The Inch - The Full Story - Chapter 5

6 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 9616
Reviews 263
The Inch

Chapter 5 – Secrecies

It had been a year after and I still wasn’t able to ask Elina about what I heard – the most extravagant marriage to ever happen here in Eaglescliffe. That’s if it was actually to be held here. I was 16 and she was 15 already…Time began to run out.

“A fascinating tree, isn’t it?” Elina asked cheerfully, looking at a tree which leaves were tinted with periwinkle.

“Yes,” I answered softly. “It is as fascinating as you are…”

Then, the wind blew as if it was waiting for the coming of temporal silence. There we were, seated still, upon the hill behind the Chancellights’ mansion. Elina grew and looked as lovely as ever, while I remained rustic, even for myself. I had been fortunate enough that Elina’s father accepted me as her friend three years ago.
Suddenly, Elina broke the silence as she seemed to begin to comprehend what I just said.

“Huh…what?” she asked after an excessively long pause.

I cleared my throat, “…I said…it’s fascinating that a tree could grow blue leaves…” I ended my inarticulate sentence with a smile.

“Oh!” exclaimed Elina right after I spoke. “Well, actually…my mother ordered our servants to shower its leaves with powdered blue dye because they become pale during the summer.”

“Whoah,” I uttered before I ended up in a chuckle, and Elina chuckled with me.

“You know…” we spoke in unison, and smiled. She was holding the tip of her blonde hair with her right hand.

“Ok, you first!” she finally said.

“Uh,” I stammered as my heart started to panic.

“I,” – I just can’t say it! – I admitted to myself.

“Yes?” Elina anticipated. “What is it?”

“I…” – love you – I kept stammering, “I-I just can’t describe how lovely you are, Elina…”

“Oh, come on!” she yelled in both appreciation and disappointment.

“Well…that’s it…” I murmured, “Not…now, I guess.”

“So…anyway,” she spoke. The wind blew her hair and a number of blue leaves fell from the tree.

“Uh…how am I supposed to tell you this?” I heard her whisper to herself.

“My parents have be— be—” She began stammering too. “Let’s take a walk…” she suddenly offered. That was just out of the blue.

Nevertheless, I knew. I knew about that betrothal her father told her behind that door. I knew for I have been eavesdropping (and if I did that with His Majesty, I could have been in prison right now, or possibly dead. Not quite a convenient habit, is it?).

- - - ♥ - - -


After a minute of walking away from the magical blue-leaved tree, talking of unimportant matters, we had seated on a wooden swing in the Chancellights’ garden. Vines prowl the stylish arc the swing was hung from. It was as if they were also eavesdropping, just like me and my stupid little ears a year ago.
The garden wasn’t so far away from the tree, and so our upcoming conversation. I began-

“So…what was that you were telling me?” I asked as if I didn’t know.

“Oh!” she exclaimed. She seemed caught off-guard. Our eyes then met each other, and it seemed like they were locked for the moment. I wasn’t sure if I was already seeing a sign of anxiety in her face.

“Haniel,” she called gently. It seemed weird. She rarely calls me by my name. I was used to her suddenly popping up and talking with me. That time, I knew she needed the conversation to be serious.

“Haniel, I-” she repeated my name. “I…”

She inhaled heavily for a second. Then, she suddenly burst it into tears.

“What’s wrong?” I worriedly asked as soon as she wept.

“I’m betrothed, Haniel! That’s what is wrong!” she screamed in front of my face.

“I know…” I uttered in a whisper as I looked away for a second. A tear flowed from my eye and I was unconscious of which eye it flowed from. Elina looked at me and gasped as I spoke.

“How?” she breathed.

“It doesn’t matter,” my voice was shaking. I tried to make my voice sincere and powerful, but it seemed that I failed in doing so.

I held her shoulders in both of my hands and called but it was without much power, “Elina!” I locked my eyes with hers and finally spoke with as much strength as I could muster- “Elina, I love you!”

I finally admitted. My heart was beating faster than ever, but I didn’t look away. I needed to be strong.

“I love you,” I repeated. “And I care about you!”

She looked shocked, like she didn’t know what to do next.

“I don’t care if you’re betrothed or not – We could just escape!”

“No, Haniel!” she answered. “My father would kill you…the both of us!”

“Why would he also kill you?” I asked, totally wondering. “You’re his daughter!”

“But, this betrothal…is more important to him!” she uttered without much comfort in her expression.

“How come?” I asked in total wonder.

She looked down and didn’t answer, and we were caught in momentary silence.

“Look,” I said, cutting the silence. “Do you love me too?”

I shyly asked but with strength. It was so bold of me to ask her that question. But, I guess, I really needed to know the answer before it got too far.

The wind splashed on our faces like a wave devouring the seashore. Elina was still looking down.

“…Yes,” she whispered, but the volume was enough for me to hear.

Yes,” the word echoed itself inside my emptied hall of thoughts.

The words we just said will surely change the rest of our lives. I will surely miss the times we hang out together just as friends. There is no way I could return them now, now that I - I mean, we finally admitted. I had no idea what to do next and I guess she had no idea either.
Last edited by Caerulean on Sat Apr 30, 2011 2:36 pm, edited 8 times in total.
“(...) and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” - Gandalf, The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 9616
Reviews 263
Why is this in the Romantic Novels? This story ends soon lol. Anyway, guys, I need your reviews, please! :D
“(...) and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” - Gandalf, The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 471
Reviews 532
:shock: THIS ROCKS!! I want chapter 6 or I'm going to make a strike :x ... JOKE! Keep it one!! :smt003
Noob is a state of being, not a length of time. ~Ego

"Serás del tamaño de tus pensamientos; no te permitas fracasar."




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 9616
Reviews 263
You've read the previous chapters already?? xD Thanks! I'll try writing Chapter 6 as early as I can. School comes close here >.<.

UPDATE: Oh! So you read the previous chapters! Thank you very much! You inspired me to write the next chapter! I never had this inspiration in a very long time! :D xD
Last edited by Caerulean on Wed Sep 15, 2010 4:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
“(...) and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” - Gandalf, The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 13389
Reviews 260
Salutations, Whisperer! Sorry for the delay, I had kind of a rough week with work and stuff, and didn’t have a lot of time to stop by YWS. But that will change now! At least for a couple days. XD

Another really nice chapter of The Inch. I’m interested to see that it feels like the conflict is coming to a head, and the next chapter is going to finish everything off—I really want to know what will happen to the characters by the story’s end. I’m really curious about the fact that Elina seems to think that her father will regard the matter of the betrothal so far over his daughter’s happiness, and that Elina seems in despair of improving things at all. Seeing such a bright and cheerful character in such despair is definitely affecting, and I think knowing Elina’s cheerfulness, it really shows what a struggle this is for her. More on that later, though. XD

One thing I really, really like about this story is the genuinely gentle, dreamlike atmosphere of each chapter. I don’t know
if it’s the general sweetness of all the interactions of Elina and Haniel, or the beautiful (yet not overwhelming) descriptions of the scenery around them, but it’s really a joy to read. The atmosphere is just really graceful and flowing, the overall tone of the story is so gentle and sweet. The little dreamlike touches like the color of the leaves really help create that impression. I’m normally not a big fan of romance stories, but the overall tone of this one is just so earnest and gentle that I can’t help but like it.

I still really love the two main characters. Haniel usually seems really genuine and kind, and his relationship with Elina is so cute. Elina herself is absolutely adorable, yet at the same time this chapter gave her character some depth. I’m really glad that this chapter shows some of Elina’s struggle with her arranged marriage as well as Haniel’s—showing that she is upset and having trouble with the situation just as much as he is is a great way to give her character some more strength and development, it makes her seem much more real.

Also, I really like how Haniel struggles with his inability to be strong and confident for Elina in this chapter. I think his trouble with his own perceived inferiority is a really likable and relatable trait for a character, and I think it’s very believable for a person in his situation. After all, according to everything you hear from society, he’s supposed to be the strong one in this situation, he’s supposed to be able to “rescue” her, and yet, in reality, that’s something he just can’t do at this point. He’s having to face down the reality of that weakness, and I think that’s a really realistic trait in a character and one that makes him more well-rounded and whole.

My only question is the fact that Haniel mentions that Elina’s marriage is one of the most anticipated events in the area—I find it hard to believe that, if such a big deal were being made over it, Haniel would never get the chance to mention it to her in all this time. It’s not like he would be concerned about admitting to eavesdropping—if it’s being discussed so much, it would be almost surprising that he hadn’t heard it. I feel like maybe we should be given some reason as to why Haniel wouldn’t ever confront the matter of her betrothal—maybe he didn’t want to mess up the status quo of the relationship between them, maybe he thought he could never be good enough for her because of their class differences, anything. Either way, I think it would offer some insight into his character.

A couple of quick nitpicks before I go:

looking at a tree which leaves were tinted with periwinkle.

For some reason, “which” doesn’t sound right here at all. I can’t figure out why. My mind wants it to say “whose” for some reason, or maybe “that’s.

The garden wasn’t so far away from the tree, so as our upcoming conversation.

The “so as” lost me utterly. XD

Elina stopped emoting when I spoke.

I’m not sure “emoting” was the right word to use here. I, at least, connect emoting with acting, which gives me the feeling from this sentence that Elina’s emotions aren’t sincere—I doubt that was the intention.

Otherwise, this was a lovely chapter, and I’m looking forward to reading the final one and finding out about Haniel and Elina’s eventual fate. See you there!
"The world is not beautiful, therefore, it is." --Kino's Journey

Hey, how about a free review?




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 44887
Reviews 816
Whisper!
Alright, I feel sad that your story is coming to an end and I think I might shed a tear or two. :(
I have just a few things to point out on this one and we'll be through :)

“Yes,” I answered gently.

Okay, I've noticed you extensively use the word 'Gently'. Find an online thesaurus or something and try to varying up your sentences by using some different words that describe almost the same action.

But, I guess, I really needed to know the answer before it gets too far.

Before it 'got' too far. Correct? Past tense, I think you just slipped there for a second.

The wind smashed our faces.

I would use another word instead of smashed. It sounds too violent. In my opinion anyway...

Overall, I think this chapter was emotional and quite sad. I can't believe she has to get married to that weird guy, I know nothing about! Argh >:[
Anyway, I liked the ending of this one, I mean they both have just admitted their feeling and now have no idea what to do. I'm wondering what will happen next. Ah! It's the final chapter, It's exciting to see how this is going to turn out in the end.
Till next time,

~Pink
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-W. Somerset Maugham



“I am not worried, Harry," said Dumbledore, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing water. "I am with you.”
— Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince