to the river, rushing no faster then two miles

an hour,

By the second. Two miles an hour. Those seem like pretty technical descriptions to me. How would you even estimate the mph of a river ? Usually not offhand. It jars with the simple, in-tune-with-nature, sense that we're getting with 'mamma willow' etc...So. Either you've done this on purpose, because they really live in an advanced society, or it just doesn't fit into the setting. I'm not sure.

Your grammar mistakes aside, as long as you have a story to back it up, go ahead and write it. You may decide to change it along the way as it grows on you. Good luck if you keep going! It was a pleasant read.

Keep writing!

~Jacquie~

Well I do understand what you guys are saying and thanks. I will consider the tips!
I Put double space so when i print it out I have room to revise and edit, stuff like that!
i will definatly fix the 2 miles an hour thingy! I didnt even notice that! THANK YOU ALL!

all I can say at this exact moment in time (doing science work) Is that you spelled title... tittle... and I was laughing.
Otherwise.... it was pretty good.