Young Writers Society

Again...first time at this kind of writing so I'm not sure if it's good...

I lay, in my room all alone
And I say, to myself that there’s nothing wrong
There’s music playin’ in the background
But I can’t hear a sound

No, no, nooo

Spending my days thinkin’ about you…
Isn’t really working out for me.
Your name and your voice echoes throughout my brain.

It echoes…

Why do you have to live so far away?
All I can do is pray that maybe I’ll get to see you someday…

Maybe…just maybe
Baby, oh baby
I wanna see your face next to mine
For the first time.

You say, you love me...
Over the phone, so sweetly…
I remember you called me some night
And you played me a song that blew my mind


I remember all those good times
All those nights we talked on the phone
When I’m talkin’ to you, I feel like there’s a Heaven on Earth


I wanna talk to you some more...
But I toss my phone on the floor
‘Cause I feel like I’m annoying you
But baby, oh baby I just miss you…


I just…oh I just miss you…


You say that you miss me every night ‘n’ day
And every once in a while
I’ll pick up my phone and dial…
Just to hear your voice on the voicemail…

I was reading through some old books the other day and found some lyrics similar to these that I had written about 4 years ago. This is were it all starts and just as I have you will look over these lyrics next week, next month, next year and so on and make little changes as you go making additions of experience and growth into this song. A good start to, keep writing!!

Heya Justis! So woo! You're my final review before I hit 300

So it actually reminded me of a Taylor Swift song, first thought that popped to mind. One thing that bugged me though and I see this quite a bit in lyrics- there's no chorus. Now if you think about your favorite song there's usually a line that's repeated at least twice, and it's a pretty important part of the song. Without it, it just seems like I'm reading poetry, especially since there's no music to go with it xD.

Also another thing is the fact that the stanzas (lets call them that because I can't remember the proper name xD) go from rhyming, to not, to rhyming again and that kind of throws off the rhythm.

I can really relate to this, and I liked it you did a good job, lyrics are hard to do and I commend you! One more little tip before I go, you might want to inject a little more poeticness into it. One of my favorite things is listening to songs and figuring out the hidden meaning in lines of the songs. It makes it have more depth, and makes it more interesting to me.

Anyway! I hope this made some sense and helped! Good luck and keep writing <3

~Hope

JustisMarez wrote:Again...first time at this kind of writing so I'm not sure if it's good...

I lay, in my room all alone
And I say, to myself that there’s nothing wrong
There’s music playin’ in the background
But I can’t hear a sound

No, no, nooo

Spending my days thinkin’ about you…
Isn’t really working out for me.
Your name and your voice echoes throughout my brain.

(It echoes)

Why do you have to live so far away?
All I can do is pray that maybe I’ll get to see you someday…

Maybe…just maybe
Baby, oh baby
I wanna see your face next to mine
For the first time.

You say, you love me...
Over the phone, so sweetly…
I remember you called me some night
And you played me a song that blew my mind


I remember all those good times
All those nights we talked on the phone
When I’m talkin’ to you, I feel like there’s a Heaven on Earth


I wanna talk to you some more...
But I toss my phone on the floor
‘Cause I feel like I’m annoying you
But baby, oh baby I just miss you…


I just…oh I just miss you…


You say that you miss me every night ‘n’ day
And every once in a while
I’ll pick up my phone and dial…
Just to hear your voice on the voicemail…

Every thing else looks great

Its really sweeet. I know what it feels like and this really hits home. the way you write describes how it feels to miss. the spacing kind of bugged me a bit... very nice use of metaphors and great literary skills.

and for your first time writing it is very good, but dont most lyrics have a chorus.? maybe yo should add some repatiton*sp so its more like lyrics less like a song.