Young Writers Society

I find in death there comes a resurrection
However I am hanging on by a thread
I can go either way
But I'd rather not face life than not face dead
-
[Chorus:]
There's not much more to say
And even less to tell you anyway
-
You come in many different colors
But I'd rather have you in black and in white
The shading is dark
In my palm you're a morbid sight
-
[Chorus]
-
I'm not here to tell you what this means
I'm here to tell you what you need to know
Think of who I am
And what I say before I have to go
-
[Chorus]
-
The game is speeding up while you stand still
What's right ahead could tear you apart
Spinning out of my hands
And it is about to scar your heart
-
[Chorus]
-
[Music fades out]

WOW!! I can almost see this as a P!ATD song or something!!
Many hearts for you!! <3 <3 <3 <3

this is amazing raz... I'm not trying to slack off when I say there's not much that I can correct.
The dead part at the beginning is a little confusing, but its very deep, and I like it

Hai Razster , Anger here

As Ducky said there really isn't anything to correct so I will just pick key points that i found really hard to understand.

But I'd rather not face life than not face dead

I don't understand what that's supposed to mean. I think something like I'd rather not face life nor death Just an opinion.

There's not much more to say. And even less to tell you anyway

I think the first line explains it perfectly and so I don't really see the use for the And even less to tell you anyway -bit.

In my palm you're a morbid sight

I don't understand this. You were talking about colours and suddenly they're in your palm.

Apart from that I really enjoyed reading your lyrics.

Peace Out.

Hi Raz! I'm somewhat new-ish on this site... At least, I haven't been on in quite some time! But anyways.
Wow...
I can totally hear this song! Good job! I honestly can't find anything to critisize, but the first verse is definitely my favorite! I really liked the last line, I'm pretty sure I understand it and I thought it was very clever!
--mcbeff

AngerManagement wrote:

But I'd rather not face life than not face dead

I don't understand what that's supposed to mean. I think something like I'd rather not face life nor death Just an opinion.

Anger it's more like a confusing way of saying "I'd rather face death than life". Do you understand it now? xD

I adore it...its fantastic!

Really good, well done

Yaaay, thank you guys! I really want to say I shouldn't get the credit, but considering it came from a dream...who to give credit to? o.e

These are some good words. Your rhymes are good and I like that style.
I personally think the chorus is too short, but I guess it’s to produce some sort of certain effect.

your dream must have been AWESOME!!!!!!!!!

It was. xD

A very well balanced song. It was really wonderful reading it and I look forward to reading more work from you.

A rather short song bit perhaps best due to the darker nature of the piece. I find that some of the rhymes are a bit iffy when rea aloud, however the musical nature will of course disguise this if backed by a strong melody.

Not a great fan of this type of poetry but you manage it very well. You avoid the cliched trappings of this style very well with unique imagery and a strong voice.

I do like it, it has a really cool, urgent, dark feel about it there were some things that didn't make sense to me. read it over and pretend you are someone else and read it that'll help, good job though I like it!