Charlie and Logan- Chapter 5

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Ahoy y'all! I took a break for awhile from Charlie and Logan, but now I'm back. Hope you enjoy :)

The gray, drizzly Seattle sky was the complete opposite of my mood. I was moving all over the house, making sure that everything was in order for Logan's thirtieth birthday. My mother had my three month-old daughter, Addison in the kitchen and Lea was making sure everyone was in place for when Logan got home. Quickly, I finished strapping on my heels and I clicked into the kitchen. "How's she doing?" I asked my mother, taking my daughter in my arms. Already my beautiful daughter was looking like her father with his dark hair and eyes. She giggled as I tickled her. "She was being kind of cranky when I tried to get her to eat earlier."

My mother smiled and got up, straightening her calf-length skirt. She said, "She ate fine just now. And she's not in a bad mood either. She'll be just peachy when Logan gets home in a couple of minutes."

"Hear that, Addy?" I said with a big smile on my face. "Daddy's almost home!" I gave an excited gasp, making her look at me with wide eyes and a coo. "Let's go, Mom," I said, walking into the living room where the ton of people that Logan knew and worked with were gathered. Lea, her boyfriend Pablo, and my brother Stephen were all having the time of their lives talking with most of them. My brother in particular seemed to be cozying up to Logan's colleague, Dr. Rita. Dr. Rita was the woman who had done the emergency C-section when Addison was born and Stephen had lost his heart all those months ago. And the good doctor seemed to be enjoying his company as much as he was enjoying hers. After I had delivered Addison, it was a few weeks before we were able to get home. We then moved into a huge old house on a quiet street close to the hospital that Logan worked at. Logan filed for divorce with his wife, Lisa, but she disappeared without anyone knowing where she was, leaving us no option to get married. She still had not showed up and I wasn't exactly hoping she would. I had seen Lisa once in my life and I'd only seen her from afar. Her body was tall, lean, and built like a supermodel's. Her hair was the perfect shade of blonde and her eyes were a glittering blue-grey that pierced like ice.

If I ever saw her, I was sure that she'd want to come after me.

"Alright people!" I called out with Addison on my hip. "He should be home any minute. If you're not surprising, you don't get booze." There was a mock groan in the room and I laughed. Lea excused herself from her conversation to come over and take Addison from me. "Auntie Lea just can't seem to keep her hands off you, can she?" I cooed.

Lea just held Addison up in the air and laughed. "You're just so much more fun than your Mommy, you know that?" she told Addison, who just smiled down at her godmother. I put a birthday hat on Addison's head and laughed as she looked up at it with confusion.

People had quieted down now and we all heard the door to the garage open. "Char?" Logan called. I shushed the people in the living room, shut the lights off, and walked down the hall and into the kitchen where Logan was kicking off his shoes. His face brightened when he saw me and I went over to kiss him. He bent his head down and put his arms around my waist, pulling me close to his body. "Mmm," he said, burying his face in my neck. "Where's Addy?" he asked, letting his hands travel from my waist down to my thighs. He unbuttoned the buttons near the top of his shirt and I laughed.

"No," I said firmly, trying to hide a smile. "C'mon." I grabbed his hands and pulled him with me down the hall towards the living room.

"What's going on?" he laughed as we walked down the hallway and into the darkened living room. I popped the lights on and the swarms of 'Suprise's filled the room. Logan's face was completely suprised and broke out into a smile. Addison's face lit up when he walked into the room and she held out her arms, wanting her father. I laughed and he leaned down to kiss me again. "Thanks, Char," he whispered in my ear.

I sighed and he went forward to take Addison in his arms. "Hey," he said, kissing her forehead, trying to avoid knocking the hat off the top of her head. He began going around and thanking people while I sat back and watched him. Despite being happy looking, he also appeared to be tired. Even when he was tired though, he looked sexy. Logan's dark eyes met mine from across the room and he smiled at me lovingly.

Lea came up beside and put her hand on my shoulder. "You did good with this, babe," she said, leaning her head against me. "You did good."

"Thanks," I murmured. "And thank you for helping me put it together." I hugged her tightly. "Thank you for being with me through all this crap."

"You're very welcome," she said with a smile. We embraced again and we went to help pour the drinks.

***

"I'm going to go get some more ice," I said, rising from the floor where Logan, Addison, and I were huddled. Stephen and two of Logan's friends were passed out on the floor already and my mother and the rest of Logan's friends had already headed home. Lea and Pablo were sitting on the couch, sipping from a bottle of champagne.

Logan smiled and touched my calf. "Hurry back," he murmured. I leaned down and kissed him softly, then dashed off down the hall and into the kitchen. Opening the door to the garage, I flicked the light on and stepped onto the cold cement floor. The cold made me feel like I was walking on ice and I silently cursed myself for not bothering to throw my shoes back on.

When I was about to open the freezer, a voice called out, "Little bit cold of an evening for not wearing any shoes wouldn't you say...Charlotte?"

Startled, I backed up against the freezer. "Who's there?" I called out nervously. I heard rustling from the darkness.

"You didn't think I would miss my husband's birthday, did you?" From the shadows crept a tall, elegant woman clad in a skimpy red dress. Her cat-like features had an amused look on them and her platinum blonde hair was pulled into a twist. My saphire blue eyes met her ice blue ones. A shot of fear raced up my spine.

Lisa.

Apparently my expression made her laugh. "Don't look so afraid of me," she said, her voice layered thick with charm. I could sense a trace of poison too. "I hear you're not afraid of much. I'm certainly not very frightening." She sauntered forward and leaned against Logan's car, patting the spot beside her. "Come here. Let's have a little chat, shall we." I stood rooted to the ground. Her laugh came out as musically the second time as it had the first. "Suit yourself, my dear." Taking on a more serious look, she said, "Now, I want you to listen. You will pack up your things and you will leave here with no explanation why. You will leave Logan and you will leave Addison, who will be brought up as my daughter. You-"

Finally I found my voice. "You will never lay a finger on my daughter!" I cried, rushing towards her, ready to beat her to the ground. But Lisa was stronger and faster than me. She had her hands around my throat and my body up against the wall before I could blink. I struggled to claw at her hands, trying desperately to get some air.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you that it's rude to interrupt?" she asked, her voice staying infuriatingly calm. "Now, as I was saying, your daughter is going to be my daughter. You will never hear her call you 'Mommy'. That baby is supposed to be mine. Logan is mine!" Her voice was razor sharp and her nails were now digging trenches into my neck. With no other option, I brought my knee up into Lisa's chest and kicked her backwards into the car. She fell backwards with a crash and I made a run for the door.

"Grab her!" Lisa screeched. My hand almost reached the doorknob when two pairs of arms grabbed me from behind. I let out a cry of pain as one of them swiftly thrust their fist into my stomach, making buckle over. The two men that had me were carrying me out of the garage. From the door that led into the house appeared Logan and Lea, both of them looking confused. When they saw what was going on, both of them sprang out the door.

"Logan!" I screamed, still kicking at my captors. They reached the street where there was a sleek black car parked, throwing me inside the vehicle. Both of them and Lisa made it into the back, slamming the door shut.

"Drive!" one of the men shouted as the driver of the car sped away from the curb. I was able to get one last look out the back window at Logan running as fast as he could down the street. As we drove faster, his figure began to fade until we turned a corner and then I couldn't see him at all.

"Knock her out," Lisa commanded. Before I could start fighting again, a fierce blow was dealt to my head and I fell into a dark spiraling hole.

***

When my eyes opened again, a terrible throbbing pain was the first thing I felt. The second thing was that I was laying on a damp, freezing floor and the room was dimly lit.

"Hello Sunshine," Lisa said, kneeling down to look at me. I gazed up at her, unable to move. The bitch had kidnapped me! How crazy was she? "Glad to see that you're awake. I've got a little suprise for you." She snapped her fingers and an achingly familiar face entered the room.

"Asher?" I croaked.

Asher strolled into the room just as if he was coming into a class in high school. His handsome face was the same, his bloodshot eyes were the same, his smug expression was the same. However, he had cut off all his hair, leaving himself with a buzzcut. "Oh, hey Charlie!" he said brightly, kneeling down next to Lisa to smile wickedly at me. "How are you? A couple pounds lighter than when we last met, I see."

"Asher, what the hell are you doing with her?" I demanded. "She's crazy!"

He sighed. "Lisa here is my partner. We're working towards the same thing. Getting revenge." His eyes glowed when he said the word 'revenge'. "And she's going to let me have my way." He swiftly removed his shirt and began to unzip his pants. Lisa smirked at me and retreated to a corner.

As Asher got down on the ground, I backed away. "Asher, no! No, no, no! Please don't!"

"Oh, yes. I'm going to!" he responded, crawling over closer to me. He landed on top of me and I began to scream. Tears rolled down my face and I thrashed around, trying to escape from Asher's hands, which had found a way to remove my underwear.

Pain hit me and I screamed. "Stop! Please, Asher! Just stop!" His fist met my face and I knew that fighting would do me no good. In the corner, I heard Lisa giggle like a schoolgirl.
...or dear Bellatrix, who likes to play with her food before she eats it?
Fear makes the wolf seem bigger.
I got attacked by a swan.




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Luxy I'm about to scream at you. Why did you have to end there? Why? I need more MORE! If you dare take as long making the next chapter Ill slice you up and kill you. :)
I'm shaking Lux. I want to know what happenes next. Please. Oh wow. I cannot beleive how exciting this is getting.. I wish there was another chapter..


Anyway. I'll do my best to review for you. I'll work mostly on grammar and punctuation, your plot was friggin brilliant;


Spoiler
The gray, drizzly Seattle sky was the complete opposite of my mood.Nice way to start.I was moving all over the house, making sure that everything was in order for Logan's thirtieth birthday. My mother had my three month-old daughter, Addison in the kitchen and Lea was making sure everyone was in place for when Logan got home. Quickly, I finished strapping on my heels and I clicked into the kitchen. "How's she doing?" I asked my mother, taking my daughter in my arms. Already my beautiful daughterDaughter twice is a bit repitative. Try My darling little girl. It just flows better. was looking like her father with his dark hair and eyes. She giggled as I tickled her. "She was being kind of cranky when I tried to get her to eat earlier."

My mother smiled and got up, straightening her calf-length skirt. She said, "She ate fine just now. And she's not in a bad mood either. She'll be just peachy when Logan gets home in a couple of minutes."

"Hear that, Addy?" I said with a big smile on my face. "Daddy's almost home!" I gave an excited gasp, making her look at me with wide eyes and a coo. "Let's go, Mom," I said, walking into the living room where the ton of people that Logan knew and worked with were gathered. Lea, her boyfriend Pablo, and my brother Stephen were all having the time of their lives talking with most of them. My brother in particular seemed to be cozying up to Logan's colleague, Dr. Rita. Dr. RitaJust a slight typo here I guess. Only one Dr.Rita was the woman who had done the emergency C-section when Addison was born and Stephen had lost his heart all those months ago. And I dont think we need the And here. Its a bit out of place.the good doctor seemed to be enjoying his company as much as he was enjoying hers. After I had delivered Addison, it was a few weeks before we were able to get home. We then moved into a huge old house on a quiet street close to the hospital that Logan worked at. Logan filed for divorce with his wife, Lisa, but she disappeared without anyone knowing where she was, leaving us no option to get married.This doesn't make any sense. Do you mean they were married or Logan had no choice but stay married to Lisa? Re-phrase here so it's clearer. She still had not showed up and I wasn't exactly hoping she would. I had seen Lisa once in my life and I'd only seen her from afar. Her body was tall, lean, and built like a supermodel's. Her hair was the perfect shade of blonde and her eyes were a glittering blue-grey that pierced like ice.

If I ever saw her, I was sure that she'd want to come after me.I dont think this is needed. It gives away too much and shows you know to much about Lisa. I think it's a bit of a choppy line. Being really nit-picky here. :)

"Alright people!" I called out with Addison on my hip. "He should be home any minute. If you're not surprising, you don't get booze." There was a mock groan in the room and I laughed. Lea excused herself from her conversation to come over and take Addison from me. "Auntie Lea just can't seem to keep her hands off you, can she?" I cooed.

Lea just held Addison up in the air and laughed.The second laugh is too much. Cut it out completely or find another word that fits. "You're just so much more fun than your Mommy, you know that?" she told Addison, who just smiled down at her godmother. I put a birthday hat on Addison's head and laughedAgain. Laugh is used far too much in this paragraph. Try to chop and change. as she looked up at it with confusion.

People had quieted down now and we all heard the door to the garage open. "Char?" Logan called. I shushed the people in the living room, shut the lights off, and walked down the hall and into the kitchen where Logan was kicking off his shoes. His face brightened when he saw me and I went over to kiss him. He bent his head down and put his arms around my waist, pulling me close to his body. "Mmm," he said, burying his face in my neck. "Where's Addy?" he asked, letting his hands travel from my waist down to my thighs. He unbuttoned the buttons near the top of his shirt and I laughed. See what I mean. Its like we can't even breath before each Laugh

"No," I said firmly, trying to hide a smile. "C'mon." I grabbed his hands and pulled him with me down the hall towards the living room.

"What's going on?" he laughedLaughed? Again? Me is thinking -OBSESSION HERE!! as we walked down the hallway and into the darkened living room. I popped the lights on and the swarms of 'Suprise'sShould be another ' thing there. So like 'Surprises's' filled the room. Logan's face was completely suprisedThis is a little bit too repetitive. Try shocked or something. and broke out into a smile. Addison's face lit up when he walked into the room and she held out her arms, wanting her father. I laughedLaughed? Should I stop pointing this out by now? and he leaned down to kiss me again. "Thanks, Char," he whispered in my ear.

I sighed and he went forward to take Addison in his arms. "Hey," he said, kissing her forehead, trying to avoid knocking the hat off the top of her head. He began going around and thanking people while I sat back and watched him. Despite being happy looking, he also appeared to be tired. Even when he was tired though, he looked sexy. Logan's dark eyes met mine from across the room and he smiled at me lovingly.

Lea came up beside and put her hand on my shoulder. "You did good with this, babe," she said, leaning her head against me. "You did good."

"Thanks," I murmured. "And thank you for helping me put it together." I hugged her tightly. "Thank you for being with me through all this crap."

"You're very welcome," she said with a smile. We embraced again and we went to help pour the drinks.

***

"I'm going to go get some more ice," I said, rising from the floor where Logan, Addison, and I were huddled. Stephen and two of Logan's friends were passed out on the floor already and my mother and the rest of Logan's friends had already headed home. Lea and Pablo were sitting on the couch, sipping from a bottle of champagne.

Logan smiled and touched my calf. "Hurry back," he murmured. I leaned down and kissed him softly, then dashed off down the hall and into the kitchen. Opening the door to the garage, I flicked the light on and stepped onto the cold cement floor. The cold made me feel like I was walking on ice and I silently cursed myself for not bothering to throw my shoes back on.

When I was about to open the freezer, a voice called out, "Little bit cold of an evening for not wearing any shoes wouldn't you say...Charlotte?"

Startled, I backed up against the freezer. "Who's there?" I called out nervously. I heard rustling from the darkness.

"You didn't think I would miss my husband's birthday, did you?" From the shadows crept a tall, elegant woman clad in a skimpy red dress. Her cat-like features had an amused look on them and her platinum blonde hair was pulled into a twist. My saphire blue eyes met her ice blue ones. A shot of fear raced up my spine.

Lisa.

Apparently my expression made her laugh. "Don't look so afraid of me," she said, her voiceComma here. layered thick with charm. I could sense a trace of poison too. "I hear you're not afraid of much. I'm certainly not very frightening." She sauntered forward and leaned against Logan's car, patting the spot beside her. "Come here. Let's have a little chat, shall we." I stood rooted to the ground. Her laugh came out as musically the second time as it had the first. "Suit yourself, my dear." Taking on a more serious look, she said, "Now, I want you to listen. You will pack up your things and you will leave here with no explanation why. You will leave Logan and you will leave Addison, who will be brought up as my daughter. You-"

Finally I found my voice. "You will never lay a finger on my daughter!" I cried, rushing towards her, ready to beat her to the ground. But Lisa was stronger and faster than me. She had her hands around my throat and my body up against the wall before I could blink. I struggled to claw at her hands, trying desperately to get some air.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you that it's rude to interrupt?" she asked, her voice staying infuriatingly calm. "Now, as I was saying, your daughter is going to be my daughter. You will never hear her call you 'Mommy'. That baby is supposed to be mine. Logan is mine!" Her voice was razor sharp and her nails were now digging trenches into my neck. With no other option, I brought my knee up into Lisa's chest and kicked her backwards into the car. She fell backwards with a crash and I made a run for the door.

"Grab her!" Lisa screeched. My hand almost reached the doorknob when two pairs of arms grabbed me from behind. I let out a cry of pain as one of them swiftly thrust their fist into my stomach, makingMaking [i]me]/i] buckle over this should be. buckle over. The two men that had me were carrying me out of the garage. From the door that led into the house appeared Logan and Lea, both of them looking confused. When they saw what was going on, both of them sprang out the door.

"Logan!" I screamed, still kicking at my captors. They reached the street where there was a sleek black car parked, throwing me inside the vehicle. Both of them and Lisa made it into the back, slamming the door shut.

"Drive!" one of the men shouted as the driver of the car sped away from the curb. I was able to get one last look out the back window at Logan running as fast as he could down the street. As we drove faster, his figure began to fade until we turned a corner and then I couldn't see him at all.

"Knock her out," Lisa commanded. Before I could start fighting again, a fierce blow was dealt to my head and I fell into a dark spiraling hole.

***

When my eyes opened again, a terrible throbbing pain was the first thing I felt. The second thing was that I was laying on a damp, freezing floor and the room was dimly lit.

"Hello Sunshine," Lisa said, kneeling down to look at me. I gazed up at her, unable to move. The bitch had kidnapped me! How crazy was she? "Glad to see that you're awake. I've got a little suprise for you." She snapped her fingers and an achingly familiar face entered the room.

"Asher?" I croaked.

Asher strolled into the room just as if he was coming into a class in high school. His handsome face was the same, his bloodshot eyes were the same, his smug expression was the same. The second use of same is slightly irriatating here even though I no it is on purpose. I know you meant it to come out smooth but I dont think it works. Its a bit butchered if that makes any sense :)However, he had cut off all his hair, leaving himself with a buzzcut. "Oh, hey Charlie!" he said brightly, kneeling down next to Lisa to smile wickedly at me. "How are you? A couple pounds lighter than when we last met, I see."

"Asher, what the hell are you doing with her?" I demanded. "She's crazy!"

He sighed. "Lisa here is my partner. We're working towards the same thing. Getting revenge." His eyes glowed when he said the word 'revenge'. "And she's going to let me have my way." He swiftly removed his shirt and began to unzip his pants. Lisa smirked at me and retreated to a corner.

As Asher got down on the ground, I backed away. "Asher, no! No, no, no! Please don't!"

"Oh, yes. I'm going to!" he responded, crawling over closer to me. He landed on top of me and I began to scream. Tears rolled down my face and I thrashed around, trying to escape from Asher's hands, which had found a way to remove my underwear.

Pain hit me and I screamed. "Stop! Please, Asher! Just stop!" His fist met my face and I knew that fighting would do me no good. In the corner, I heard Lisa giggle like a schoolgirl.



Overall, as you figured, I am extatic about this chapter. I seriously want you to start right now on the next chapter. You have a serous imagination. I had no idea this would happen. Your a genius. I thoroughly enjoyed this. To the fullest.

Your imagery wasn't as strong as it normally is but I didn't mind. It was because you didnt use as many flowery, descriptive details which in a way I liked. I was more focused on the plot and the pace. Sometimes its nice to keep it simple.

Your description was good. As I said before it wasn't anything skillful or anything but there was enough to get your through. Your main problem was repetition. Everywhere I looked there was 'Laugh'. Thats mainly a minor clich but still. These are the things proof readin and editing can fix. Sometimes as writers we don't see little things like that. Thats why I am here to help you. :)
Sometimes its good to go online and find a thesauraus, it can help you find interesting words that mean the same things as the boring words but solves your repetition problem. I do it all the time. Plus it makes you sound really inteligent with an amazing vocab. :)

Your pace was excellent. Everything was timed perfectly and it seemed to flow off the page. I thoroughly enjoyed every minute. The mix up with Asher is the perfect twist. Maybe she'll get pregnant with his baby next? I just wish I knew the ending. I so badly want to know. Yes Luxy your writing is that good. It's like a proper book that you should see in stores. I want more more more!

I will be waiting very impatiently for your next chapter, YOU HAVE LESS THEN A WEEK TO FINSIH YOU HEAR?
I am joking but please don't take too long. Don't put my through that agony.

Great job. Another stunning piece. Another satisfied reader.

Waiting,
Kaka xox
Got YWS?

If, when you mean to type yes you type yws, you know you belong. :P




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Points 7340
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Luxy I'm about to scream at you. Why did you have to end there? Why? I need more MORE! If you dare take as long making the next chapter Ill slice you up and kill you. :)
I'm shaking Lux. I want to know what happenes next. Please. Oh wow. I cannot beleive how exciting this is getting.. I wish there was another chapter..


Anyway. I'll do my best to review for you. I'll work mostly on grammar and punctuation, your plot was friggin brilliant;


Spoiler
The gray, drizzly Seattle sky was the complete opposite of my mood.Nice way to start.I was moving all over the house, making sure that everything was in order for Logan's thirtieth birthday. My mother had my three month-old daughter, Addison in the kitchen and Lea was making sure everyone was in place for when Logan got home. Quickly, I finished strapping on my heels and I clicked into the kitchen. "How's she doing?" I asked my mother, taking my daughter in my arms. Already my beautiful daughterDaughter twice is a bit repitative. Try My darling little girl. It just flows better. was looking like her father with his dark hair and eyes. She giggled as I tickled her. "She was being kind of cranky when I tried to get her to eat earlier."

My mother smiled and got up, straightening her calf-length skirt. She said, "She ate fine just now. And she's not in a bad mood either. She'll be just peachy when Logan gets home in a couple of minutes."

"Hear that, Addy?" I said with a big smile on my face. "Daddy's almost home!" I gave an excited gasp, making her look at me with wide eyes and a coo. "Let's go, Mom," I said, walking into the living room where the ton of people that Logan knew and worked with were gathered. Lea, her boyfriend Pablo, and my brother Stephen were all having the time of their lives talking with most of them. My brother in particular seemed to be cozying up to Logan's colleague, Dr. Rita. Dr. RitaJust a slight typo here I guess. Only one Dr.Rita was the woman who had done the emergency C-section when Addison was born and Stephen had lost his heart all those months ago. And I dont think we need the And here. Its a bit out of place.the good doctor seemed to be enjoying his company as much as he was enjoying hers. After I had delivered Addison, it was a few weeks before we were able to get home. We then moved into a huge old house on a quiet street close to the hospital that Logan worked at. Logan filed for divorce with his wife, Lisa, but she disappeared without anyone knowing where she was, leaving us no option to get married.This doesn't make any sense. Do you mean they were married or Logan had no choice but stay married to Lisa? Re-phrase here so it's clearer. She still had not showed up and I wasn't exactly hoping she would. I had seen Lisa once in my life and I'd only seen her from afar. Her body was tall, lean, and built like a supermodel's. Her hair was the perfect shade of blonde and her eyes were a glittering blue-grey that pierced like ice.

If I ever saw her, I was sure that she'd want to come after me.I dont think this is needed. It gives away too much and shows you know to much about Lisa. I think it's a bit of a choppy line. Being really nit-picky here. :)

"Alright people!" I called out with Addison on my hip. "He should be home any minute. If you're not surprising, you don't get booze." There was a mock groan in the room and I laughed. Lea excused herself from her conversation to come over and take Addison from me. "Auntie Lea just can't seem to keep her hands off you, can she?" I cooed.

Lea just held Addison up in the air and laughed.The second laugh is too much. Cut it out completely or find another word that fits. "You're just so much more fun than your Mommy, you know that?" she told Addison, who just smiled down at her godmother. I put a birthday hat on Addison's head and laughedAgain. Laugh is used far too much in this paragraph. Try to chop and change. as she looked up at it with confusion.

People had quieted down now and we all heard the door to the garage open. "Char?" Logan called. I shushed the people in the living room, shut the lights off, and walked down the hall and into the kitchen where Logan was kicking off his shoes. His face brightened when he saw me and I went over to kiss him. He bent his head down and put his arms around my waist, pulling me close to his body. "Mmm," he said, burying his face in my neck. "Where's Addy?" he asked, letting his hands travel from my waist down to my thighs. He unbuttoned the buttons near the top of his shirt and I laughed. See what I mean. Its like we can't even breath before each Laugh

"No," I said firmly, trying to hide a smile. "C'mon." I grabbed his hands and pulled him with me down the hall towards the living room.

"What's going on?" he laughedLaughed? Again? Me is thinking -OBSESSION HERE!! as we walked down the hallway and into the darkened living room. I popped the lights on and the swarms of 'Suprise'sShould be another ' thing there. So like 'Surprises's' filled the room. Logan's face was completely suprisedThis is a little bit too repetitive. Try shocked or something. and broke out into a smile. Addison's face lit up when he walked into the room and she held out her arms, wanting her father. I laughedLaughed? Should I stop pointing this out by now? and he leaned down to kiss me again. "Thanks, Char," he whispered in my ear.

I sighed and he went forward to take Addison in his arms. "Hey," he said, kissing her forehead, trying to avoid knocking the hat off the top of her head. He began going around and thanking people while I sat back and watched him. Despite being happy looking, he also appeared to be tired. Even when he was tired though, he looked sexy. Logan's dark eyes met mine from across the room and he smiled at me lovingly.

Lea came up beside and put her hand on my shoulder. "You did good with this, babe," she said, leaning her head against me. "You did good."

"Thanks," I murmured. "And thank you for helping me put it together." I hugged her tightly. "Thank you for being with me through all this crap."

"You're very welcome," she said with a smile. We embraced again and we went to help pour the drinks.

***

"I'm going to go get some more ice," I said, rising from the floor where Logan, Addison, and I were huddled. Stephen and two of Logan's friends were passed out on the floor already and my mother and the rest of Logan's friends had already headed home. Lea and Pablo were sitting on the couch, sipping from a bottle of champagne.

Logan smiled and touched my calf. "Hurry back," he murmured. I leaned down and kissed him softly, then dashed off down the hall and into the kitchen. Opening the door to the garage, I flicked the light on and stepped onto the cold cement floor. The cold made me feel like I was walking on ice and I silently cursed myself for not bothering to throw my shoes back on.

When I was about to open the freezer, a voice called out, "Little bit cold of an evening for not wearing any shoes wouldn't you say...Charlotte?"

Startled, I backed up against the freezer. "Who's there?" I called out nervously. I heard rustling from the darkness.

"You didn't think I would miss my husband's birthday, did you?" From the shadows crept a tall, elegant woman clad in a skimpy red dress. Her cat-like features had an amused look on them and her platinum blonde hair was pulled into a twist. My saphire blue eyes met her ice blue ones. A shot of fear raced up my spine.

Lisa.

Apparently my expression made her laugh. "Don't look so afraid of me," she said, her voiceComma here. layered thick with charm. I could sense a trace of poison too. "I hear you're not afraid of much. I'm certainly not very frightening." She sauntered forward and leaned against Logan's car, patting the spot beside her. "Come here. Let's have a little chat, shall we." I stood rooted to the ground. Her laugh came out as musically the second time as it had the first. "Suit yourself, my dear." Taking on a more serious look, she said, "Now, I want you to listen. You will pack up your things and you will leave here with no explanation why. You will leave Logan and you will leave Addison, who will be brought up as my daughter. You-"

Finally I found my voice. "You will never lay a finger on my daughter!" I cried, rushing towards her, ready to beat her to the ground. But Lisa was stronger and faster than me. She had her hands around my throat and my body up against the wall before I could blink. I struggled to claw at her hands, trying desperately to get some air.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you that it's rude to interrupt?" she asked, her voice staying infuriatingly calm. "Now, as I was saying, your daughter is going to be my daughter. You will never hear her call you 'Mommy'. That baby is supposed to be mine. Logan is mine!" Her voice was razor sharp and her nails were now digging trenches into my neck. With no other option, I brought my knee up into Lisa's chest and kicked her backwards into the car. She fell backwards with a crash and I made a run for the door.

"Grab her!" Lisa screeched. My hand almost reached the doorknob when two pairs of arms grabbed me from behind. I let out a cry of pain as one of them swiftly thrust their fist into my stomach, makingMaking [i]me]/i] buckle over this should be. buckle over. The two men that had me were carrying me out of the garage. From the door that led into the house appeared Logan and Lea, both of them looking confused. When they saw what was going on, both of them sprang out the door.

"Logan!" I screamed, still kicking at my captors. They reached the street where there was a sleek black car parked, throwing me inside the vehicle. Both of them and Lisa made it into the back, slamming the door shut.

"Drive!" one of the men shouted as the driver of the car sped away from the curb. I was able to get one last look out the back window at Logan running as fast as he could down the street. As we drove faster, his figure began to fade until we turned a corner and then I couldn't see him at all.

"Knock her out," Lisa commanded. Before I could start fighting again, a fierce blow was dealt to my head and I fell into a dark spiraling hole.

***

When my eyes opened again, a terrible throbbing pain was the first thing I felt. The second thing was that I was laying on a damp, freezing floor and the room was dimly lit.

"Hello Sunshine," Lisa said, kneeling down to look at me. I gazed up at her, unable to move. The bitch had kidnapped me! How crazy was she? "Glad to see that you're awake. I've got a little suprise for you." She snapped her fingers and an achingly familiar face entered the room.

"Asher?" I croaked.

Asher strolled into the room just as if he was coming into a class in high school. His handsome face was the same, his bloodshot eyes were the same, his smug expression was the same. The second use of same is slightly irriatating here even though I no it is on purpose. I know you meant it to come out smooth but I dont think it works. Its a bit butchered if that makes any sense :)However, he had cut off all his hair, leaving himself with a buzzcut. "Oh, hey Charlie!" he said brightly, kneeling down next to Lisa to smile wickedly at me. "How are you? A couple pounds lighter than when we last met, I see."

"Asher, what the hell are you doing with her?" I demanded. "She's crazy!"

He sighed. "Lisa here is my partner. We're working towards the same thing. Getting revenge." His eyes glowed when he said the word 'revenge'. "And she's going to let me have my way." He swiftly removed his shirt and began to unzip his pants. Lisa smirked at me and retreated to a corner.

As Asher got down on the ground, I backed away. "Asher, no! No, no, no! Please don't!"

"Oh, yes. I'm going to!" he responded, crawling over closer to me. He landed on top of me and I began to scream. Tears rolled down my face and I thrashed around, trying to escape from Asher's hands, which had found a way to remove my underwear.

Pain hit me and I screamed. "Stop! Please, Asher! Just stop!" His fist met my face and I knew that fighting would do me no good. In the corner, I heard Lisa giggle like a schoolgirl.



Overall, as you figured, I am extatic about this chapter. I seriously want you to start right now on the next chapter. You have a serous imagination. I had no idea this would happen. Your a genius. I thoroughly enjoyed this. To the fullest.

Your imagery wasn't as strong as it normally is but I didn't mind. It was because you didnt use as many flowery, descriptive details which in a way I liked. I was more focused on the plot and the pace. Sometimes its nice to keep it simple.

Your description was good. As I said before it wasn't anything skillful or anything but there was enough to get your through. Your main problem was repetition. Everywhere I looked there was 'Laugh'. Thats mainly a minor clich but still. These are the things proof readin and editing can fix. Sometimes as writers we don't see little things like that. Thats why I am here to help you. :)
Sometimes its good to go online and find a thesauraus, it can help you find interesting words that mean the same things as the boring words but solves your repetition problem. I do it all the time. Plus it makes you sound really inteligent with an amazing vocab. :)

Your pace was excellent. Everything was timed perfectly and it seemed to flow off the page. I thoroughly enjoyed every minute. The mix up with Asher is the perfect twist. Maybe she'll get pregnant with his baby next? I just wish I knew the ending. I so badly want to know. Yes Luxy your writing is that good. It's like a proper book that you should see in stores. I want more more more!

I will be waiting very impatiently for your next chapter, YOU HAVE LESS THEN A WEEK TO FINSIH YOU HEAR?
I am joking but please don't take too long. Don't put my through that agony.

Great job. Another stunning piece. Another satisfied reader.

Waiting,
Kaka xox
Got YWS?

If, when you mean to type yes you type yws, you know you belong. :P




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Luxe, my heart is beating so fast right now!!! I can't even review you right now! Post chapter six right this very moment young lady!!! Post...post...post...POST!!!

Why haven't you posted yet!?!?!?!?!?!?
Live, Love, Laugh




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YAY!!! Total round of applause! I'm loving the twists you put in this story! To think a few months ago it was just a short story!!!

I HATE where you stopped it though!!! D: You are killing me with suspense (but I love it) This is well written, I like how you brought Lisa back into the picture a bit --- she needs to be killed by the way-- and I think you are really getting down how to describe things! This whole thing makes a movie roll in my head, i love it!
Keep in mind the story line, from here on out, I think it would be less confusing to do things in order in which you want them, that way if people read this, they can read it through with out getting lost.

But all things aside, you have me on the edge of my seat!!!!
KEEP THINGS ROLLING!! You are doing a wonderful job-- the story line is keeping people (and me) interested, and with each chapter, we learn something new, because you put in a new twist!

Keep this up! I love your writing.

---Ash
And just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she turned into a beautiful butterfly.




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Hello there. :)

A few nitpicks for you. ;)
My brother in particular seemed to be cozying up to Logan's colleague, Dr. Rita. She was the woman who had done the emergency C-section when Addison was born and Stephen had lost his heart all those months ago.

The repetition of Dr. Rita here was a little bit too much for me.
He unbuttoned the buttons near the top of his shirt and I laughed.

I have some suggestions for this. Chuckled, giggled, chortled... It's not words we use every day, but they are beautiful words that mean the same thing. When I see I use a word more then two times in a row in less then a few pages, I try to go on Microsoft Word to find synonyms. When you write the word, then right click and click on synonyms, there's a ton there. Just a little trick. ;)
Lea and Pablo were sitting on the couch, sipping from a bottle of champagne.

Sipping from a bottle, or from a glass? Just want to make sure.

Like everyone said before me... This is pretty good. :) I love it, and I want to know the rest! I have a little question though... Who's Asher? Her ex? I feel very stupid for asking you this. Does he get introduced in the first two chapter? Because if so I haven't read them because they are not under your novel. Or maybe I'm just blind and don't see them? Anyways, I'm just saying. ;)

Keep it up! And tell me when the next chapter is on.

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
Need a reviewer? I don't bite, I promise. :) ---> viewtopic.php?f=188&t=76466




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Hey Lux!

I really enjoyed this except of Charlie and Logan, it had its fill of excitement and mystery. There were just a couple things that I really didn't get, like for one when Charlie is confronted by Lisa, if it had been me I think I might have called for Logan, but you never really know. Also on that note, I really don't get how Asher and Lisa connect, I mean I understand that they both want revenge, but from Asher's point of view I find it just a little petty. I completely understand Lisa's POV because hey if my boyfriend/husband had ever cheated on me I would totally kick his butt.
Other than that, I thought that this was very promising and I cannot wait to read more!
Keep up the awesome job!
Addawen
The heart wants, the body needs, and the mind suffers. - me




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Ohh my god! You have me sitting on the edge of my seat rigt now. I can't wait or the bext chapter. I love the twist that you added even though it is sad. You truely are an mazing writer and have a really good gift. I don't know where you got the ydea foe your story but its good. Keep up the good work and keep writing. :D
Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead :o <3



It's unsettling to know how little separates each of us from another life altogether.
— Wes Moore, The Other Wes Moore