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Young Writers Society


I Need Someone



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Thu Jan 13, 2011 8:56 am
Danicalifornia26 says...



I wrote this after my dad was diagnosed with stomach cancer. I stare at this blank page
Not knowing what to say
Or express how I feel
I want to let it all out

All I know is that
My life feels like one giant bad dream
And as the tears fall
I try to find hope
Or a way to push through it all

Chorus:
But there is one thing I know
That I need someone
To stand by my side
To hold my hand
To just be there

Even if I can't explain what I feel
Or why I feel this way
I wish with a snap of my fingers
I could be me again
And not this person I'm not

I can wipe away the tears
Stand tall like nothing is wrong
But doesn't change the fact
That inside I am breaking

Chorus:
With all I can't explain
And all that I can hide
I need someone
To stand by my side
To hold my hand
And be there

I want to reach out
But I don't know what to say
I'm just trying to keep myself together
The string is becoming thin
And I am terrifed to break

Chorus:
I need someone
To stand by my side
To hold my hand
To be there

And maybe I will find the strength
To speak what cramps my head
And shed the tears
I'm afraid to show
To anyone other than you




Well there is my first post. Tell me what you think and if there is anything you would change.
  





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Thu Jan 13, 2011 1:33 pm
Abi says...



i really like this songas it expresses alot of emaotion and true feelings
  





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Thu Jan 13, 2011 1:51 pm
ehte92 says...



Its a good piece...
But it has got a lot of choruses compared to the main material....
You better work on the main a bit more...
I'm really sorry for you dad....
Keep writing... :)
PM me for anything... :D
Are you living for the things you are praying for?
  





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50 Reviews



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Thu Jan 13, 2011 9:44 pm
armstronge says...



It's a great song. But there's a lot of chorus. You might want to add more, cause it can be a little boring if it's just the chorus.
There's lots of emotion in it. It's great! I hope your dad gets better. Keep writing!
“To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world”

“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”

“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.”
  





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Thu Jun 09, 2011 6:07 am
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Danicalifornia26 says...



Thank you all for your comments. I know am getting back to you way late and I'm sorry. Just a lot has happened since I posted this. My dad did end up passing away. Thank you for advice and will keep it in mind.
  





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Thu Jun 09, 2011 6:15 am
Danicalifornia26 says...



I see what you guys are saying. What happed is I didn't seperate the verse and chorus very well. The chorus is only but there is one thing I know
That I need someone
To stand by my side
To hold my hand
To be there
  





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Thu Jun 09, 2011 11:48 am
jenmarie says...



i agree on their comments
your song was full of emotions..'
nice!
~jenjen

i love you. and won't get tired of saying i love you.

jheron
  





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Thu Jun 09, 2011 5:14 pm
Chelsea4827 says...



I really liked this, it was full of emotion and I am so sorry for your news.
In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't. -- Blaise Pascal
  





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Fri Jun 10, 2011 6:30 am
Danicalifornia26 says...



thank you so much!!
  








A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity.
— Franz Kafka