“I know well what I am fleeing from but not what I am in search of.” ~Michel de Montaigne
~~~
I held the cup and looked at the tall doctor next to me. He had the clipboard over his face, blocking my view. I pointed a thumb at him and mouthed to Olivia, ‘Doctor Price?’
She gave me a nod but there was something in her eyes that made me tilt a head.
“I should leave,” he muttered. He kept his face hidden. I lifted a brow as I watched him exit the door in haste.
“Here,” I said, lifting the glass to Olivia’s hands. She took a sip and concentrated on the folds in the white sheets. “Well, he’s a little weird, no?”
“That…that was him, Liliah,” she said.
“Who?” I asked with a laugh. I fluffed her pillow and peeked at her.
“Liliah, Dr. Price is Luke, it was him,” she answered frantically. “He changed his last name…he told me not to say anything but-”
The rest of Olivia’s words were mixed with the loud monotone beep that ran through my head. Quickly, I turned around.
It was Luke? Was it him?
“Are you sure?” My tongue slid in between my teeth.
“Yeah,” she answered with a quick nod. “I swear it was him, he looks almost the same and he even admitted it.”
I didn’t know what to think, my entire head was numb as I slowly made my way to the door. Thundering beats pumped through my chest as the possibility that Luke was, could, be right here. So close. I pushed the door open, only then finding my senses. If Olivia was telling the truth…then I didn’t have time to waste. On the other side of the hall, Chase was waiting with his hands fixing the collar of his shirt.
“He went that way, Liliah. Catch him,” he said, pointing to the left.
I blinked, realizing that this wasn’t a dream. Luke’s here, right here and I had to get him. Quickly, I spun and began jogging through the hall. My eyes frantically searched right and left for him. If we met, would I get the chance to see his smile? Would he frown, what if he yelled at me. I hated it when he yelled at me.
“Lucas!” His name felt like hot water in my mouth, scorching its way up my esophagus and burning my tongue. Yet I called to him again. “Lucas, stop!”
He was ahead of me and turned his head just a fraction until his eye caught mine and then continued forward, his steps quicker and longer than mine.
Those eyes, how many times did he look at me with them? How many emotions did they hold in a single glance? He suddenly grabbed hold of Blair, the doctor I met before and whispered something in her ear.
My heart was aching, yearning to hear that whisper. Words seem to magically have more meaning when they came from Lucas. I remembered all the times he lectured me, washed away my pain with just a simple sentence.
With a nod she stood in the center of the hall, looking at me sideways with her eyes narrowed. As soon as I was about to run past her, my fingers reaching out for Luke’s back, she blocked my path with a strong arm.
“Let me go!” I snarled, trying to free the hold she had around my waist. The other patients in the hall snapped their attention to me.
“I’m sorry but you can’t run in the halls!” She hissed in my ear. “Hospital rules.”
“Let me go!” I screamed. Finally breaking free of her hold, I elbowed her side. There was feeling inside of my gut that if I didn’t catch Luke now, I’d lose him forever.
“Wait,” Blair cried while reaching for my shoulder but I moved away and continued down the hall.
I wasn’t thinking. I had gone completely mad. Luke was in the elevator, pressing the buttons hysterically. His eyes widened as he noticed me making way towards him. The elevator doors began to close and just when he thought he’d get out for good, I lodged my foot between the doors, separating them.
My breaths came out rapidly and my heart continued to drum inside my chest. My eyes roamed his face. Luke’s eyes were the same as ever, deep and shady. The dark hair was just as messy; he never cared much about it anyway. His lips were pressed tight and he took a step back.
“Luke,” I said. Without knowing it, I reached a hand out and he winced as I touched his chest. The smooth fabric of the shirt sent a chill through my fingers and up my spine. He was real…it was really him. I dropped my hand, clenching it at my side.
“Liliah,” he said in a calm voice. His hands rose up, defensively. Yes, that should be the proper gesture since I did feel like punching him square in the face for running from me.
Casually, I took a step in and let the doors shut behind me, closing us in together. We were silent as the lift soon began to rise and I knew that once those doors opened, he’d bolt out and run again like the chicken he’d become. What was he so afraid of anyway? Oh yes, me. A smile placed itself over my stern lips.
“What? Did you really find it necessary to have to run from me? Geez, Luke, do you think I’m an animal?” I snapped.
“Well…” He cracked a smile. He actually had the decency to give me that little smirk. He put his hands down and lounged back on the elevator walls. “You were chasing me like a lion, Liliah. Actually, I was quite afraid that you’d rip me limb to limb with that snarl on your face.”
I gritted my teeth and crossed my arms. “Let’s not talk about that, why not talk about us?”
“I don’t think I’m the mood to talk about us inside of an elevator nor do I have to the time to waste right now, Liliah. I have to work, if you don’t mind.”
I felt a boulder being dumped into the pit of my stomach as he said those words. He didn’t have time for me? Was he kidding? “Seriously, Luke…we need to talk.”
“I think we shouldn’t.”
“Why?”
“It’s better that way.” He massaged the space between his eyes with a sigh. “Let’s not make things complicated, okay?”
I felt my voice rise. “Complicated? You’re the one who made things complicated when you decided to ditch your family and never give us a call or even write a pathetic letter. Do you have any” – I was losing myself –“Any idea how much pain you put Mom and me in? Do you have any idea how much we worried about you every day? Did you think taking away your physical presence would erase the imprint you left on us? Did you think it was that easy, Luke?” The hot tears were soaking my eyes and my vision blurred but I couldn’t help myself from dishing out everything that I held in. “You’re a bastard,” I whispered.
He was quite stunned with my verbal attack and took a second to compose himself. “Well…I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong guy. I don’t have a family, never did and never will have. Family is bullshit.”
The doors opened and he pushed past me, knocking my shoulder and walked out into the busy hallway. I gulped, knowing that I’d really upset him but I knew better now than to be angry with myself or even blame it on myself. I was always the girl who put others first and it was about time I thought about me, and what he did to me wasn’t right.
I bit my lip as the doors closed behind me. Yet, why did I feel so wrong? I knew I said some mean things, I rejected him but that was no reason to leave…
I didn’t go back to see Olivia or Chase. It would take tremendous strength to get myself to talk about Luke and right now there was a burning ache inside my head that cried for some Tylenol. Resting my head against the bench outside the hospital, I closed my eyelids and tried to push all thoughts out and leave my mind blank. The icy air gave me that slight numbing sensation which I wanted to feel inside my chest.
That peace didn’t last long for a car’s loud blaring rap music shocked me awake. A chubby looking guy came out of a black sedan. He walked around the curb and leaned back on the car. The February wind was vicious as it reddened his cheeks in an instant. From his pocket, he pulled out a tattered phone and punched in a number.
“Hey man, I got your car. You coming down?” He spoke very loudly over the hissing wind. “Luke, I can’t wait down here forever, I have to get home to Sarah before she breaks my CDs.” He paused. “Yes dude, she threatened me. What? No, I’m not going to break up with her, she’s everything I have. Hah-ha, you’re so funny. Shut up and get down here.” He snapped his phone off and began making his way to the hospital door but I got up and stopped him.
“Excuse me; are you one of Luke’s friends?”
He lifted an eyebrow and looked around then back at me. “Uh…yeah…who are you?” he asked. His breath smelled like onions.
“I’m a friend of his.” I struggled to form a correct way to state what I wanted to say. “Um, I know this sounds weird but I don’t have his number and I really, really need to speak to him. My mom is sick and I thought I’d get him to check her out for me, you know? But we’ve been unable to contact each other for some time and I went in but he’s busy with other things and…well, I just can’t reach him.” I made the most adorable puppy eyes I could ever make and hinted a fraction of a smile. Of course, this melted any suspicion in the male’s head.
A goofy smile showed on his lips as he pulled out his cell phone again. “Yeah, yeah no problem!” He began to read me the numbers and I hastily punched them into my cell phone. “By the way,” he said. “What’s your name?
“Oh, I’m Liliah,” I answered. “Thanks for the number!” I patted his shoulder, only then noticing some sort of fearful frown playing over his eyes.
~~~
I was home, in my room and underneath my cozy covers with my phone’s screen flicking in front of me.
“Are you waiting for someone?” Jesse asked as he joined me, snuggling in while putting his hand over my waist. “Who is it?”
“Luke.”
He flinched. “Luke? You’re adopted brother? Did you meet him? When?” The questions poured out as he stood up slightly, making a grunting noise.
“Today…he was Olivia’s Doctor and we met coincidentally.”
“What did he say?” Jesse asked.
“Nothing that made me happy, that’s for sure. I didn’t expect him to apologize either, you know,” I said. “I got this number from his friend and I don’t know if I should contact him or not… He said that it was easier if we didn’t talk, that it’d make things less complicated. Maybe he’s right.” I set the phone down and huffed. “If I let it go then we wouldn’t have to deal with this mess and I know it’s only going to make us all hurt more. I don’t want that.”
Jesse leaned in and kissed my forehead. His fingers brushed through my hair and I felt his breath on my neck as he kissed my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me. “Think about it this way, sweetheart. You can’t keep running from your problems and he can’t keep running either. You’ll just keep pushing yourself and one day, you’ll run out of breath and by that time…you’ll be lost.” He massaged the back of my neck as if I were a kitten. “Call him and get it over with. Solve the problem because I don’t it hanging on your mind.” He tapped my head with two fingers. “Okay?”
I smiled, thanking god that I had Jesse with me. He had a gift for helping me make up my mind.
“Okay.” My finger pushed the button and I held the phone to my ear. The ring lasted only a few seconds before he picked up.
“Hello?” Luke’s voice rang through the other line. “Who is this?”
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