Runaway~Prolouge, I guess

1


I stepped into the store and looked around. It bled normal. Mothers hurried their children along, trying to get out before they see something they really want to buy. Little kids darted around, playing games to relieve themselves of their boredom.
“Your not fair.” One little girl cried as she stomped her foot. Her mother swooped down and picked her up, putting her in the shopping cart. She pushed the cart right past me, not stopping to stare at me or phone the police.
My stomach grumbled and I took another look around the grocery store. It had been almost a month since I had stepped foot into one of these. I had no money, but that wasn’t going to stop me.
I began to circulate around the store, putting a few little things into the pocket of my coat. I knew it wouldn’t make a difference. Since I ran away, I was living on what I could find. That wasn’t much.
My stomach rumbled again, and I pressed my forearm against it in hopes to shut it up. With a sigh, I turned to exit the grocery store, keeping my head down. I prayed that an alarm wouldn’t sound. I prayed that no body would catch me. I haven’t been caught yet. I don’t want to start now.

I was living in an alleyway, alone. It was cold and lonely, but better then where I came from. I still had the bruises, still had the nightmares of my stepfather doing what he did. I had been on the run for almost a year. I wasn’t about to go back. I reached behind the dumpster and pull out my old, worn out backpack and pulled out my dead cell phone.
As if I had willed it just thinking of my old home, I could hear the police sirens. I slung my bag over my shoulder and began to run. It made me looked even more guilty then I was. I had only stolen a pack of smarties and a chocolate bar. It wasn’t murder. My heart was racing. My feet hit the cement as I pushed myself to go faster and further.
“Sawyer.” It was my mothers voice from the intercom. It made me stop in my tracks. At once, I envisioned my mother, her soft, dark red hair a cloud around her pale face. I can see her huge brown eyes wide with unshed tears.
“Honey, please.” she said, “please come home. I’ve missed you.” I slowly walk towards the cop car, and my mom gets out of the car.
“Mom?” I asked. It was the first time I had spoken in a very long time. My voice was raspy and quite from no use. My eyes welled with tears. I did really love my mom. I just couldn’t stand the man she was with.
“Please, honey, come home with me. Michael and me had a talk. He won’t hurt you anymore.” My mother said quietly. I opened the door to the back of the car and threw my bag into the back.
“Fine.” I grumbled, “I will.”

Pretty cool. I liked it quite a bit, it was more original than most runaway stories I read. There were a few weird things about it though. Like, the cut in the middle, talking about her living in the alleyway, is kind of sudden. It makes me wonder at first if she is actually in the alleyway at this point or if she is just thinking about her past. The other couple things were when the character heard his mom talking on an intercom from the cop car. Is her mom a cop? I wasn't able to deduce that, but maybe she was. But, then again, maybe I'm missing the mark entirely. I could have just misunderstood what you were getting at. Besides that, the way that the character suddenly decides to go back with her mom without much inner-debate seems off, especially because he has been away from home for almost a year. Almost a year of time would make you really hardened in your cause, I would think.

“Mom?” I asked. It was the first time I had spoken in a very long time. My voice was raspy and quite from no use. My eyes welled with tears. I did really love my mom. I just couldn’t stand the man she was with.

Did you mean quiet?

Okay, well, that's all of the advice I have. Now for the rest, . That second sentence, "It bled normal." It was a really unique thing for somebody to think, if I were you I'd even make Sawyer describe more situations like that just because it's such an awesome phrase .

This was a well balanced story. It had some great things in it, and I liked the idea. So where is going to go? Is his step-father going to keep abusing him? Will he run away again? Keep writing!

Hey there

Hmm, interesting. This seems like quite an original take on the whole 'running away' idea and it definitely has potential. I'm not sure that it really is a prologue though. If you're planning to have the story carry on from here then it's a first chapter. If it's going to skip to some later date, or different but connected characters or something then it's a prologue.

There are a few grammatical errors:

“Your not fair.”

-you're

no body

-'nobody' is all one word

You also slip into present tense on quite a few occasions, so you might want to go through and check for that. This sentence is an example of that:

I reached behind the dumpster and pull out my old, worn out backpack and pulled out my dead cell phone.

Also, you've repeated 'pull' which is unnecessary and repetitive. Why not just say, "I reached behind the dumpster and pulled out my old, worn out backpack and dead cell phone".

I grumbled

Grumbled? This is a major life changing decision; the MC hasn't seen their mother in a year and they're grumbling like they've been asked to tidy their room or something. I really think you should try and give this moment more emotional impact.

Overall this is quite a good beginning but it could definitely be improved. You make it pretty obvious that the MC hated their home and didn't want to return - "It was cold and lonely, but better then where I came from." - and yet they agree almost straight away when their mum asks them to go back, which seems unrealistic to me. Maybe you could show more of the character's thought processes when going through this dilemma, or have them refuse and then relent after the mother keeps pleading or something, but right now it goes against what you've been building up throughout.

Also, you might want to explain better what's going on in the last part. It seems like you've cut from the stealing scene to showing some of the character's history, and then it becomes apparent that they've escaped, and then there are police cars coming after Michael. We never find out if this is because Michael was stealing (which seems unlikely. They wouldn't send police cars after a shoplifter, they would just send security guards) or because if someone recognised him as a missing person (and if this is so maybe you could have posters of him in the shop or something, because otherwise why would people recognise him?) or if his mum was in the shop and recognised him. Also, if he's in an alley it seems unlikely that the police would find him, seeing as it would take a while for them to be summoned and they would have no way of tracking the MC. And then the mum's voice comes from an intercom, the origin of which is never explained. I thought at first it was the shop intercom, but he's in an alley, so I assume it must be from the police car. If it is you might want to make this clearer though.

But anyway, I hope you write more of this and with some editing I think it could become an excellent prologue/first chapter.