I found this on my computer and remember writing it two summers ago. I thought I'd put it up here and just see what you all thought of it
Everyone could always tell when Ariel Brendan entered the school. She always had to burst open the doors, as if saying, “Look at me! Don’t you just want to be my friend?” She always wore a smile, even at 7:15 in the morning. While everyone else was dragging their feet and drinking their coffee, Ariel was busy greeting everyone in the hallways.
“Hello, there!” she would chirp in your face, always remembering to add your name, unless she didn’t know it. If she didn’t know your name, she learned it right away and never forgot it. That was only one of the amazing things about Ariel; she never forgot names, not even if she only spoke to you once.
As Ariel would continue down the hallways, she would often pop in on a few scattered conversations, squeezing her way in and nodding along, as if she had been there the whole time. She would often even throw in her own meaningless comments, like “I totally agree with you,” or “You know, you prove an interesting point.” It was always generic, and it always managed to get some sort of reaction. It was too hard to ignore. Some people thought it was funny; some thought it was just annoying. Ariel would do this for a minute or so, and then she would move on down the hall, greeting and commenting. Once again, when Ariel came to school in the morning, everyone knew. Most people who didn’t know her too well, however, hated her and thought she was just seeking attention. Those that knew her knew that she did just want attention, but they also knew a lot more about her, and let this fact slide. Some of these people even liked this fact about her. Some were like her and would sometimes mimic her morning rituals. These would never have the same effects on anyone, though, and everyone would brush away these efforts.
Ariel would continue making her way down the hall, eventually ending up in the drama hall, where she would immediately seek out her smaller, closer group of friends, all in the drama department with her. There was Kristin, a musical theatre type of girl; Jordan, a heavy metal actor, as Ariel called him (he listened to that music, for one, and he wore clothes covered in skulls and wore studded belts and chains); Matt, who was just a really good actor who mostly kept to himself in society, but opened way up around this group; Erin, who had a nose ring, lived with her grandmother and worked backstage for the most part; and Molly, Ariel’s best friend who lived in a trailer off the Interstate and really appreciated everything her friends took for granted, such as the fact that she could even be there acting with everyone. This morning they were all strewn about the theatre classroom; some were on the floor, some were in chairs, some were on the couch. Everyone was killing time before class started. Most of these kinds usually skipped class, but no one ever skipped this one. Why would anyone want to skip theatre?
“Hey, Ariel,” Matt said from the couch. At the moment, Kristin was lying on top of everyone across the couch, and three people were sitting under her. “Um, Kristin won’t get off…otherwise I’d offer you a place on the couch…”
“That’s cool, Matt.” Ariel said cheerily. “I wouldn’t want to deny Kristin the chance to sleep.”
On cue, Kristen turned over on the couch (and the three people under her) and snuggled down, getting as comfortable as can be done on a couch with three people under you. Ariel sat down at the foot of the couch and laid her head back against the armrest. She looked around at the dimly lit room that was completely covered in posters of plays the school had put on before. Some of the earlier ones Ariel hadn’t been in, but she really wished she had, like Little Shop of Horrors, or Twelfth Night. She really thought she could have done well with Shakespeare, especially. This year for their play they were in the middle of putting on a production of The Producers, which Ariel liked well enough, but it wasn’t really her style. She loved old-fashioned things, and what could be more old-fashioned than Shakespeare?
“Ok, kids, wake up,” came a loud, clear voice from the hallway, as Mr. Callahan, the drama teacher, walked brusquely into the room. He carried in his hand a briefcase, but everyone knew that instead of important documents in the briefcase, Mr. Callahan carried loose leaf papers and notebooks filled with stories and plays he had composed himself. He always tried to write a complete play and have the kids perform it, but he never managed to finish a whole play. He always got sidetracked or thought of an even better idea for a play, and then tried to write another one, and the whole thing would start again.
“Alright, I know we all really want to get started on our one acts, so everyone get in your groups and we’ll have you perform as you see fit.”
Ariel and her friends clustered together in the middle of the room, as everyone else in the classroom formed their own groups throughout the perimeter. Ariel, natural born leader she was, volunteered her group to perform first, despite all the nasty looks she received as a result from her friends. They got up to the makeshift stage on the far wall of the room and started to present their play.
Meanwhile, in the audience sat a boy Ariel barely knew, but who had been in her class since the beginning. His name was Casey, and he was a quiet, pensive boy who worked as a runner for all the school’s shows. No one in the class really knew who he was, and he didn’t mind that. He was just happy to coast through life as an observer. He looked up as Ariel began to recite her character’s monologue, and he started to feel the familiar feelings he always seemed to get whenever she went up on stage.
You have to understand that when Ariel went up on stage, she didn’t just get into the character: she WAS the character, body and soul. If she told you the sky was turning purple as she was reciting her monologue, everyone in the room would rush to the windows, she was that convincing. She radiated confidence and stage presence, and everyone in the class knew she was the best, by far. She could easily have a room filled with laughter or collapsed in tears within the course of a scene, depending on the play. Everyone in the entire school knew about Ariel and her acting, and there was always a big crowd for the school’s productions. The reason for this was obvious: Ariel was always in the performances, and almost always a leading role. Now, in her junior year, she was even more believable than she had ever been before. Each year she just got better and better, and when she was on stage, everyone loved her, no matter what.
Casey, however, not only loved Ariel because of her stage presence, though. He would see her in the halls with her friends, laughing and smiling at everyone she saw, and he believed she was one of the very few people in the entire school who actually knew his name. He wanted to be one of her closest friends, at least, but that would never happen, he knew. He of course actually wanted more than that, but he knew that just being one of her friends was a huge dream for him, and it would stay just that: a dream.
Casey reflected on all this as the other people in Ariel’s group, who were also good actors, but weren’t nearly as good as Ariel, helped move the one act along, until finally they bowed to a smattered applause from the rest of the class. The class was long used to Ariel’s talent, and this was only a class project, after all.
That's a bit overwhelming! You need to space your paragraphs, or else it makes your piece look sloppy and it turns off your readers. Space them out, and I'll see about coming back with a critque. 