Ruined

Okay I'm not too good with lyrics but here is one I just jotted down. Enjoy!


#FF0000 ">Verse 1
*piano plays softly*
The moment seemed so right
You walking by my side
But now its all gone
You're gone----

#FF0000 ">Chorus
*Electric guitar plays*
You ruined my moment!
You ruined me life---
I'm dead without you
I can't even breathe----
I need you here----
But you're gone

#FF0000 ">Verse 2
*electric guitar still plays but it grows softer*
You don't even look at me
You don't even brush my arm
You just walk on by
Like I'm just the wall-----

#FF0000 ">Chorus

If you think I don't care
Well you're wrong!
My heart aches when I see you
My skin is cold when I see her
My gut burns when I see your hands in hers----

#FF0000 ">Chorus 2X

*Grows quieter*
You think I'm dead...
You think I'm gone...
But I'm still here----

#FF0000 ">Chorus

I'm like the wall
Like the tree
Like the grass
Like the dirt
You trample on me
Not caring that I'm there----

*Chorus keeps going until it fades out*

Oy vey that one hit home. :S I know the feeling. :'( Seems to be just how I feel about my ex. It is so good, just great!!!!

I'm not a good critter, I know, but one complaint, it seems a tad choppy, maybe cause I can't put it to music in my head. No words on paper (computer) can I. good job!!!

Hi!
I think, that it will be very beautiful song. It also express feelings very well. I think, that this song will be close for people. Many people went through such things. But without music I didn't understand rhyme, but may be with music it will be better (I have the same things with lyrics in english language.
So, with the best wishes
Antonina.

Hey

I write lyrics more than other stuff myself, so i get where your coming from with this but if your going to do the (cant think of a better word- so as above) "choppy" style of writing, wher you have few lyrics on each line, you shouldnt repeat your lines:

But now its all gone
You're gone----

I suggest you have the second line as backing, or alter it

You ruined my moment!
You ruined me life---

I think you mean MY LIFE here. ALso, contradictory to what i said before, it works here

I need you here----
But you're gone
You just walk on by
Like I'm just the wall-----

I L O V E the last line here. ALso, maybe get rid of "by" in the line before. It flows better.

My heart aches when I see you
My skin is cold when I see her
My gut burns when I see your hands in hers----

Not sure of the tempo here, but apart from that i like the last line here as well



Eeesh that reveiw was a bit harsh :S Sorry

Ella
XOX

I loved the song! It was great! I totally agree with you about it, I know how it feels, But that was more like a boy freind and girl freind thing... You explained that very well in your song. But I didnt really feel any rythem or beat in this lyric, but it is not that important beacuse you mite be thinking about a totally differant melody. But anyways I think that you deserve a star for this! I loved it!

Wow! not a songwritter? this was great. I can really hear how i would make this song sound. i dissagre with lordgluzman, i hear the beat in my head. but it's only the way i would make it sound. i have no idea how you want it to sound of course. i would love to hear it to music.My favorite part is the first verse, it's a great song opening. I feel sorry for whoever breaks your heart.

Hi there. This is good.
You get your message along well. You have a good sense of rhythm and a very nice flow. Flow is really important in lyrics.
Some things I don't like is that the verses and chores are very short. You also do not have a bridge. Personally the bridge the best in most songs.
Also, it is a bit of a whinge song. I mean you are kind of just complaining about this guy.
Anyway, It was still very good.