This started out as an idea for a novel. At this point, however, I don't really know where I want to go with it. I know it is really long, forgive me, I combined all three chapters. I also know that it's a little sloppy, I haven't written anything in years. Other than that, be honest and tell me what you think. - Em
Bluffing
1.
Mark and I met in a sex shop. As you would imagine, that is a little embarrassing to tell most people, so if you had asked anyone else they would have said, “Mark and Sarah, they met in a coffee shop.” It may be common to the point of being cliché, but it is a lie that has never been questioned. However, this is the truth, and the truth is that I was looking to buy a vibrator to satisfy my needs while my fiancé was away. Mark was in there just to browse, at least that’s what he told the salesperson when she asked if she could help. She didn’t ask me anything, I guess she just found the tall man with the brown hair attractive, the same way I did. Mark though, he did ask me something.
“How are ya?”
His Irish accent startled me, I guess when you’ve lived in a small town all your life, you would only expect a ginger to speak that way, but it only made him more attractive.
“I’m fine, and yourself?”
“I’ve been reduced to buying toys for sex. I’m not that well, obviously.”
“Oh, um, well, me too, I guess…” I chuckled nervously.
I hated him for making it awkward, I mean, as if shopping for a vibrator wasn’t awkward enough at it was. I continued to browse and finally picked up one that I thought would do the trick; The Rabbit, a purple one. I guess the main reason I picked that one was because I had seen it on an episode of Sex and the City once.
“Nice Choice” Mark said as I walked away. My eyebrows knitted together, and I shook my head as I felt my cheeks begin to blaze a tomato-y red.
He was sitting on the front steps of a shiny, new apartment building, down a ways from the shop when I walked out the door. I felt the sudden urge to turn and walk the other way when I saw him, but I had only been living in Toronto for three weeks, and still wasn’t used to getting around in such a large city. Unfortunately, to my left was the only route I knew back to my apartment. My plan was simple, just walk briskly and avoid eye contact.
“Hey.”
It is impossible to avoid eye contact if someone speaks to you, and I had no plan for this. I couldn’t just ignore him, or could I? I gave it my best shot and kept walking. I was barely past the bench when I saw the black wool of his pea coat in the corner of my eye. Looking at the ground, his slip-on Vans were moving in perfect step with my own. I smiled at our similar taste in sneakers, and then remembered that I did not enjoy his company. Regardless, I clearly could no longer ignore him. I sighed, not elaborately, but loud enough for him to hear, “Hi.”
“I knew ya heard me.”
“Yes, I did.”
“Tryin’ to ignore me are ya?”
“Yes well, I failed, didn’t I?”
“Yes you did, ma’am.”
I stopped, looked at him with one eyebrow arched.
“Ma’am? I’m nineteen, not fifty.”
I turned again and continued to walk.
“Well I’m sorry, but I don’t know your name, and I’m trying to be polite.”
I snickered.
“What?”
“You just don’t seem like the polite type.”
“Is that so? Well then Miss, may I please ask your name?”
“Sarah.”
“You only have one name?”
“I knew the polite act couldn’t last long, Sarah Green.”
“Mark Cunningham, nice to meet you.”
“Mhm.”
“Well Sarah Green, how would you like to sleep with me tonight?”
Obviously, I stopped abruptly, a look of utter surprise on my face. I hardly even knew what to say. I wondered if this was normal behavior, strange men just simply asking to have sex with you? I hoped he didn’t think I was a prostitute, I certainly didn’t think I looked like one.
“Um…no thank you.”
I wouldn’t dare look at him, and I began to walk again, this time a little faster.
I started to get nervous and think of all the what-if’s. He could be a stalker, he could be a serial killer… I shouldn’t go back to the apartment, where do I go? I had only made a couple friends from work, and I didn’t know where any of them lived. I heard him catching up to me and picked up my pace again, first into a jog, then a slow run, and when he was still following me I began to run like a maniac. I rushed into a modern-looking diner called “Stuffed,” and out of breath I began to tell the waitress about the man, the Irish man with the brown hair,
“He wants to fuck me!” I yelled.
Just then he walked in the door, laughing.
“Well you are quite beautiful. But look, all you had to do was say no.”
He took a step further.
“Don’t you dare come any closer!”
“Sarah, listen. I didn’t mean any harm. I saw you in the sex shop and I thought you were very pretty. I assumed that since you were buying a vibrator-“
“We are in public! I would appreciate it if you left out those details!”
He lips turned up and he chuckled, not even the slightest attempt to hold it back.
“Well I thought you might be a little high and dry when it comes to your sex life,
and I will admit mine sure isn’t the best at the moment.”
“I can see why! If this is how you try and meet women, let me tell you, you’re going about it all wrong.”
“I’ve tried dating, okay? But I’m not really looking for a relationship, just a…”
“A fuck buddy?!”
“Yes! Exactly! And I thought that a sex shop would be the perfect place to find
one, but I guess I was wrong.”
“Well I don’t know if you are or not, but I am engaged.”
“Didn’t ya say you were nineteen?”
“Yes, what does that have to do with it?”
“Isn’t that a little young to be engaged?”
At this point the waitress, who was at least mildly entertained, lost interest and
turned away to wipe down the counter. The few patrons as well, began to go back to their meals. I took a seat on a blue, vinyl bar stool with chrome legs, and Mark followed my lead.
“We’ve been together since I was fifteen, we’re in love. It’s legal, and we plan
to be married next year. I’m sorry if you have a problem with it.”
“No problem, you just don’t see that often these days.”
The waitress came back over.
“Can I get you anything?”
She had large breasts and her cleavage was showing slightly in her white collared shirt, with four buttons left open. I would have normally looked at her face, but I had followed Mark’s gaze.
“I’ll have a coffee.” I replied.
“Make that two.”
We sat in silence for a while, then he asked what I knew was inevitably on his
mind.
“So, if you have a fiancé, why are you buying a vibrator? Is the poor wank lousy
in bed?”
“No, actually he is amazing in bed, but he is away this semester. He is a cultural geographer and he’s doing a case study for his masters, on the Zulu tribe in South Africa.”
“Sounds like a smart lad then.”
“He is.”
The waitress brought our coffees in black mugs, as well as some cream and sugar packets in a small blue and white, polka-dotted dish.
“Also sounds like he is a bit older than you.”
“ Five years.”
“So when you were fifteen, he must have been in his third year of college.”
“Yes.”
“And how did your parents feel about that.”
“They were actually the exact same ages when they starting dating, so they were
very supportive.”
“Lucky.”
“It was.”
“What in the bloody hell did a twenty year old college guy want with a fifteen
year old?”
I rolled my eyes, “We grew up together, our parents are best friends. I had a
crush on him since I was ten, and at fifteen, I was finally grown up enough to get his
attention. Besides, I was very mature for my age.”
He laughed, “I bet you were.”
“I was!”
“Well, what about you? What’s the story behind your terrible sex life?”
“Now that’s a long story.”
“I can make this coffee last, besides, you owe me something for scaring the shit
out of me.”
He grinned, “That is true,” took a sip of coffee, smacked his lips, cleared his
throat, turned to me, and said “her name was Emma. We met at a party in my first year of
college and started dating. I fell in love, she didn’t. Apparently she kept me around
because I was great in bed.” At this he smirked and raised his eyebrows at me. I rolled my
eyes and slapped his arm, but I couldn’t help but smile. I was beginning to notice that
same attractiveness that I found in the sex shop.
“And?”
“And I was a sucker, I stayed with the girl, even thought I was aware of her
frequent affairs, tending to her every need, hoping that one day she would realize she
felt that same.”
“That day never came?”
“Right on.”
“So what did you do?”
“Well, after three years my dad said to me “Mark, you know, I just don’t know what
you see in the Emma. She’s a pretty girl I guess, but have you ever noticed how much
shorter her legs are than her torso? She’s out of proportion, boy.” And that was it, I
took notice the next time I saw her and he was right! As shallow as it was, that just made
me lose all interest. I broke it off with her, she obviously didn’t care too much, and
finished my degree. Now I’m here, doing my internship, and since Emma, I’ve had twenty-
seven dates, all of which were complete disasters. Then I realized, I don’t want a
relationship, I want a fuck buddy. I’m not going to go around falling in love with women
all over the place, when a woman falls in love with me, that’s when I’ll be ready to
settle down.”
“How do you expect a woman to fall in love with you if you’re not dating them?”
“You can fall in love with a fuck buddy, you know.”
At that, I had to laugh.
“You said you’re an intern? Where? What did you get your degree in?”
“I’m working with Codesta now, I have a degree in computer science.”
“Oh, well that sounds interesting, I guess.”
“It is to me.”
“Well that’s good, you’re doing something you like.”
` “What about you? Are you in college or anything?”
“No, I’m not really sure what I want to do yet. I really want to write, but
everyone tells me that should be a side-career.”
“What are you on about? You could be just an author if you wanted.”
“I don’t know, I mean, I feel like I should have some kind of education, like
maybe an English degree or something.”
“Not if you’re talented enough.”
“I guess so.”
“Are you writing anything now?”
“I’m working on a novel, I have a compilation of short stories, and a couple of
children’s books.”
“Wow, that’s impressive. Ever been published?”
“A couple of times. Just for like short story contests, or poetry contests, and an
article once.”
“Well then it sounds like you’re on your way to becoming an author, Sarah.”
“I’m trying.”
By now, I felt very relaxed with Mark, and I felt like I could have stayed there
all night talked to him. But I wanted to get home in time for supper, and when I looked at
my watch it was already 4:30pm.
Since I moved to Toronto, I hadn’t really met many people, besides a couple of girls at
work, and I was pretty lonely. I wanted to invite Mark to my place for supper, but after
what he had earlier asked, I wasn’t sure if he’d get the wrong idea. Instead I said, “Well
Mark, it actually was nice meeting you, even after that fiasco earlier, but I really
should get going.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure.”
I left a five dollar bill on the counter for my coffee and a tip. I walked out of
the diner, and tried to orientate myself. I soon realized I had just ran straight past my
apartment building, and was probably just a few blocks down. I began walking back when I
felt a pinch on my arm. I turned and was not surprised to see Mark’s face. He was smiling
and I noticed now how perfectly straight his teeth were.
“Did you ever have braces?”
“Well, I was going to ask you if I could walk you home, but yes, I did.”
“Me too, and you can.”
I started walking again, and even though I know I could have talked the entire
way, I kept silent, because I felt something in my stomach. Something I knew I would have
trouble resisting.
2.
We were at the grey, cement front steps of my apartment building in ten minutes,
and I fought the urge to walk right on past again, just to spend more time with Mark. I
kept telling myself that I wasn’t actually feeling anything romantically, I’ve just been
lonelier than I had thought these past few weeks. It took a lot of will-power, but I
stopped and spoke the first words since he’d asked to walk me home, I was impressed with
his ability to make complete silence more than bearable, “This is where I live.”
“Okay.”
“Um, do you want to exchange cell numbers or something?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
We passed each other our cell phones, his was an old flip phone, familiar in my
hands because it was the same as Stephan’s. I quickly added my number as he complimented
my sleek, new release from LG.
“Thanks, I just got it just before I moved.”
“And when was that?”
“Three weeks ago.”
“Oh, is that all? Why did you move here?”
“Inspiration. I grew up in a small town, Rocky Harbour, Newfoundland. You’ve
probably never heard of it, but anyways, it’s just hard to be a writer in a place like
that. I needed to experience more.”
“That makes sense.”
“Yeah. Well, I should head up and get supper started.”
“Okay then. I’ll text you sometime.”
“You do that.”
He smiled and began to walk away. I didn’t head up and start supper, instead I
stood there and watched him. I knew he knew I was staring, and then my cell phone
vibrated. It was a text message from “The Sexy Irish Man.” I giggled and opened the
message – “Your eyes are soon going to burn a hole in my back. Go make your supper.”
At that point I had lost all will power and replied with – “Only if you’ll join me.”
I didn’t have to wait for a reply, I watched him take him cell phone out of his
pocket, read the message, and turn around, smiling. He kept walking at a casual pace
towards me, keeping perfect eye contact through squinted, laughing eyes. My stomach felt
like the tiny, clear, plastic container with the magnifying glass on the top cover that I
had when I was a child, full of butterflies. Finally he was in front of me again, standing
on the same grey, concrete step.
“I’d love to.”
“Follow me.”
We headed up to Apartment number 121 in complete silence again. I didn’t
understand how I could have become so comfortable around a strange man in such a short
period of time, but I was completely relaxed. Though I knew virtually nothing about Mark,
I felt like I had known him my entire life.
As soon as I turned the key in the lock, I remembered how messy the apartment
actually was. I still had a few boxes lying around, I didn’t do my breakfast dishes, or
make my bed. So I decided to go with it, just pretend like you’re one of those girls who
doesn’t care about having your place perfectly tidy for company, I thought. I pushed open
the door and walked into the tiny one bedroom with the light olive walls.
“Nice apartment,” Mark said as he moved towards the navy blue leather couch.
“Thank you.” I said, then dropped the careless act and added, “I’m sorry it’s so
messy, but I just haven-“
“Don’t worry about it, you should see my place.”
I smiled, comforted by the fact that he seemed to genuinely not care.
“I don’t know if I want to in that case.”
“You probably don’t then.”
I smiled and walked towards the kitchen. Luckily the apartment had a very open
feel, and I could see and hear Mark clearly from the stove.
“I was going to make spaghetti, you okay with that?”
“Definitely.”
“Do you like peppers, tomatoes, mushrooms, and onions?”
“I like everything.”
“Okay then.”
I finished chopping the onion, and had put it into the pan when I noticed the
couch was empty.
“Mark?”
“Yeah?”
It sounded like he had ventured into my bedroom, I suddenly got nervous and at the
same time very aggravated. I kind of regretted inviting him in if he was going to be like
a toddler, wandering into places he knows he shouldn’t be. I walked firmly into my
bedroom, but he wasn’t there. He must be in the bathroom, I thought. I knocked on the
door.
“You in there?”
“Sure am. Why, did you need help?”
“No, I was just wondering where you went.”
“Just had to pee, sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“You’re on birth control?”
“Are you looking through my medicine cabinet?”
“Yes.”
“I’d like it if you stopped.”
“Don’t be so uptight, I know you do it too.”
“I do not.”
“Yes, you do.”
“No I – Okay, fine, I do.”
“Know how I can tell?”
“How?”
He opened the door and poked his head out.
“You keep your’s tidy, and you don’t put anything too embarrassing in there, just
things that people would expect to find. Like, let’s say hypothetically, you have genital
warts-“
“Ew! I do not have gential warts!”
“I said hypothetically, calm down! If you did, and you had some a prescription for
that, you wouldn’t put it in this medicine cabinet. You’d put it somewhere where no one
would look, like your underwear drawer.”
“I don’t have anything embarrassing in my underwear drawer either.”
“Yeah right.”
“I swear.”
He stepped out of the bathroom, “You swear?”
“Yes, I do.”
Then he pushed past me and bolted into the bedroom, locking the door behind him.
“Mark! Mark! You open that door right now! Do not, I repeat, do not, look in my
underwear drawer!”
“I see lace!”
“Mark! Stop! Please! This isn’t fair. Come out!”
“Letters from a Stephen Oliver, is that your fiancé?”
“Yes, now stop!”
“Now this is interesting.”
“Fuck.”
“For lonely nights, get in bed with this. I already wish I could be there. Love,
Stephen. What is on this CD?”
“I don’t know, I’ve never watched it.”
“Liar.”
I heard my computer start up, and began banging on the door.
“Mark! Stop it right now! That is not yours!”
I continued to bang, and he was completely silent. Finally, I stopped, slid down
against the door so I was sitting on the floor, facing the bathroom. I waited for what was
about to come out of his mouth, I could only imagine what he would say.
“This is a fucking compilation of home sex tapes! You’re kinky! And fucking hot!”
“Yes it is, and now that you have completely invaded my privacy, can you please
come out?”
“Okay.”
I heard him unlock the door and leaned forward so that I wouldn’t fall back when
he opened it. He stepped over me and walked back into the living room. I sat there
listening to the familiar moans and gasps coming from the computer speakers. I was
completely humiliated, and I didn’t know how I could face him again. I figured I should
probably have been out there yelling at him, he was a terrible guest. But in the back of
my head, the thought that I kept trying to push away was that it was hilarious, and I love
how openly nosey and honest he is. Eventually I stood up, wiped the back of my jeans and
crept out to the main living space. I poked my head around the corner and Mark was
actually over the stove boiling noodles and frying meat, onions, peppers, and mushrooms
together.
“Hey.”
“Hello.”
“You didn’t have to continue making supper you know. I plan on kicking you out in
a few seconds for what you just did.”
“Sarah, I was just kidding around.”
“Yeah, well it was really embarrassing for me.”
“You thought it was hilarious.”
I didn’t understand how he could know me so well. But I couldn’t hold back my
laughter. I began to giggle, and then laugh harder and harder. I don’t know when his
laughter joined with mine, but by the time we were finished I could hardly stand from
stomach pains and I had tears rolling down my cheeks.
“Okay, it was funny.”
“You shouldn’t be at all embarrassed by the way.”
“If you say so.”
I joined him behind the island, added some spices, and started pouring in the
ingredients of the sauce.
“Should I set the table?” he asked.
“Sure. I’m sure you can find everything, you’re pretty good at poking through
other people’s things.”
His eyes glared at me, but the huge smile on his lips told me he was kidding. I
was right though, he found everything easily and set the table perfectly, something I was
pretty impressed with. Stephen was terrible with setting tables, he always put the forks
on the wrong side, and never centered anything. I put the spaghetti on our plates and
brought them over to the round, two-person, dark wood dining table. Mark was already
seated and had poured us both wine. I laughed at that.
“What?”
“Wine?”
“So?”
“I’m not sleeping with you.”
“I’m not trying to get you to. I just saw it in the cupboard and I assumed you
were one of those people who drinks wine with their supper.”
“I’m not usually.”
“Well then I guess tonight is a special occasion.”
“I guess it is.”
We both began to eat and he complimented my cooking a number of times. I always
replied with, “You helped,” but it actually felt very nice to be complimented by him. When
he had finished, he waited for me and then picked up both of our plates and brought them
over to the sink to wash.
“You don’t have to do the dishes.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Well I’m not going to argue.”
He laughed and did them all while I tidied the apartment a little behind his back.
The entire time I kept thinking about how strange of a man he was. He could be so rude one
second, then turn around to be a complete gentleman. He made me laugh so much, and it
seemed so effortless. He also seemed smart, and I suddenly wanted to know so much more
about him. But I didn’t want him to take it the wrong way if I asked him to stay longer,
though I had to admit that I couldn’t get over how sexy he was. I knew that if there
wasn’t Stephen, I would have been all over him.
Mark finished the dishes and sat down at the dining table again.
“Thanks,” I said.
“No problem. You cooked, I clean.”
I took the seat across from him, and I could tell he didn’t want to leave. He
could definitely tell I didn’t want him too as well. We sat in silence for a while and I
finally asked,
“Did you want to stay? We could watch a movie or something.”
“I’m not sleeping with you.”
I laughed, “Shut up.”
“Okay, what do you have?”
“Lots, take a look, they’re on the shelf, I need to run to the bathroom for a
second.”
I walked into the bathroom, and when I looked in the mirror I was completely
embarrassed. “I can’t believe he saw me like this!” I thought. I ran a brush through my
chocolate brown hair, the color still rich from my hair appointment last week. Naturally
my hair is this light brown color, I think it’s too mousy so I like to keep it dyed dark.
It was quite messy so I found a pony tail ring and tied it up in a loose bun on the top of
my head. Stephen always liked my hair like that, he said it was cute. I added a thin,
black headband to keep my bangs back and fixed my mascara, powered my face, and added some
lip gloss. I looked comfy, which was good, I didn’t want Mark to think I was trying to
look good for him, although I guess I kind of was. I looked down at my outfit, noticed a
fleck of spaghetti sauce on my open, grey cardigan, so I ran to my room to change. I left
on my black skinny jeans since they were pretty comfortable, and they made my ass look
really good. With the cardigan off I was just wearing a white Alexisonfire band t-shirt
that I had bought at a concert last year. I decided that this looked fine, even though you
could clearly see my black bra, and threw the cardigan in my hamper. I realized the
homemade porno was still playing on the computer, so I turned it off and returned it to
it’s home in my underwear drawer. Before I left my room I squirted on some of my favorite
perfume, Be Delicious by DKNY, it was a Christmas gift form Stephen. I still needed to
pee, so I went back into the bathroom. While washing my hands I decided to look in my
medicine cabinet to see what else Mark had seen. Tampons, Toothpaste, Tylenol, allergy
pills, birth control, facial scrub, extra soap, a tiny dish of Q-tips, and a can of
hairspray. He was right, nothing unusual. I took a final look in the mirror, thought that
I looked cute and headed back out.
“A second my arse.”
“Well, thanks for being patient. What did you pick?”
“It’s a surprise. Sit down and I will press play.”
I laughed, “Okay,” I said as if I was nervous.
I sat in the middle without thinking, possibly a little too close, but I didn’t
want to move now or that would just make it more awkward. I figured that as long as I
didn’t lean in we would be fine. Mark pressed play and the movie started to play.
I looked at him, “The Cove? You like documentaries?”
“Yeah, it’s a good way to learn about things that you wouldn’t normally know. This
one won an Oscar didn’t it?”
“Yeah, it did. It’s really good, but sad.”
“Shh! Don’t tell me anything else.”
I smiled, rolled my eyes, and shook my head, “Okay.”
We settled in and began to watch it, sometimes I would look at him through the
corner of my eye and he looked so content and interested. Stephen hated documentaries, he
would never watch them with me. He always said they were for classrooms, but I found them
interesting. It was nice to have company during one.
About half way through I reached for the remote and pressed pause.
“I don’t know about you, but I can’t get through a movie without something to
munch on.”
“Thank God! I didn’t think you would ever ask.”
I laughed at him, yet again, and stood up.
“Is popcorn okay?”
“Obviously.”
I strolled over to the kitchen and got a couple packs of microwave popcorn from
one of the top cupboards. I put one in the microwave, got a big, silver bowl, and stood by
the microwave to wait. When that one finished I poured in into the bowl and put in the
other one.
“Two?” Mark said.
“I like popcorn, a lot.”
“That’s a good thing, I’m always afraid I’ve eaten too much when I share with
other people.”
“Well this time you might feel like you get the shitty end of the stick.”
He laughed and stood up, joining me in the kitchen with a few steps. He got two
glasses, opened the freezer, added ice, and the opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of
Pepsi, he poured two glasses.
“Thanks for asking what I wanted.” I teased.
“It’s the only thing in there that goes well with popcorn!”
“I know, I’m only kidding around, Mark, don’t be so uptight.”
He smiled and nudged my arm, carrying the two glasses he went back into the living
room. He set them down on the large, rectangular, dark wood, coffee table, both on
coasters, which I was very appreciative of. I soon joined him again with the giant bowl of
popcorn and he pressed play. This time I tried to sit in the middle. I held the popcorn
and he ate out of my lap. I was once again reminded of how comfortable I was around him.
The popcorn was finished before the movie and I was getting a little tired. I
reached for the grey, fleece throw that was folded up and laid on the other arm of the
couch. I spread it over me and was surprised when Mark grabbed a corner and pulled it over
himself as well. I decided not to say anything, but to still try not to get too close. My
stomach was still full of butterflies and the attraction grew with every hour.
3.
The movie ended and Mark got up to take it out of the DVD player. He put it back
in the case and put it on the shelf. I loved the fact that he seemed to be as tidy and
organized as I was. Stephen would have taken it out the next time he went to watch
something, and put it on top of the player.
He came back and sat on the couch, just as I was hoping he would.
“Thanks for inviting me in, it was fun.”
“Anytime, seriously. I don’t really have any friends and this was the best time
I’ve had in weeks.”
He grinned and looked away, “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Do you have to work on Sundays?”
I didn’t know why I said that, it was the biggest insinuation that I wanted him to
spend the night.
“No,” he replied, without an ounce of seduction in his voice, “I work from Monday
to Friday.”
“Me too.”
“Where do you work?”
“A daycare centre.”
“Nice, I can see you doing that.”
I smiled, “I enjoy it.”
“Well anyways, Sarah, I should really get going.”
“Yeah…”
We both walked to the door, he shrugged on his jacket and began to turn the
doorknob.
“Mark.”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t know,” I laughed.
“Oh.”
He began to open the door, but I couldn’t let him leave.
“Thanks for tonight, it really was fun. I’ll see you later?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
We stood there for a moment, both waiting for the same reaction from each other.
When neither of is had the guts to make a move he began to slip through the open door, I
took hold of the doorknob and leaned out to meet him.
“Don’t go.” I whispered, looking at the floor.
“Okay,” he whispered back.
I felt his finger tips on my chin, and then his warm lips on mine, moving as
though it were a race for time. As one, we backed into the apartment, he picked me up, and
I wrapped my legs around his waist. His hands rested on my bum as he slowly walked towards
the bedroom. My hands found their way under his shirt, his skin hot to my touch. I began
kissing down his neck as he closed the bedroom door and laid me on the bed.
Hours later, Mark’s naked, sleeping body curled around mine under the same white
sheets that covered Stephen and I on similar nights, I began to cry. I had now made myself
into a cheater, how was I ever supposed to look at Stephen again? How was I supposed to
marry him now? I realized that Stephen didn’t come to mind at all once I had let myself
give in. I realized that what Mark and I just had was the best, most passionate sex I have
ever experienced. But I could never admit that, no one could ever find out about Mark. I
would have to forget all about him and we would never see each other again. I had to move
on with my life.
Mark’s body suddenly moved closer to mine, he squeezed a little and wiped away a
tear with his thumb.
“Don’t cry,” he said, “it was just sex. You and Stephen can still be in love, you
can still get married and have a great life. But we both have needs, and we can satisfy
each other’s for now. It’s just sex, nothing else.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were awake. But you’re right, it’s just sex.”
I turned to face him and cuddled into his muscular chest. As he fell asleep, I
wondered if he was right. Was it just sex? Could it ever be just sex? I couldn’t deny that
I felt something very strong for Mark. I wanted him in more than just a sexual way, but if
I only get him in that sexual way, does that mean it’s just sex? Does that mean that I
wasn’t really cheating? Could I do this? I knew it wouldn’t matter about morals anymore, I
had my taste of Mark Cunningham and I would become addicted. On that very first night, I
knew this.
