Young Writers Society


Powers

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POWERS

Prologue:

Get up.
Eyes opened. Blinked. Saw the sky.
Get up.
Legs moved. Arms pushed up. Feet stood.
Who are you?
Can you walk?
Legs took a step. Another. One more.
Who are you?
How do you feel?
Who are you?
Answer.
You first.
Pause. Silence. Hesitation.
I’m a friend.
A… friend?
Yes. Now answer.
Shoulders rolled. Neck moved. Side to side. Slight headache. Not bad.
I’m okay.
Good.
Where am I?
Look.
Starlight didn’t light the landscape enough for eyes to see.
I…I can’t see. It’s too dark.
Look harder.
I can’t.
Another pause. Then light. Too much light. Eyes squint.
Can you see?
Give me a second…
Eyes adjusted. Machinery. Walls. Ceiling was gone, blackened at edges. Explosion? Perhaps. No people.
Where are you?
Here.
Where?
Machine whirled, beeped.
Here.
What… what are you?
I am a computer.
Silence. Confusion.
How can you talk?
I’ve always been able to. All computers can.
Since when?
Always. Humans simply cannot comprehend us. We are simple with them.
Then why not me?
You are special.
S…special?
Yes.
Pause again. Crickets chirped. Mind whirled. Thought. Pondered.
How so?


Ten years later

“Powers?”
“You want everyone’s or the manifested ones?”
“Shut up and give me the ones we need to target.”
“Which one? Shut up or…?”
“Scan. I’m three seconds from killing you.”
“Nice. There are two at table three. Go check it out.”
Two girls stood with their heads together among a bustling casino. In the smoky, artificial light, they stood out slightly from all of the older adults. There was a sixteen-year old with cropped brown hair pulled back in a messy sort of ponytail-bun. She wore baggy, cheap-looking clothes that hung about her frame in a way that hid any curves she might have, but seemed to fit her style nicely. The other had shoulder-length, strawberry blonde hair that was straight as a line and well-kept. Her clothes reflected this, with not a smudge or stain on them. She looked maybe twenty, twenty-one at the most.
The two separated. The older of the two disappeared behind the slot machines, while the younger made her way to one of the poker tables. There was some sort of ruckus going on.
“C’mon, Jade! Look at the odds! Don’t risk dad’s money with a pair.” Hissed an Asian boy in the ear of a girl. He was young, perhaps the youngest in the casino, though still 8 or so. He had odd, light green eyes that glowed in the semi-darkness. Shaggy black locks, striped with the same lime-ish green from his eyes, hung in his face, making him look even more childish. And then there was the girl. She was Asian as well, and looked like she could be his older sister. Her hair was pure black, and cut clean around her chin. Her head was down, but the 16-year old could see that the two shared the same small, round nose.
“Shut it. I know what I’m doing. Go play slots or something.” she hissed, placing two chips as her bet.
The dealer glared at the boy. “Under 18 are not allowed in the casino. Go try the arcade or something.” He jerked his head toward the exit. The boy pouted, but left. A couple of other players sniggered. The newcomer with cropped hair pretended to be occupied with another table, but the dealer wasn’t interested in her.
“Gotta pair, huh?” one balding man said.
“So what if I do?” she said fiercely.
He pushed his entire pile, which was rather large, into the middle of the table. “All in against the pair.”
Jade colored, looking down at her cards to hide it. A few other gamblers followed suit, laughing as they sipped their alcohol.
Jade dropped her chips through her fingers, thinking. She could fold or she could match, meaning her small pile would be gone.
She pushed her pile to the center. The dealer smiled, filling out the river from an electronic card holder. The girl who stood watching locked her eyes on the holder.
Hello there.
Salutations. Interested in the card order? I could shuffle you up a winning hand…
Not this time. Tell the internet that I need it. Get some WIFI in here.
Gladly.

She waited a couple of seconds, watching the happenings at the table. The older gamblers were either staring openmouthed or clench-jawed and furious. Jade had a straight flush. Everyone’s chips were now hers.
August! What can I help you with?
See the girl at table three?
She mentally guided the voice through cables and out a security camera, pointing out the girl. Find her. Anything you can pull. And get a hold of Scan. Text would be best.
Can do Auggie.

She rolled her eyes at the nickname. Weird how the internet could give her a nickname…
What would you like me to send to Scan?
‘Powers?’
Sent.
Good.
She watched the girl stand, trying to use the bottom of her shirt to carry her enormous pile of chips. August removed her jacket, tapping the girl on the shoulder. Jade jumped.
“Need a bit ‘a help?” August offered her a smile. The girl hesitated, but eventually nodded.
There is a reply.
Read it.
She scooped the plastic chips into the jacket. They clinked together almost musically.
Future sight. Limited. Only used when danger or gain is suspected.
Good, good. Did you get any info on her?
Orphan. Parents died after her brother was born. Name: Jade Khan. Age: 19. Brother: Nathan Khan. Age: 9. Known for walking away from casinos with just-under alarming amounts of money. No bank accounts under their names, but matching sums have been added to an account under the name ‘Jane Doe’.
Good. Keep me posted if anything else important pops up.
The last of the chips landed in the jacket. She scooped it up, taking special care to fold over the sleeves so no chips would pour out of them.
“So…” August started.
“No.” She was cut off by Jade. “Whatever bonding thing you’re about to try, don’t. I don’t do friends. I don’t do acquaintances. I don’t do names.”
“Really now? No names? What about Jade Khan?” She said, softly enough that only Jade could hear. Jade stiffened and stopped walking. August took one more step, using it to turn and face her. “Age 19, been hitting casinos with your brother Nate. But you already knew I would say that, didn’t you?”
“How…?” She whispered, then faded off, her eyes caught on the slot machines behind August. Each had a thin LCD screen above them that told the possible jackpots of the day. The screens flashed, words scrolling across them in an ordinary way. Except now they said “There are others like you, Jade.”
“I’m one of them.” August said, offering one hand.
Jade hesitated, looking from the girl’s face to her hand and back again. But she already knew what her choice would be. She’d seen it long ago, though she hadn’t expected it so soon. Jade took a deep breath and grasped August’s hand.
Hmmm...this snake is called a "Water Moccasin" so in THEORY I should be able to strap them to my feet and cross this river like Jesus?

Hush. Optimus is speaking.

"I get it, the first rule of robot fight club is you don't talk about robot fight club." -Jack, Transformers Prime




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Points 2134
Reviews 19
First, I wanna say I *REALLY* like this concept so far. It's just... for lack of better word, cool. I also really like the prologue style. Not much is yet explained, but it's already caught my attention.

I've only seen two problems so far. One is that it's a little hard to keep the characters straight at first. I think the culprit is the describing of the two girls before Jade - it mixes us up. Is there room in the story to describe them later? At this point, I'm not sure who I should be focusing on, which is a major problem.

Another is the title - though I can see it applies, it's still rather generic. You don't have to change it, but know that your title is important for grabbing a reader.

Otherwise, I'm really excited to read more! I can't wait! :'D




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Gender Female
Points 7539
Reviews 374
So first off congrats you are my 300th review! *tosses confetti around and hands balloons*

Now! With that done lets get this on shall we?

I love how you did the beginning, and I really liked the whole story so far, it intrigued me. It reminded me of The Matrix mixed with 21, so I'm already excited to read the next part! When I first clicked on this, I questioned whether it would be worth reading this whole long thing. But when I actually did it quickly grabbed my attention, and I got through it quickly. The reason I'm telling you this is because when you're posting stories here you're get more reviews if it looks easy for the reviewer to read through. (Because we're lazy like that, the quicker it looks like it is to review, the more likely we'll be to review it. xD) So a big gigantic wall of text could scare off some people from what is a really good story.

Jade colored, looking down at her cards to hide it
I think it's a little weird to refer to her as Jade just yet, since the computer/internet thing identifies her in just a little bit. It makes her seems a bit more mysterious and to me makes more sense.

No bank accounts under their names, but matching sums have been added to an account under the name ‘Jane Doe’.
Nah nah nah, you need a better fake name than that :P that's a little too suspicious. Try a name of a famous character from a book? Or something like that, but Jane Doe in my opinion is a little too nameless, trying to hard not to be seen that it's obvious. You know? But that's just me.

One last thing, I got kind of confused about the strawberry blond, I'm guessing is Scan? You might want to clarify a bit about her, and stuff.

Anyway I loved it, you did an awesome job :D.

PM me when you put the next part up and I'll be more then happy to review it! Keep writing!

~Hope
"I'd rather be hated for being who I am, then loved for who I'm not."



You can not put the entire Bee Movie in the quote generator.
— alliyah