Young Writers Society

Not a poem...but a song Just a fun song I wrote up one day while I was bored...critique at will!

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I look so cute sitting in this tree
Staring at the giraffe who’s sitting on his knees
He nods his head, but there’s no beat
I dance along, my moves are sweet
I start to hum
Fee fi fo fum!
I smile up to the sun
Because the dancing has begun


Giraffe, oh you giraffe.
You make me laugh
When your long neck swings
Giraffe, oh you giraffe.
On my behalf
I wish we could make this last.
Dancing with you is such a blast.


He’s doing a jig, he’s taking it far
He learned that dance while at a bar
I slide across the jungle floor
My moves are slick, he wants some more.
We waltz, we spin, we do the twist
Giraffe, your moves I can’t resist!


Giraffe, oh you giraffe.
You make me laugh
When your long neck swings
Giraffe, oh you giraffe
On my behalf
I wish we could make this last.
Dancing with you is such a blast.


Giraffe. Giraffe.
You’re my second half,
We now dance by the light of the moon.
I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.
We move as one, we’re in sync
When I dance with you, I don’t even think.


Giraffe.
Ooooooooooh.
Giraffe.

This could work as a funny song. My main complaint is that sometimes the words you use seem to have been used for rhyme's sake, not because they really have anything to do with the rest of the song. The two spots are: "Fee fie fo fum" and "He learned that dance while at a bar." Like, if you make this a giraffe who walks on two legs and is a cartoony kind of giraffe wearing a pinstripe suit or something, the bar line works, but the way it's written it seems like just...a giraffe. Sure, a dancing giraffe, but not the kind of giraffe who would go to the bar and swing with babes. Know what I mean?

But other than that, it was kind of fun. I'm curious as to how it would sound when sung...

~Blue

I really like this song. It's so cheery and fun! I have a question though: Why of all animals did you choose a giraffe? I mean, they're cute and funny looking, but I'm just curious as to why you chose a giraffe. Anyways, I really liked the song. You should have a tune for this and make it into a kids song or something! In that case, you'd have to change the "he learned it at a bar" line, but you know what I mean.

Aw, this was cute and comedic. I really enjoyed it, and it gave me a good laugh.