Harmony (Loveless)

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8118665

I once knew a Harmony, middle name was peace, and that’s exactly what she offered me.
Said if I was true maybe she would fall for me, and that if I was hers she would risk it all for me.
All for me, told me she would climb the tallest tree, upon the tallest tree, she spoke her heart to me.
Are you always gonna live half-heartedly? Open your eyes and maybe you will start to see.
She cut me deep, real deep tore an artery, Peace and Harmony isn’t what I thought it’d be.
Honestly, I wonder what she saw in me; every now and then I hear her voice calling me.
When she left it was like she took apart of me, Harmony she was the ending and the start of me.
Harmony, the rain falls as I weep, last names dream, only see her when I sleep.
The rain falls as I weep, her last names dream, only see her when I sleep.
Harmony…

This is really good! I really liked it! The only thing is that it didn't really seem like a poem. It didn't have the flow of one. It was more like a short story.... just wanted to point that out because it bothered me. Other then that I really enjoyed it!

Yeah I guess so, thanks

No problem.

Hey Rebel!

Wow, it's very impressive that you have recorded the song as well! The genre isn't what I usually like to listen to, but I was glad to listen to yours because the lyrics worked much better when I heard them like that. I think you should maybe clarify, in an author's note or something, that this is a hip hop song or whatever you like to call it, because if I hadn't listened to the recording and known it was hip hop, I wouldn't have gotten it. At least I think so.

I once knew a Harmony, middle name was peace, and that’s exactly what she offered me.

This means the girl's first name is Harmony and her middle name is Peace, right? It could be even clearer than it is now.

she was the ending and the start of me.

This is my favourite part of the song.

last names dream

Hmm? I don't get this.

So, don't think I know anything about hip hop, because I don't. I thought it was a very authentic song, which I guess is mainly because I could actually listen to it. The rhymes work well, and all in all it seems very real. You could consider expanding, actually!


Demeter
x

Thanks, but it wasn't actually about a girl...

The song was a metaphor "Harmony" (first name) with myself is what I gained. "Peace" (middle name) is what that harmony gave me. Her last names "Dream" only see her when I sleep. (I lost that Harmony now I only feel at peace in my sleep)

Hip-hop doesn't always have to be about the things you hear on the radio, I'm glad you listened and I hope I cleared it up a little for you