"The Best Year" Chapter 1

theangelabove wrote:"And thats how uspell out you multiply a negative times a negativecomma" Mr.Smith utterd[color=#FF0000 ]Uttered[/color].new paragragh "Are u spell out youawake Mrs.Kraftis she married? If not make it Ms. Kraft?"new paragraph "Oh yes sir!" i capital Iquickly said before he could catch me sleeping in class. The bell ringsrang. "See spell out youu tommrowtomorrow everyone!" new paragraph"So Jessica did u spell out youget the promblemproblem in class?" Jake saidasked not said. Jake was my best friend. We have known each other since we were in diapers wichwhich not wich is a little weird if uyou ask me. He had the prettiest green eyes. It looked like I was staring into a sea of shamrocks.Plus he had an adorable southern accent that got me every time he talked to me. Also this year as freshman's or as seniours seniorscall us "freshmeat", we have every class together Get rid of the smily you dont have those in a story . We left the classroom. new paragraph"So how was yuryour summer?" he asked.new paragraph "It was ok i guess. ycapital You?" new paragraph"Oh mine was awesome! icapital I got to take a trip to key westcapital K in key and W in west, it was really nice."new paragrapph "Thats good, wish icapital I could have went and get out of the house :/why do you have a smiley face? if you want the MC to make that face say and I said grimacing or smiling NO ONE uses a smiley its childish, stupid, and I am not even going to go into it." As Jake told me about his trip to the Keys we headed to the lunch room. new paragraph"Oh joy, gotta love the food here...why's there three periods??? I am confused" "Yeayeah not yea iI not i know its horrible" he said. new paragraphWe didnt eat. All we did the period was talk and talk, tilluntil not till or if you want to use till its til ONE L i I not iheard the lunch doors fly open. As iI not i stares at the most cutest its cutest not most cutest that sounds like a 1 year oldand hottest guy i I not ihave ever layed my eyes on, it was the boy I have liked since 7th grade. comma not periodTyler Smith. Now i I not ithought to myself this is gonna be the best years no smiley faces.

Overall? This is harsh very harsh so be aware.
1. I didn't get the story
2. It was very short and poorly written. really? A 7 year old could do better. No one uses u in a story you spell out the freaken word. The grammar is terrible the writing is ehh and I didnt get the story. I can honestly say unless your next chapter is better written, I doubt people will waste there time editing it, I know I won't. Also, at least make the title correct. Capter? REALLY? Its chapter for god sakes! Also, you please, please don't say u. I felt like I was reading a text not a story. This was terrible and I really was just praying for the end to come. I thought oh this is a short chapter easy to review, but wow I think a first grader could do better. Please re-read before you post. PM me or write on my wall when you review it. Then I'll read it. It has GREAT potenial but I just think the mistakes were simple ones that could be avoided. I can see the comma ones but not the spelling out ones. Sorry to be harsh. Also, the mistakes I pointed out were just the SUPER easy ones to see and spot there are probably more. Sorry to be harsh but someone needed to for you to improve on your story to make it be the best it can be. When it is re-read by you I cant wait to read it I'm sure it'll be great.
Jenn

"And that's how you multiply a negative times a negative" Mr.Smith uttered?. "Are you awake Mrs.Kraft?" "Oh yes sir!" i quickly said before he could catch me sleeping in class. The bell rings. "See you tomorrow everyone!" "So Jessica did you get the problem in class?" Jake said. Jake was my best friend. We have known each other since we were in diapers which is a little weird if you ask me. He had the prettiest green eyes. It looked like I was staring into a sea of shamrocks.Plus he had an adorable southern accent that got me every time he talked to me. Also this year as freshman's or as seniors call us "fresh-meat", we have every class together . We left the classroom. "So how was your summer?" he asked. "It was OK i guess. you?" "Oh mine was awesome! i got to take a trip to key west, it was really nice." "That's good, wish i could have went and get out of the house :/." As Jake told me about his trip to the Keys we headed to the lunch room. "Oh joy, gotta love the food here..." "Yea i know its horrible" he said. We didn't eat. All we did the period was talk and talk, till i heard the lunch doors fly open. As i stares at the most cutest and hottest guy i have ever laid my eyes on, it was the boy I have liked since 7th grade. Tyler Smith. Now i thought to myself this is gonna be the best years .

"And that's how you multiply a negative times a negative" Mr.Smith uttered?.

"Are you awake Mrs.Kraft?" "Oh yes sir!" I quickly said before he could catch me sleeping in class. The bell rang.

"See you tomorrow everyone!"

"So Jessica did you get the problem in class?" Jake said. Jake was my best friend. We have known each other since we were in diapers which is a little weird if you ask me. He had the prettiest green eyes. It looked like I was staring into a sea of shamrocks.Plus he had an adorable southern accent that got me every time he talked to me. Also this year as freshman's or as seniors call us "fresh-meat", we have every class together . We left the classroom.

"So how was your summer?" he asked.

"It was OK I guess. you?"

"Oh mine was awesome! I got to take a trip to key west, it was really nice."

"That's good, wish I could have went and get out of the house :/." As Jake told me about his trip to the Keys we headed to the lunch room.

"Oh joy, gotta love the food here..."

"Yea I know its horrible" he said. We didn't eat. All we did the period was talk and talk, till I heard the lunch doors fly open. As I stares at the most cutest and hottest guy I have ever laid my eyes on, it was the boy I have liked since 7th grade. Tyler Smith. Now I thought to myself this is gonna be the best years .