*sigh* More Kyle/Jon. And I'm glad that Kyle is starting to realize that he's losing Jon a little. I noticed that he was getting a little bad-boyish again. I hope that the old Kyle comes back, but you can never be too sure. Trent is nice though. I knew that Jon wouldn't really see anything in him, just someone to go to and that didn't even really help. I thought Kyle died! I was about to scream! I really want to know who shot at them AND why the house was on fire AND who those two bodies belonged to. Can't wait for the #10!
~Rieda
I love, love.
*This wonderful crit is brought to you by CCF!*
This is very good. I didn't have time to go back and read the other parts, so I assumed stuff in places. Characterization is excellent. And HI! from TW.
Break the boundaries, hunt the hunter, and leave me a tip.
----to kill or not to kill
I suppose I should have gotten upset and teary eyes when Kyle was found dead, but I didn't. and then when he was ok, I didn't really care. Perhaps it wasn't well written, I don't know. Them getting shot at feels kind of unbelievable. Again, it's like how scooby doo's gang always find the haunted house, always. Why is Jon getting shot at? Because it's Jon, and CMP, and Kyle, and blah blah blah.
Sadly, the sex humor didn't really save the chapter. You'll probably just say I was being "harsh" and then want me to read more but...what ever. It's a critique. Take the bad, and learn from it, yeah?
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.” ― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
No, to the contrary, the loss of Kyle was to feel very non-chalant--indeed...that was part of the whole work-up of the last eight chapters, no?
As for believability, I can't make you "believe" in the story, or the characters, even if I want to. That, after what they've been though, Jon gets shot at is "unbelievable" to you surprises me, in that I think what might be hard to believe is the reality constructed throughout all three stories, and not just these events. Fortunately, though, the story has successfully locked you into its mindset of paranoia, as neither the shots nor the explosion have been linked to CMP and yet you already think it and question its plausability.
