Arms Of Death [Prologue]

*This is the prologue to my new novel! I hope you like it*

They say that in the end your life flashes before your eyes. That in the end everything will make sense. All of the hardship, confusion, relationships, misunderstandings, fights, and sadness will sort themselves out, and for once in your short life there will be no more confusion or worry. And you finally get to relax for those last few moments of bliss.

But when you’re fourteen, lying on the wet ground, dying before life has even started, nothing makes sense. There wasn’t some bright light taking me back to my best childhood memories, when life was carefree. I was only thinking a couple things; How could I let this happen? What will Charlie do without me? Will they ever find me? I was confused, lost, and in the worst amount of pain.

My body was so numb I could hardly feel the pellets of rain stabbing my tender skin. I couldn’t see the difference between the intense flashes of lightning and the darkness under my closed lids. Everything sounded like it was miles away, even the loud booming thunder overhead. So horrid was my hearing condition that I couldn’t hear the voices calling my name from further in the woods. When you can’t hear the one thing that will bring you back to life, the only other path runs straight into the suffocating arms of death.

Well done! Though it's too short, it does manage to envoke emotion in the reader and make him want to see the rest of the story. So just make it a bit longer, and I'll be perfectly satisfied. I'm intrigued with the story and hope to see the rest of it soon. Keep writing!

Hey KAH!
Hmm... Rocky likey. Muchly. I agree with Vas, though it is very short it grabs the readers attention very well. I can't wait to read more of it! It was a fahrvergnügen to read this.

Hi, I'm Nephthys, and I will be reviewing your lovely prologue

KAH wrote:They say that in the end your life flashes before your eyes.

Unfortunately, I've heard this opening line several times before.

KAH wrote:All of the hardship, confusion, relationships, misunderstandings, fights, and sadness will sort itself themselves out., Aand for once in your short life there will be no more confusion or worry. and you finally get to relax for those last few moments of bliss.

This sentence was flowing a little awkwardly. I gave you a suggestion of how to make it smoother, but there are many other ways as well.

KAH wrote: But when you’re fourteen, lying on the wet ground, dying before life has even started, nothing makes sense. [There should be a new paragraph here] There wasn’t some bright light taking me back to my best childhood memories, when life was carefree.

When you can’t hear the one thing that will replenish you back to life

I'm not entirely certain about your use of the word "replenish" here. Is there a different way that you can say this?

OVERALL:
I disagree with the first two reviewers. I think that longer is not necessarily better. Shorter is great (especially for a prologue) as long as it captures your reader's attention. On one hand, I think that this prologue as a whole makes the reader want to read on, but on the other hand, they might stop right at the first line, because it is a little overused.

I think that you have a very promising writing style! However, I would suggest applying it to a different topic for your prologue, because I think that the "flashback-before-death" idea has been used too many times before to really work.


- Nephthys

Alright, so, although that was short, I liked it.
I found you,in that short paragraph, found a good sense of character, which I enjoyed. YOu also had a very good emotion in there, and I could feel it all as I read. So, yay for you on that.
If there was one thing I would suggest id to make it a bit longer. was your MC killed? what time was it? was it someone your MC knew well?

~WickedWonder

I like it, a short prologue that can keep a reader wanting to read on. Now that's a prologue right there :]
The character seems to be interesting. I can say that the opening is overused.
I hope to read the first chapter now xD
So now I'm waiting :l

This is really good! It really captured my attnetion, and I want to know what happens. PM me when you post more