vena cava.

when the sky turns watercolour
i want you next to me.
your hands are pink with cold
but i'm here.
i'll keep them warm.

strumming on my heartstrings;
i hope there's a chord
to let me know what you're thinking.
don't leave me alone
keep talking, please.
keep saying those words you know i love.

the morning glistens fresh
i see your breath
the air stinging our faces.
we're seconds apart.
you're miles away.

always i'm wanting you here.
always i'm waiting for you.


strumming on my heartstrings;
i hope there's a chord
to let me know what you're thinking.
don't leave me alone
keep talking, please.
keep saying those words you know i love.

it's a broken melody,
but it does for now;
i never say always
unless i mean it.

and i'm searching for a line
to write down, and give to you
so you'd never stop smiling.

Very nice!

You put a familiar imgae - the heartstrings - down in an unusual way, and the "broken melody" and "a chord to let me know what you're thinking" is very effective. You need to put capitals in here. I think the rest of your grammer's alrite, but you have NO capitals here, so look over this and put them in.

-T

as a personal preference, i don't use capitals in poetry/lyrics.
i just don't like them.

thankyou for the critique. :]
i must admit it's a lot better than the terrible things that spouted from my pen last year.