The Touch chapter

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Since it seemed nobody cared, I did something I hadn't in years. I prayed.

"God, what are you doing? Why have you left me to rot?" There wasn't any answer from on high. "If n-nothing else, a-at least let me have a book. Just one."

Well, nothing happened. Then a voice said, "Excuse me. Do you need help? I've got some water."

I looked up. A young man, probably around twenty, stood over me. He was dressed in faded but intact jeans and a clean black t-shirt. "I'm Keith," he said.

"Mia," I said, and sniffled. Compared to him, I felt like a beggar- my ratty shirt, uncombed hair, pants that were falling apart.

"Come on, Mia. I'll see if my school has room for you." He helped me up as if I were made of glass.

"You go to school? I dunno- when I last saw the inside of one. They have books there, right?"
*
They did. And there was food- more than I'd set eyes on in years. Keith's classmates stared as I ate everything at a gulp- Jell-O, macaroni, some kind of meat. My cat's stomach did a jig at that.

"Well, well," Keith murmured. "At least somebody appreciates Martha's cooking."

I swallowed. "Are you gonna get in trouble with your principal or what have you?"

"Dean Engstrom? I should hope not. -Hey, Kalen! Come sit with us."

I turned. A large, by which I mean gigantic, girl was headed towards us. She had tanned skin, muscles like a weight lifter, and the kindest eyes. All together, I felt I'd rather be on her good side.

"Hey, Keith. Who's that?"

"This is Mia. I sort of stumbled across her, you know?"

Kalen rumbled a laugh. "You, I know how that works. So, Mia- you're in St. Luke's School. We're pretty strong Christians- hope that doesn't offend you."

"Umm. N-no, it doesn't. Your friend k-kinda came in answer to a prayer." Just then a buzzer went off. I flinched.

"It's okay. We've got to go to class- hmm. Keith, I think she'd benefit from a nap and change of clothes. C'mon."

The three of us trooped out of the room, past students who waved or stared or ignored us. I felt like I did before a rumble- tense, ready to bolt.

We stopped in front of a gray-haired woman- Dean Engstrom. Keith told her about me while I watched her.

"I see. It'd be neglecting my duty not to help someone in need. Get to class, you two; I'll take care of her."

My heart sped up. Take care- did she want to kill me? I snarled- fangs out, hands clenched, ready for anything. Almost.

"Lord have mercy- you're the one." The dean put her hands out, palms upwards.

"The one- don't try anything! These teeth aren't just for show!"

Kalen stepped between us. "Nobody wants to hurt you, Mia. I promise."
Last edited by Stori on Mon Jul 11, 2011 11:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"The one thing you can't trade for your heart's desire is your heart."
Miles Vorkosigan

"You can be an author if you learn to paint pictures with words."
Brian Jacques




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It's interesting. This is the shortest thing I have ever read that has interested me so quickly! Very good!
Perhaps everything will get better if people stop being so stupid?




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This is good. I think grammatically its almost perfect, but don't take my word for it I'm not one for nitpicking.
I guess for me the only issue with it is its brevity. It is only a chapter, but still seemed very short. I really want to read on; it feels almost as though I have got part way through sentence and stopped without getting the satisfaction of knowing what the sentence was about. If that makes sense. I also must say I love the description of Mia. I wish I could provide a little more insight but I really couldn't find any flaws and it was too short to really extract any relevant criticism of the characters/plot.
Keep it up,
JP
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It's indeed interesting and short.

I'm a little amazed how you could fit in so much character, drama and other information in so little space. (that is a compliment)

I'm thinking if it would be good advice for you to try and make it more detailed. That would totally ruin the first sentence I wrote haha. On the other hand, I think it could get even better if you put in more details, especially concerning the setting of the different scenes.

I certainly want to read more of this. Good Job!
This could very well be the push that makes you move



Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
— Mark Twain