First timer here! Nice to meet you. Umm, this is my story, and I appreciate the help! Thanks!
SMILE
"Smile." He uselessly tried to hold the corner of my mouth upright with his finger. I shook away from his hand.
"How can you say that?" I sniffled miserably. "You're going to go away, and I won't be able to see you." When he kept gazing at me thoughtfully I clarified. "Ever."
"Come on, don't say that. You know that's not true. It's for two, three years, Riley." I stared him down with furious brown eyes. "Tops," he added in surrender.
I heaved a sigh. "But… what if some California girl catches your eye while I'm here, rotting in the snow?"
Tailor laughed loudly. "Is that what you were worried about?" He shook his head. "Really, Riles, you should know better. That's really, really, not an issue." He tucked a loose strand of hair back behind my ear. "Really," he whispered, mahogany eyes grave.
We both had brown eyes, just plain and normal, but I knew his were the most amazing eyes in the world. He said mine were. In the sun, his eyes had strands of green in them, and in the dark, a very dim red.
I pouted. "Honestly, Tai, I just don't want to be away from you."
It was Tailor's turn to sigh. "That's the real issue." He held his hand in mine. "What are we going to do about it, Riley?"
I looked around at the snowy town. The orchard of trees around us was grey and naked, covered in snow. I kicked the snow from the sidewalk weakly. "What are we going to do?" I repeated, turning it into my own question.
"We can't talk over once a week," Tailor informed me, staring at our feet. "It costs money, no matter who's paying." I opened my mouth to protest but he already knew what I was about to say. "I'm not letting you get a job. Neither am I. We have two years until graduation; let's not screw it up, okay?" I closed my mouth, nodding. "And… visiting is going to be expensive." He stared straight ahead as he said it, at the snow covered bench at the end over the orchard. "So no more than… twice a year?"
I felt my jaw fall open as his tightened. "Twice a year, Tai? How are we –" I stopped talking. This was the entire point. I felt a warm tear slide from my left eye to my nose. "We aren't, are we? We aren't even going to try. We can't make it. Not with twice a year, once a week."
Tailor was careful not to look at me. "I was hoping you might have some ideas."
"Don't go," I said the words, and my throat burned with them. Because I knew he would go. It didn't matter if I'd asked. It didn't matter if I'd cry. Tailor was Tailor; it was just a part of who he was.
"Or…" He was still looking fixedly at the bench. "Or you could come with me." I felt another tear trail down sluggishly, warm against my cold skin. "Your grandmother won't mind, would she?"
I didn't answer. Tailor tugged on my hand as I stopped walking. "She's old," I whispered. "She's the only family I've got. She can't take care of the entire house alone."
Tailor nodded slowly. "I'm following my family," he said, eyes sliding from my face to my feet. "It's only natural for you to want to follow yours."
Tailor was never too good with public displays of affection, so I didn't hug him. He was holding my hand, which I knew cost him a heavy price. And I let it go. The mahogany eyes found mine, startled.
The sky was a very clear blue, nearly white, the sun hiding behind a cloud. It was beautiful, yet cold. Very, very cold. My hand felt cold too, without his hand warming it.
"I –" I didn't know how to continue. I didn't want him to suffer because of me. But the tears spilled down anyway, faster and faster, and sobs were coming from my throat. I couldn't see beyond the tears, but I felt him take my hand again.
"I love you too," he said softly in my ear. His hand was too cold, like mine.
"I'm s-scared," I whispered through my sobs.
"I know." Tailor looked the other way so that I wouldn't see his face. I still saw his shoulders trembling. "Me too." His voice was choked.
"What are we going to do?" The question slipped from my lips, slurred by the sobs. It had such a different meaning to us just moments before. Tailor didn't answer, and he didn't turn around either. But his hand squeezed mine tighter.
"Don't," he whispered. "Don't say it, Riley, please."
I took a deep breathe. "We're going to have to…" I felt my heart miss a beat, and a surge of sharp unease cross through me. "We're… going to have to…" The tears welled up again, choking my throat. Slowly, Tailor let go of my hand. He put both hands on my shoulders, pulling me into a hug, into the safety of his warm coat. Secure in his arms, I let the sobs take over. "We're really going to have to… break up; move on, aren't we?" I whispered into his jacket.
Tailor didn't answer.
***
He didn't call.
That was okay. I was a little glad he didn't. It made things… easier, in a way. I cried. I watched sad movies. I had a dozen sleepovers with Alexandra, my best friend, where we stayed up all night detailing and diagnosing our relationship. Alex thought it was a good thing. She said that now I can grow stronger. I shot her a dark look. She probably didn’t realize how growing stronger was painful.
We ate ice-cream, but I don't like ice-cream too much, so we settled for chips after two boxes. She forced me to laugh. It hurt slightly, but it didn't feel wrong… just painful, somewhere inside me.
High school was my bigger worry.
"Hey, Ray, you look kind of sick," Alex noted as I tried on clothes on the morning of the first day. She lay on my bed lazily, reading where I left off yesterday night in the book.
"I hope you marked where my page was – and sick how?" I switched the green sweater with a blue long-sleeved shirt.
"Never mind. You're okay," Alex said with a smirk, her pixie face hidden behind the book.
"Yes," I murmured, mostly to myself. "I'm okay." It wasn't that much of a lie. I wasn't not okay. But okay seemed to take it a bit too far. "I'm… recovering," I amended in a low voice. Yeah. That's what I was doing.
I knew what Tailor would say about this. I'd had a million conversations with him in my head. I'd say this, he'd retort that, I smiled, he laughed. But I was perfectly aware that the Tailor in my head wasn't real. And gradually, over the last few weeks – mostly thanks to Alex's efforts – I was sort of sane again. I knew grandma had been worrying about me.
And more importantly, even through my tears and slurred words, I knew Alex's relentless work had helped me get better. "Alex?" I asked timidly.
Alex's green eyes peeked at me from behind the book. "Hmm?"
I smiled widely. It didn't hurt that much anymore. "Thank you."
Alex beamed back. "You owe me a cherry pie at Debby's," she said, sliding back into the book.
I grinned, naturally this time. "You got it."
I looked at the mirror, worrying. It felt good to worry about nonsense like what clothes to wear, how to fix my hair. Almost as if things were back to normal.
My auburn hair lay faithfully straight and long on my back, the blue shirt I wore suiting it. Under it was a pair of simple jeans, and above all that a dark woolen hat that skaters' wear. I didn't especially like to skate. I wasn't any good at it. But I liked the hat. It was cool. My shoes were ragged and slightly torn, their black color long since turned to blotchy grey.
I glanced at the folded paper that lay on my drawer, under the mirror. "At least you've got his number," Alex had said. "At least you know you can call." She said it like it was a good thing. How could it be good? I wanted to run to the phone every waking minute and dial that number. But I couldn't.
For one, I gave up, and, the second reason was that… he didn't call. It was okay, because it helped, because this was the right thing to do, but… he didn't call. And I didn't know if he was with some California girl, or, maybe I wasn't welcomed to call anymore – I didn't really want to find out which. I couldn't bare it.
And the third reason was because I didn't really think it would do me any good. We still couldn't be together. Not like that. And we both knew it. And it would just hurt. And all those reasons kept flying out the window every time I thought of him.
But I was okay. Not brilliant, but recovering. Like the day after a bad cold. I was going to be all right. It's what I liked to believe.
***
My homeroom teacher smiled kindly at us.
A boy was standing next to her, leaning on the blackboard, trying to buy himself some room away from her. The first thing I noticed about him was his blue skater's hat. He wore jeans too, though they were a bit baggier than mine. He turned his head to the side, and his neck-long dark hair brushed against the board and fell into his eyes, covering them.
I looked at him curiously, as the rest of my class, I was sure. The slightest spasm of sympathy ran through me. Poor guy – being stared down like this by the entire class. Not a very comfortable position. I remembered my first day. It was terrible.
The teacher placed a hand on his shoulder. She was about to make her 'welcome back' speech, I could feel it. Instead, her gaze landed on me. I saw the grey eyes behind the glasses blink, and then her mouth – painted a very dark red – curled into a smile. "Ms. Rail!" she called in an unpleasantly shrill voice. "It's been ages. Now, I want you to start telling everyone what you did on vacation."
Unbelievable. The second year of high school and she still treated us like we were in elementary school. I felt my cheeks burn. The chair creaked too loudly as I rose slowly. "I… um –" There really wasn't much I could say that didn't have to do with Tailor. He'd left near the end of last year, and I spent most of the summer eating chips and crying, my only company Grandma and Alex.
On the seat beside me, I could see Alex panicking as well. "I… had fun." Some of the people snickered.
"Please elaborate, Ms. Rail!" The teacher scolded lightly.
I squared my shoulders, ready for anything, when the idea suddenly hit me. My face brightened with relief. "This summer I found out I had the best best-friend in the world."
I looked down in time to see the blush all over her face. Alex flipped her short sandy hair to hide her cheeks.
"Safe," I whispered as the teacher moved on. When I looked at the blackboard again, the new guy was looking straight ahead, or at least, that's the direction his head was leading.
Dimly, I wondered what color were his eyes. His skin wasn't pale compared to the rest of us, but still pale enough to be considered a local member; King's town was very high up north, usually covered in snow, and since the small amount of people inside it didn't get to see the sun too often we were all pretty much tan-less.
His dark hair brushed against the board again as he moved his head slightly to the side, facing away from us. He got chalk all over it.
"How can he see like that?" Alex whispered. Unsure of the answer, I shrugged.
"I went to Hawaii," another person was saying.
"And what about you?" The teacher compassionately turned to the boy at her side. He was averagely tall, and tucked his hands in his baggy jeans.
"I moved to this town," he said quietly. Only the people in the front two rows could hear the loathing in his voice. Alex and I sat on the second row, next to the window. It rang out clearly.
The teacher smiled widely, ignoring his display of disaffection. "Well then class, I believe it's time to introduce the newest member of our class." The entire thing felt like an exert from my memory of the fourth grade. "This is David Tim. I hope you will welcome him into the class."
Alex leaned across the table. "He's a bucket of sunshine, isn't he, Riley?" She smirked. The boy, throughout the teacher's introduction, became sulkier and sulkier, scowling.
"Ms. Lainly, move to sit next to… Ms. Maintrain, if you will."
Two rows behind us, Kim Maintrain made a face. Alex seemed horrified. "But Mrs. Kellerman!"
"If you see it fit to talk in my classes, then I may see it fit to move you somewhere quieter," Mrs. Kellerman snapped. "David, you sit next Ms. Rail."
The minute she said my name the boy's pose turned from casual to rigid. I felt my stomach lurch. Here? Next to me? What'd I do? Whatever sympathy I felt for the boy was gone. No, no, no!
When the boy hesitated – seeming as reluctant as me – the teacher moved her grey eyes to look at him. "Is there a problem?"
Without a word, he walked and sat next to me. His chair didn't even creak – some people are just lucky. That doesn't mean nobody was watching us though. I could feel the creeping glances of our classmates on our backs, even while turned away.
I smiled feebly at him, but he didn't return the favor. He probably couldn't even see that I had.
"You have chalk on your hair," I pointed out in a hushed voice. The boy glanced at me darkly – or so I thought, because I still couldn't see his eyes. He didn't answer.
"So, um, how are you liking King's town?" I tried again. Another dark look. More silence. I sunk lower in my chair. God, why did I have to get stuck with this gloomy guy? This year was supposed to be good! Even without Tailor here, I'd promised myself I would try.
It would be my first year here without Tailor, and as if that wasn't enough to get me down, I was stuck with this depressing fellow as my desk partner for the rest of the year. This year was supposed to be good. It was supposed to be great. I'd already planned it all out! Sulking, I turned toward the board, ignoring the boy.
The bell rang, and I saw Mrs. Kellerman's mouth finally close. I planned on leaping out of my seat, but the boy got ahead of me. He jumped up, and all but ran out of the classroom. I glanced back at Alex, but she wasn't paying attention to me, fighting with Kim.
"Ugh, that girl is a nightmare!" she groaned as we walked to the cafeteria.
"You think you're seating next to a nightmare?" I smiled grimly. "You have no idea. This new guy, David, he's probably the meanest person ever. I tried making conversation but it was like he was trying to kill me with his nonexistent eyes alone!"
Alex shrugged. "He doesn't seem like a very happy person."
"Yeah, well, he still shouldn't have acted like that. It was rude!" I said heatedly.
Alex rolled her eyes at my complaints. "Oh, please! Everyone's rude. Get used to the idea, doll."
I held on to my brown bag tightly. "You're getting cafeteria food today, right?" I will not be jealous, I instructed myself. It was okay. Grandma's cooking was better anyway.
"Yeah," Alex hesitated. I saw her green eyes fly down to my brown bag. "W-well, I'm going to get in line. Get us a table, please!"
I smiled halfheartedly, turning to scan the gym that was now full of long tables. One table was desolated, the only one left empty. I rushed over to it gratefully. The minute I set down my brown bag, another person's brown bag landed next to it.
I looked up, ready to argue, but the person in front of me hurried to smile. "Can I sit here?" he asked awkwardly. I managed to close my mouth, attempt a sort of smile, and nod. He was more or less stunning. "I'm Tom, I'm new here," the guy said as we took a seat. My chair creaked as I sat.
"I'm Riley," I said uncertainly. "And…"
Tom looked at me with expectant blue eyes, his mouth curving into a hesitant smile. His golden locks seemed to glimmer slightly in the bright lighting.
"Are you sure you want to sit here?" I felt my cheeks heating up as I tried to explain. "W-we're not exactly… okay with everyone else here." I glanced behind my back to clarify.
Tom nodded, his gold hair covering the back of his neck. "Yeah, it's just first impression, but I don't like them much either." I noticed a few girls glaring at me, some of them pointing at his back.
"Well, you're welcome here then!" I said, spreading my arms slightly. Tom laughed.
"The line was so long, Riles, I swear I was about to hit the person in front of me, just so they'd get a move on –" Alex's voice died away.
I tried to suppress a giggle. "Alex, this is Tom. He's new." Tom waved weakly, immediately focusing on his brown bag.
"Oh," Alex said. Then her eyes transferred to me. "Oh." She took her seat in front of us, placing the grey trey on the table. "So, Tom, where are you from?" she asked, her voice slightly too high. I knew she wanted to burst out laughing. Maybe at my flushed expression, maybe at the girls behind us, but definitely not at him – he seemed… nice. I was pretty sure Alex would define it in a different word.
Tom looked at me sideways before answering. "New York. I came with my twin brother."
Alex looked like she could dance. "A twin brother?" she asked, her voice too high again.
"Um, yeah. They put us in different classes though," Tom said, his bright face clouded. "A bit unfair of them, if you ask me, but that's life."
I started opening my brown bag, fiddling with Grandma's sandwiches. "Amen to that," I said, head bent down over my work.
Tom took out a pack of vegetables. He grimaced. "I hate carrots. Somehow Mom always forgets that."
I pulled out the two sandwiches, leaving two apples for later. "I'll trade. I got peanut butter and jelly, or cheese and scrambled eggs inside it."
Tom blushed, blue eyes embarrassed. "No, that's not what I meant –"
"As it happens," Alex interrupted with a devilish smirk, "Riley really likes carrots. Be wise and take it."
Tom blushed further, nodded, and put the box of vegetables in the middle, between us. "Choose whatever you like." His mouth curved a little at the edges.
I smiled back, slightly staggered. It wasn't emotional the sort of emotional stagger you got from someone you liked – he was just a staggering person. "What's your choice?" I asked faintly – thankfully, he didn't notice.
"Hmm, I don't know." He rested his elbows on the table and his head on that. "What's your favorite?"
I saw Alex's eyebrows rising.
"You don't have to choose the one I don't like," I hurried to say. "Don't do that because of me!"
Tom looked up, smirking. "If you like something it means it's good. That's why I was asking."
"Oh," I mumbled, blushing.
"But as you said, I don't have to. But I will. So let me change my question. What don't you like?" Silently, I handed him the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, staring at my own.
"And here I thought you were shy!" Alex's voice returned to its normal state. Her pixie features were sharpened by the harsh lights around us, and she almost looked like a forest demon
Tom choked on his sandwich slightly, as if he forgot there was another person with us. I guessed she did look kind of scary when you first saw her. "I dunno, really." He stared at the sandwich as his cheeks started reddening.
"Um, New York, that must have been fun," I said tentatively, saving Tom from Alex's gleeful gaze.
"Sometimes, yeah," Tom said thankfully. He swallowed. "Sometimes it's too much noise though, you know?"
I laughed as Alex groaned. "You're one of those people?" she asked in disappointment.
Tailor had always said my eyes sparkle when I laughed. But I couldn't stop laughing now, even though it made me remember, and that hurt. In moments, Alex's voice joined in my laughter, and then Tom was laughing too.
"I'm the opposite kind," I explained when I got a grip on myself. "I like quiet and peace."
Tom raised a golden eyebrow. "Quiet and peace?" Even I could hear how cliché that sounded.
I nodded. "Like instead of going to a party, sitting on the porch watching the stars."
"Look who's getting all romantic, Riles," Alex giggled. I cringed in my chair.
"I didn't –"
"No, I'd like that too," Tom said quietly. I was just about to grin at Alex when Tom looked up, his face brighter than I'd ever seen them. The look on his face made my heart beat just a little bit faster. "Hey, Dave! Over here!" he called.
There was a muted thud as someone placed a brown bag on the table, next to Alex, and then a guy with a blue skater's hat and dark hair that hid his eyes sat down, his face grim. He nodded toward Tom.
"Wait, that's your brother?" Alex asked. I couldn't blame Tom when his blue eyes flashed at her – her tone was a little offensive. I kept my mouth tightly shut. Huh. Life's weird. Here was this really gloomy silent type, which I would never in a million years have thought could be related to such a happy, social person.
"Yeah," he said, his voice much colder than before. "How do you guys know each other?" He glanced at his brother.
"In my class," David said shortly, taking out his lunch.
I still wondered how he was able to see with the hair covering his eyes, but held my tongue. Instead, I took the first bite out of my sandwich. The salty substance tasted reassuring, familiar. I cleared my throat. "So, um, what did you think about Mrs. Kellerman, David?" He couldn't ignore me here, next to his brother.
David shifted his head from his lunch to face me. "I didn't," he said. When he turned back to his sandwich, I noticed he wiped the chalk off his hair.
Maybe it was a mistake trying to be nice to him. I looked at Tom. "The vegetables…" The plastic box still sat between us.
"Yes?"
"Can I have one?" I asked hesitantly.
He gestured at the box with his left hand. "Of course," he said.
"Whoa, Riles, you better be careful." Alex laughed. "I think some of the girls here are actually planning to kill you." I joined her laughter uncomfortably.
"Why?" Tom asked, looking from me to Alex. His blond hair swung around as he moved his head.
"Because, well, you know, she's talking to you. Every girl here wants to do that. And because she's already had a boyfriend that every girl wanted." Alex thought about it for a moment. "Every girl except me," she amended. "Oh, and –"
I kept my gaze locked firmly on the brown bag. Alex was a good friend – the best friend possible – but when she wasn't paying attention, she could let things slip.
"Alex, cut it out," I said softly, hoping she could somehow hear me without the others hearing as well. "Tailor and I broke up." My throat ached at the words. "There's really no need to bring it up."
The others stayed quiet. Suddenly, we could all hear the buzz of conversation and laughter around us.
"U-um, right, of course you're right," Alex mumbled, looking down. "Didn't mean to do that. My tongue should be executed."
I giggled to show her she was off the hook. "I'd lead the hunting party myself." The atmosphere loosened a bit. "How's the sandwich?" I asked as I took another big bite of mine, along with a carrot stick.
"Awesome," Tom answered with his mouth full. David ate quietly – quite an accomplishment since he was sitting next to Alex – I looked at her just in time to hear her speak.
"What's our next class, Riley?" Alex asked, her brow creased in thought.
"History." I shuddered. "Why?" I saw David's face twitch before it smoothed out again.
"I was wondering if we could meet today to do the homework together. But now I remembered you've got to work." Alex looked at the half eaten slice of pizza glumly. "Bummer."
I forced out a smile. Even though Tailor said I shouldn't get a job, I got one anyway. Maybe out of spite then most, but I knew that if I even wanted to think about new clothes and such, I'd have to work for it. Grandma did what she could, but her pay wasn't that big, and most of it went to the house and for food.
I finished the sandwich in four more bites. "I don't want to be late, Al, so please hurry up." I watched her eat the two slices of pizza, scarf down the chocolate muffin, and then we were off.
"Bye, Tom," Alex said with an impish grin.
I raised my hand feebly. "See you around guys." David stayed oblivious, still sprawled on his chair while Tom smiled awkwardly.
"History…" I heard Alex mutter to herself as we raced down the hall.
Was David skipping? I worried, but Alex's words intruded my mind; she's already had a boyfriend every girl wanted… that wasn't true, was it? Since the moment we met, it seemed natural for us to be together. That's why I was scared when he left.
Funny thing is, I thought as the class door slammed open. I wasn't so scared anymore.
