It’s getting worse each day, but we manage to put on a smile, a fake one at that. It kills me to know how he could deal with himself. He’s practically a teething demon caged within his own pride. Why are we still desperate for a clutch? I want to kill him but I know i could never mean it. I want to drown him in his own selfish desires and stab him through and through.. but i know i could never do it.
He knows better. He knows this is tragedy yet he comes to it like it’s the only thing worth doing in his life. What pisses me off is the fact that we had to be dragged into this. He’s a walking irony. He wants this, you give him this, he doesnt want it, he smacks you out. What the f^cco does he exactly WANT?!!
Chili is supposed to be happy today, why can't he spare a moment of meaningless silence and fake a smile like we do? It's just for today. WHY CAN'T HE GET SOME OF HIS MUSCLES TO WORK ON A DRY GRIN?! It’s just for a while. Just for today. What’s exactly so hard about putting some effort in trying to make someone happy? You can't last for a minute? You cant take what they're saying so you walk away? And if we reciprocate your anger, what? you wanna kill us too? I can never figure out what seems to be the problem after all. Or maybe we already have. Maybe it really is you. And you know it.
And f*ck you for knowing. Do you know you're losing us one by one? Do you even want us? Are we complete mockeries of what you don't want us to be? Does it kill you that we become so good to you? Do you want to get out from hell? Are you really going to change? If so, WHEN? In God’s time? Do you even believe so? Are you f^cking messing with our minds? Do you want us to smack sh^t right in front of your face so you'd never say we never told you? What is it that you want?
I can only rant, cry and pray.
Then ill stumble over and over by myself.
BUT,
I'll get up because I refuse to be like you.
I'll continue to be good to you because you're not worth getting all worked up about.
You're no good thats why I have to be good.
I dont know when I'll last or when YOU will,
but one thing’s for sure,
I'll continue to lift you up because all you can do is look down.
It's gonna be a case of hot and cold,
nonetheless, I'm gonna keep on trying,
because if you're a tragic washed-out f^cco, i definitely won't allow you spreading your sh^t in my heaven.
I love you.
will try to do that ;] xxx