Savior

I am new to lyric writting so please go easy, but be honest. __________________________________________________________________________________________
Boxed in by my redemption
Trying so hard not to mention
The life I had
before I knew you

Scream'n to get out
Cant you hear my shouts
Its five a.m.
and the radio is blaring so dang loud

chorus
But some how you found me
and you were able to see
the secrets in my eyes
the truth between the lies

I needed to be set free
and you saved me
I was so afraid
you were so brave

Crying for mercy
searching for what I need
Your words stuck in my head
rose petals on the bed

repeat chorus

Yet now your gone and all I see
In darkness set before me
A lesson to be learned
A picture left to burn

But when I cry
I know inside
you see me lying hear
knowing what I fear

Chorus

Hmmm! This definitely caught my eye, I'd just like to know the sound of the music! Anyway , I'm not too familiar with lyric writing so I hope my critique will actually help! All right well I thought some of the rhyming was a bit forced. For example-

I was so afraid
you were so brave

I don't like the repeating so's and would replace them or just take them out. Also I thougth these lines (specifically the last one) were a little cliche.

Your words stuck in my head
rose petals on the bed

I think the first line is fine, but... the second could be improved.

But some how you found me
and you were able to see
the secrets in my eyes
the truth between the lies

This is my favorite stanza. It works very well. I hope this helped at all... pm me if you need a review!

Thanks! I will keep all of those things in mind. As for the music... Well it is what you feel about it. It to me is more Alternative rock. It could be country. The only arguement i have to make is that i meant for the rose petals and words to be a bit cliche, but looking back I guess it does sound weird. I am working on the forced rhyming. Alot of the music I listen to has rhymes. i will try hard thanks again

the only thing i noticed in these sogn lyrics is that i see where the chorus starts but whee does it end? her is what i do i put a double space between the verses and the chorus that way it is easier to see where the chorus ends and the next verse begins or i aslo when i write on notebook paper i put V1 and V2 and so on for my verses inthe margin at the first line of each verse. overall don't worry about rhyming i don't i just write what comes to mind and write until i come up with a song that i like and somehow it flows toegther brillantly. sometimes i write a lien and decide i don't like it so i have to start over. my fave part was the same as Winie603's. if you'd like i will post some of my lyrics and let you see them eventhough none of my songs have titles yet.

the only thing i noticed in these sogn lyrics is that i see where the chorus starts but whee does it end? her is what i do i put a double space between the verses and the chorus that way it is easier to see where the chorus ends and the next verse begins or i aslo when i write on notebook paper i put V1 and V2 and so on for my verses inthe margin at the first line of each verse. overall don't worry about rhyming i don't i just write what comes to mind and write until i come up with a song that i like and somehow it flows toegther brillantly. sometimes i write a lien and decide i don't like it so i have to start over. my fave part was the same as Winie603's. if you'd like i will post some of my lyrics and let you see them eventhough none of my songs have titles yet.