This is extremely short and repetitive. You need to lenghthen it and add more substance. Every song has a reason why it was written, normally to express emotion. Get more descriptive. This might be good for a chorus, but it's not considered a song. where were you trying to go with this? I would suggest adding verses to lenghthen it and get some different thoughts and expressions in there.
Trystyn!
*looks over 'song'*
It doesn't make any since...
I'm sorry but it doesn't...
I'll help you out with my new Alto Sax, kay?
And you can play your TRUMPET!
Just Kidding...o_O
Anyways, I'll help you out to figure out more, kay?
If you don't know it's impossible it's easier to do. And because nobody's done it before, they haven't made up rules to stop anyone doing that again, yet. — Neil Gaiman
