Young Writers Society

[temp. deleted - will be back soon]

I'm Ba~ck. This may or may not be a good thing

one moment I had been surrounded by caged animals and anticipating my upcoming drug fix, and the next I was back in the hospital, only it took a few moments for my memory to catch up with the rest of me.

Repetition of moment. But I like how the Doctor snaps right back to be his/her analytical self with the formal definite speech again.

I stop pacing to stare at him. ‘What, you think I’m still addicted?’

Methinks, remove the pacing? We already know what he's doing, do you don't need to tell us again ^^

I’m a hard worker, a doctor, straight up and clean, and certainly not a god damned fucking drug addict.

The swearing seems a little off. Doctors have to remain calm in all situations, because they have to face emergencies where they have to make split-second decisions and the like. I can understand the doctor wanting an answer, but not getting all emotional over it like this. I guess you could say that he would have been upset to see a memory like that, but even so... Hmm...

‘Doctor, what gender are you?’ the Messiah asks.

Gender sounds very PC. Like when questionnaires used to say 'Sex?' and smark-alecs would respond with 'Yes please'. Well that's what it reminds me of anyway. The question seems oddly phrased on the whole.

I shouldn’t be angry with him - he’s the Messiah and a dying patient - but I am. What the hell is wrong with him? First he forces me to face my disowned past and now he’s throwing stupid question at me.

Again, the whole 'Doctors have to be calm around patients to keep patients calm' thing. Also, this anger does seem very male? Or at least that's how it reads; I don't have many friend who would say 'god-dammned fucking' so *shrugs*

'Either you’re female,’ the Messiah deadpans, ‘or you have the most impressive set of man boobs I’ve ever seen.’

XD I have to admit, I giggles a bit at that.

Deadpans confused me a bit, I know what it's meant to mean, but it doesn't seem to stick.

‘If I’m female, but in the memory I was male … then I wasn’t me in the memory. So, the memory wasn’t mine?’

I will admit, my first thought was: Sex change!

the clear, healthy-sounding intonation is gone, instead his voice is raspy and his articulation hampered by the oxygen mask. I realise that, for the first time, the Messiah is actually speaking to me with his mouth. Before he must have - somehow planted the voice directly in my mind.

So that would explain why he could talk whilst on ventilation before

The news that the drug addicted idiot I had seen in the memory, that I had briefly been, was the Messiah is … hard to fully grasp.

I'm sure you're mean to capitalise after ellipses. I'm not too sure about putting a space in front of them either. I am going to investigate this later.

And it altered my genetics. My junk DNA, the inert rubbish that does nothing, was altered, and then it did something.

Everyone uses viruses, but then I always wonder, what are the chances that ye olde human immune system would be able to fight them off? Given that all viruses change the DNA of cells anyway, I'm wondering if it would make much of a difference anyway? I would much rather you just call it a pathogen and stick it under the umbrella of 'things that infect people' because if it was a virus I am sure it could be detected. Blood sample; microscope.

Ack! Ignore me; I've been revising for biology exams ><"

The on-sight doctors should be here any moment now.

Typo

The Messiah grasps my hand in his before I can do anything to help him myself. His clasp is weak but I don’t want to break it. ‘You’re the … new hope for humanity,’ he says.

My heart feels cold. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I’m sorry, doctor.’

It does sound just a little bit cheesy with the whole 'hope for humanity thing' and seeing as the Monkey gave him the virus by biting his finger, I was waiting for the Messiah to do the same to the Doctor, but it didn't happen. I assume that by what he said he was passing it on to her? I could be mistaken ><"

Overall, I really like this, Sureal =D the flash-back isn't too in-your-face, and I really wasn't expecting it to be the Messiah's memory, which was a nice surprise. I'd also read the Doctor as being a guy the whole way through, probably because you yourself are XD so that was a surprising twist as well. I deem this yummy and give it a thumbs up *does so*

Hope I've been useful; I do tend to ramble and lose my original point, so if I've said anything confusing just jab me and demand an explanation. And if you ever have any more sci-fi you'd like me to take a look at, just point me in the right direction because I'm hopeless at finding things myself. I only realised that this was here when you mentioned it in your blog XD

Well, I'm off now for some toast and perhaps a nap.

Toodles;

-fish!