I think it would be better if you worked the personal note about the "kick" into the main story. Show what happens to Ada next, like her getting her superpowers, and let us infer that the "kick" is what caused it. Or maybe have somebody explain to Ada what a "kick" is when she's wondering what in the world is happening to her.
Well, I could work in Ada's new powers, but only if I got rid of the note. I need some sort of extension though, to suit the boy. If you've read Decahero yet, you'd know a bit more about Jarson. He's going to be a peice of this huge puzzle I'm busy making up as I go along (with only a general idea where he'll end), and I think it was a good move to put him in here, a little ahead of time. Ada's powers and ever so slight going to peices trying to figure what heppened out will have to wait for next chapter... maybe even have her think Jarson shot something at her. Now that would be funny.
But I'm happy to see you wanted to know what's coming next. It means I'm becoming a better writer. Thanks!
You want to know how to be intelligent? Simple. Go buy a thesaurus. You're already smart, believe it or not. Now you just have to sound the part too.
