Young Writers Society

i may not be totally over you
but your not here anymore
you left with yours and my heart too
you left without another from you

*CHORUS*

you left without a kiss good-bye
not a hug or wave or anything to say
that you might not be here in the morning
not anything to say that you
would of left me here to stay
all by myself, alone without you

*END CHORUS*

and maybe i shall sit here until you return
but by then what will you be
just another heart breaker out for a victim
a vampire in search of blood
possibly someone just as appealing as before
but we all know, that you are the same
and that ...

*CHORUS*

but we may have predicted this before
from the look in your eyes
as you lay beside me last night (last night)
i laid beside you , but tonight (but tonight)
i lay beside no one (beside no one)
and do you now why (do you know why)
because...

*CHORUS* [slower]

because you left without a kiss good-bye
not a hug or wave or anything to say
that you might not be here in the morning.

Your song was nice, but sooooooo depressing . How about some happy tunes? Also, your song didn't have alot of body and seemed to "slip" a lot.

Your mechanics could use some improvement. Please capitalize "I" and use some more puncuation.

The first verse made little sense. "You left without another..." what? And it was pretty cliche.

The chorus was good, but it's "would have" or "would've", not "would of".

I liked the second and third verses. Keep writing!

I agree!
It was very depressing. but it shows strong "moody-ness" and it's pretty much focused. It did bounced from idea to idea a little. I liked your song. because it ended with a "bang" that left an impression to those who read it and that was nice!