Young Writers Society

First Verse:
You say chivalry, open car doors,
throw your coat down on a muddy street.
Flowers ready, my hand in yours and kisses sweet.
Nothing rushed only too real for me. For me.

Chorus:
And there's nothing like the rush of not knowing what will come of me.
And there's nothing like the rush of putting myself in your hands.
But be sure to understand, this is a one time only.
It's not a one night stand,and it's too serious for a wounded heart like me.

Second Verse;
You say courtesy, after you. That was nice. What do you think of me?
Funny games, your perfect smile, and your future dreams.
Nothing rushed only too real for me. For me.

Chorus *

Third verse:
I say city dreams, not the one. You'll do better. You're too good for me.
I'm a mess. I'm too mean. There's nothing good in me.
It felt rushed. It felt too real for me. For me.

Chorus*

Fourth verse:
You say look at me, I'm a wreck, you are too, but we could learn to be
something strong, something good, something sweet... maybe.
Nothing rushed. Always real, you and me. You and me.

Cause there's nothing like the rush of not knowing what will come of me.
And nothing like the rush of putting myself in your hands.
But be sure to understand... it's not a one time only.
It's not a one night stand. This isn't too serious for a healing heart like me.

I LOVE THIS! Amazing, this would definetely go on my replay list. You might want to work on grammer and the flow of the words as you read them

It's not a one night stand, but this is too serious for a wounded heart like me.

So like, maybe. "It's not a one night stand, and it's too serious for a wounded heart like mine."
It just flows a little better, and doesn't change the heart of it at all. I really hope to read more from you and I am looking forward to hearing this on the radio. Superbly done.

This is really good!! I think you might have spelled "chivalry" wrong though...but I really like it. i love the first verse. a lot. It's good. You should really try to go somewhere with it.

RIGHT-O

I did like this song rather a lot. As per usual for a Ty written piece, there was a lot of emotion poured in. Some excellent rhyme, and again I liked the imagery you used of chivalrous behavior etc. etc.

I would say that personally, I found it hard to get the meter and rhythm down for these lyrics, I couldn't hear them being sung in my head. That's probably because I don't know what the music sounds like, but I'd be interested to hear this being sun and see how it translates from written to spoken word, it would be very interesting.

I'm aware this is a short review, but I've got a banging headache coming along as I'm sure you can guess. But thanks for letting me know of this, it was a nice read. All the best

Sorry this took a while. Minor headache. I just want to say that I don't know what this sounds like to you, so if any of the changes I suggest go against the rhythm or melody, you should ignore them. (It sounding good is more important than it making literary sense. )

Nothing rushed only too real for me. For me.

-Hmm. This bugs me, but I look at it again and it doesn't, then I look at it a third time and it does. This is an important line because of the change that's coming, so it really needs to make perfect sense. Maybe try "Nothing rushed; it's only too real for me. For me."

And there's nothing like the rush of not knowing what will come of me.

-I think you meant to say "become" instead of "come".

And there's nothing like the rush of putting myself in your hands.

-This was my favorite line.

But be sure to understand, this is a one time only.

-With "one" in the line, you don't really need "a". Or you can keep them both, and change the line to "But be sure to understand, this is a one-time-only thing." or something like that.

It's not a one night stand,and it's too serious for a wounded heart like me.

-(Small typo: add a space between "stand," and "and".) I'll talk about "a wounded heart like me." later, so just keep it in mind.

I say city dreams, not the one.

-Mmm, City Dreams. Anyway, I see what you're saying. Which makes this line perfectly okay... but I'm one of those people that might end up disliking a song if the lyrics sound backwards. So I'm going to suggest "I say city dreams, (they're ["they're" is unnecessary, but it might help understanding]) not for us." (possibly "me" instead of "us"). But that completely messes up the syllable count, and because I don't know how this song sounds to you, I'm going to say that this is something trivial and you should probably ignore it. ("I say city dreams, this isn't one." (?))

It felt rushed. It felt too real for me. For me.

-This is what I was talking about when I said it was going to become important. The thing I love about this song is that it represents a change, a small one, but one that means a lot to the person singing it. This line is what helped me understand the fourth and eleventh lines, but without it, I might not have understood what you were trying to say.

You say look at me, I'm a wreck, you are too, but we could learn to be
something strong, something good, something sweet... maybe.

-These two lines are two of the most emotionally charged in this song, which makes them especially important. Now, with that in mind, you might want to consider that last word. "I love her so much, maybe I'll kiss her." (versus) "I love her so much, I'm going to kiss her." If you're going for a sad or wistful feel, the "maybe" is a good addition. If you want something strong, something that shows love for what it is, either get rid of the "... maybe." exchange it for something else, or sing it like it it's not an insecurity (which is how it looks typed) or like it's a honest statement.

Cause there's nothing like the rush of not knowing what will come of me.

-Again, I think you mean "become" instead of "come".

But be sure to understand... it's not a one time only.

-Same as last time. With "one" in the line, you don't really need "a". Or you can keep them both, and change the line to "But be sure to understand... it's not a one-time-only thing." or something like that.

It's not a one night stand. This isn't too serious for a healing heart like me.

-I agree with PSMoon. This is another change (from "a wounded heart like me."), and, like I said earlier, the changes are extremely important to this song. As an idiom, "a bleeding heart like me" would be acceptable, but the way it is here is awkward. So consider PSMoon's change, "It's not a one night stand, and it's too serious for a wounded heart like mine.", as well as "It's not a one night stand. This isn't too serious for a healing heart like mine."

-One final note: In relation to emotion, I find "rush" to be a very good description. You used it here with two basic ways, however, and I find that it dilutes its meaning. First, you have it used relative to the relationship ("Nothing rushed only too real for me."). Second, you use it in the sense of emotion ("And there's nothing like the rush of putting myself in your hands."). Now, even though you use it multiple times for each (which is actually a good thing, it gives each line a connection to the others that have the same version of "rush"), using it to mean two things makes it seem... overused. I like the second meaning more, so I'd suggest "Nothing hurried [or some other synonym]; it's only too real for me." with the same change in the other lines with the same version of "rush". (If I just majorly confused you, that would be the eleventh, fourteenth, and seventeenth lines as shown on your post.)

I really liked this. If I've interpreted this correctly (which is questionable, considering the current time), what you did with the small change makes this something that has the potential to be a moving song. I'd really love to hear it how you hear it, but from what I can tell, it's got a barbed beauty to it. Just sharp enough to get a tear or two.

Great job.

Wow, that's really deep Ty! Brilliant wording that paints a colorful picture. I applaud you! I'm not the best at lyrics, but Awesome work!

No Words. This is great.