Young Writers Society

Lets see if I can get farther than last year!XD
Critiques are much appreciated.

April 1st,
Untitled

Silence fills the empty cracks
of lives
lived in solitude.
Hidden under rocks
to escape

the lies of the ruckus
above.
For,
truth lives

in the stillness
after a heartbeat
and a final breath.


This one is about a project that we were working on in science for about six weeks. Sorry it's so long.

April 2nd
Identity

Kingdom- Animalia
In science class
we scour the dirt
searching for
organisms
too small to be
noticed
by chance

Phylum- Chordata
Here!
Someone will call
and we rush
the larvae
under the microscope
to find something
to stereotype.

Class- Mammalia
The Boll Weevil,
Anthonomus grandis,
now sits on a shelf
with other
identified,
unwanted, organisms.
Waiting to be returned.

Order- Primates
With dirty fingers
we return to our soil
ripping apart grass
to find
another creature.

Family- Hominidae
We marvel at the idea
of finding something
undiscovered.
A nameless species
to call
our own.

Genus- Homo
By a chance, we hope
to find fame
with the taxonomists
around the
world.

Species- Sapiens
Lost in this identification
process,
we forget to
find ourselves
as more than
Homo Sapiens.

Sorry - they are most certainly NOT awful. Please do not apologise before - or after - you write. I actually really liked the second one - but I can see a scientific spin being put on the first as well!

I love that originality (at least, I've never seen it done before) of having Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species, all the while getting at the idea in the last line of 'identity' and the fact that we can lose our humanity in scientific pursuits. Very nicely done. Keep writing.

I agree with Navita! They're not awful by any means. I love the second one especially, because I think it's stronger, and I appreciate that you have a twist of a focus at the end. A line I really liked in the first poem was

in the stillness
after a heartbeat
and a final breath.

It was interesting to think where silence lives, but further than that you encouraged the reader to think about where it lives in relation to themselves, which I think made a good connection. I hope to see a few more poems here, soon.

-Hannah-