[deleted]

2 posts

Was this worth an A+?

  • Yes 75%
  • No No votes
  • I'd say a B... 25%

Total votes: 4

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Points 1781
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Last edited by anti-pop on Thu Apr 09, 2009 5:35 pm, edited 5 times in total.




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 2
I believe that your essay was very personal and touching to mostly everyone, because we have all felt some sort of scared and loneliness. I think you did a good job however I think that if you can make it flow better it was make it less choppy. For example you ended one of your paragraphs with karate, then open right up into some boy. Maybe if you used more of a description to ease into your relationship with him so it seems more meaningful. Also in the opening paragraph I think you would greatly benefit if you are more decriptive of your emotion sate. If you bring the reader down that sad lonely path you were experiencing, to then bring them back up as you did, it will hold the readers attention better. Therefore making your point stick deeper. Additionally in the conclusion look for a more in depth universal meaning that can touch every kind of reader. In conclusion, great job and keep up the good work!



I was flummoxed by fractious Franny's decision to abrogate analgesics for the moribund victims of the recent conflagration. Of course, to display histrionics was discretionary, but I did so anyways, implicating a friend in my drama to make the effect cumulative. I think a misanthrope would have a prosaic appellation, perhaps one related to autonomy and the rejection of anthropocentrism. I think they wouldn't think much of the prominence of watching the coagulation of tea to prognosticate future malevolent events, not even if those events were related to jurisprudence.
— Spearmint