Please critique honestly
Word count: 1264
Chapter 2
My first thought was that he must have been joking; either that or he's insane. He laughed, a harsh and unpleasant sound.
"You've realized by now that I can read your thoughts, so if you believe that something like that is possible, why can't immortality be too?"
Things like mind reading and immortality were things that I had never even thought about before, let alone believed in.
"So, what do you say?" He asked.
Of course, I had wanted to say yes right away, but I knew that nothing was that easy.
"What do I have to do?"
He laughed again.
"You're a smart child, aren't you? Most people would just have said yes right away."
I waited for him to answer my question.
"Like I said before, an acquaintance of mine thought that it would be entertaining to take a few pieces of my powers and scatter them into the human world. Even though I do retain the majority of my powers, I would still like for those other fragments to be retrieved."
I was confused, he was here in the human world now, so why couldn't he just go and find the pieces by himself if he's so powerful?
"I could of course go to retrieve these fragments myself, but where's the fun in that?"
He couldn't possibly be suggesting…
"So my offer to you is that if you would agree to play my game, and find all of the fragments for me, I will reward you with immortality."
To be able to live forever meant that I would have all of eternity to find happiness. Surely even I would be able to find happiness if I had forever? He watched, amused, as I tried to think of an response. This could be my last chance at life. As I tried to decide on my answer, I started to feel a strange dizziness, so I made a stupid mistake, and panicked.
"Yes, I accept, I'll do it."
"Well then, I'm surprised that a child as seemingly intelligent as you wouldn't ask about the method of obtaining the fragments first before agreeing. Perhaps I overestimated you?"
My vision was starting to blur.
"I don't care," I gasped "I'll do it!"
He sighed.
"Well, if you insist…" He responded in a mockery of an exasperated tone.
For a moment, his eyes glowed. To this day, the image of seeing Zephyr standing there in the dark, his eyes a haunting shade of red, still haunts me to this day. All of a sudden, I no longer felt weak and dizzy, in fact, I felt even better than I did on a normal day.
"Since I am such a nice… Person," He paused "I'll give you say, twenty years to finish collecting these pieces for me. There are, after all, thirteen pieces scattered all around the world."
I only had twenty years to find thirteen things that could be anywhere in the world?
"What do these pieces look like, do I just find them and bring them to you?"
"I was waiting for you to ask that." He responded. "My powers have been scattered into the souls of thirteen humans. The way that you will be able to identify them is by the fact that they will have abilities that are not of this world due to having my powers in their possession. Luckily, my acquaintance was only able to take pieces of my more harmless powers, so these people shouldn't be too dangerous."
The pieces were… People?
"Furthermore, these people will not be able to die by ordinary causes, such being shot or stabbed. Also, if any of them have children, the power will be passed onto the first child born after receiving the fragment."
"So, how do I collect the pieces?"
He seemed to chuckle before answering my question.
"Well, you kill them of course."
"Kill…"
The word 'horrified' wouldn't have even come close to describing my thoughts at that point in time.
"You… You want me to kill thirteen people?"
I instantly regretted panicking and not asking more questions like he had earlier suggested.
"Thirteen people... You want me to kill them…" I repeated, hoping that I had heard wrong. To my dismay, he nodded.
"I will also give you three lifelines, or wishes if you'd like to call them that. You can wish for anything, anything within reason that is. So for example, as asking for all thirteen people to suddenly die is out of question."
"Wait, but you said that these people can't be killed by normal means, so how do I kill them?" I said, as confidently and calmly as I possibly could. He seemed glad that I had finally accepted my task, and held out his empty hand.
I was about to ask what he was doing, when I saw something beginning to materialize in his outstretched hand. It started off as just a shadow, and then slowly started to take the shape of a dagger-like object. It glowed for a moment, reminding me of Zephyr's eyes. The light of the glowing blade shined onto his face, which I saw clearly for the first time. His skin was pale, his hair was a dark golden colour, and his features were what many people would consider 'beautiful'. It was the colour of his eyes that surprised me the most, they were just an ordinary shade of brown, and not red like I had expected them to be. With the light illuminating his face, he looked almost like an angel; although I knew that he was far from being one.
I reached out and took the dagger from him, accidently brushing my fingers against his palm. His skin was unnaturally cold, even for somebody who had been standing outside in the snow.
"This is a fairly common type of demonic blade, not very powerful but it will work fine for your purposes, and collect the fragments, taking away their invulnerability."
I looked at the weapon; it looked just like any other dagger, there was nothing special about it. I turned it over and saw that there were three words carved onto the other side, but I couldn't read them.
"In articulo mortis," He responded to my unasked question. "It means 'at the moment of death'".
I fiddled with the blade, not really knowing what to say or do. After a long silence, he continued his explanation.
"If you do not succeed in the twenty years that I have given you, your entire existence from the moment that you agreed to play my game will be erased."
"I… I don't think that I will be able to find all the pieces in that amount of time…"
He sighed, sounding annoyed. I shrunk back away from him, a little bit frightened.
"You understand that I have every right to refuse all of your requests since you've already agreed to play?"
I nodded.
"You want a longer amount of time?"
I hesitated before nodding again.
"Well, I have every intention of saying no, but well, I like you, so how about this, I will give you an extra five years for the first fragment you collect, four years for the second one and so on. Wouldn't want the game to go on for too long, then it won't be fun anymore."
To him, killing people was just a game? I didn't know what to think of him, somebody who had saved my life, but in exchange for thirteen others.
"Yes, thank you." I said softly.
"Now, how would you like to start the game?"
