House 3

Before you start reading, I know there's not a whole lot of romance going on in it yet, ut I had to work up to it. I promise, it's soon! =)

Oh, and just a small side note, I know the names are a little different, but this is based on my cousin, and that you spell her name, her twins name and everyone else in the story.
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Robbin

"It's leukemia," I explained to Rain when I got home. "I didn't notice because I've always bruised easily, anyways, and you know how I am when I'm sick, I never say anything. And when I started getting noise bleeds, I didn't think anything of them. The doctor says I have to see a specialist," I paused to catch my breath. "He said all he really knew was that my white blood cell count was lower then it should be. He said there's several different types of leukemia, and that it could be something that I over come, or something I die from," I paused once more, while I wiped the tears from my eyes. "I'm scared, Rain."
She held to her shoulder as I cried, and kept whispering the stupidest things, like 'It will be okay.' It was as though I had a broken heart or something. Like I would be fine in a few weeks. Sometimes, she could be so naive.

Rain

I didn't know what to do. I had a new, unfilmiar feeling inside me. I have always been there for Robbin, and now, when she needed me the most, I was lost! She needs me more now then when her dog had died, or when she had nothing to wear on her first date.
I'm her twin, and her best friend, and I was completly lost. Where was she going to turn to now?

Hey, I just wanted to tell you this is very interesting. I'm writing a similar story now. I don't see a lot of grammar errors so I'll leave it to someone else to find them.

Good luck with this, I'm interesting to see where you take it.

Hi ya Bunnie I see what you mean when you say that the story doesn't really have a love interest.
But I did like this one, not as much as the first one thou, but that's only cause that's really deep I only saw one grammar mistake. Or at least I think this is what you meant.

[quote]She held to her shoulder as I cried, and kept whispering the stupidest things[quote]

I think you meant to put 'me' between held and to, but I'm not sure. You know what ever floats your boat like hot chocolate! Anyways sorry if it's not.

Well hope you keep posting!


-Chinchilla-

Hiya!
Ok firstly, awesome story. I can't wait to read the rest, could you pm when you have the next bit written?

Secondly, I found it really hard to find any mistakes..... except this one
[quote]I had a knew, unfilmiar feeling inside me[quote]

The spelling is wrong. "I had a new, unfamiliar feeling inside me"

That was the only mistake I could find though, like I said great story. Please, please keep at it !