The Dark Side of the Moon - 1

11 posts
User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 1075
Reviews 842
Sorry it took me so long to write this up. :?

Hope you enjoy it!

Happy Reading :D

**This is in a duo narration, so just watch out that this is from two different characters' POV's
______________________

CHAPTER ONE

The canopy above sheltered me from the rain as the droplets hitting the large leaves served as my background music. My body was thrown across the forest floor, hands tucked behind my head. My spine eased into the soft dirt, imprinting my body and creating a safe haven for a night of much needed rest.
It had been a long, difficult hunt, my prey too smart for his own good. Before we even left the outskirts of town, he turned on me and tried to flee. I simply loathed this, for I had to chase him down and take him out before he made too much racket. I had been foolish and lured him away from his house filled with his wife and kids. I should have known that someone would have noticed. Just as I was positioning the body in a raven to appear like an accident, as a supposed suicide, his wife came snooping around, and spotted me hunched over his body. She tried to run, and I ended up having to kill her as well.
Sighing, I shifted restlessly, the rain continuing to fall around me in a sort of magical symphony of sound. I took a moment to just listen, allowing my eyelids to slide close. That’s when the man’s face took form in my mind’s eye. It was hard to ignore the shift in my stomach at the thought of leaving his wife’s body, bloody and cold behind as well. I had fed from him so I had no appetite for her.
“I should have fed anyway,” I thought out loud, biting down on my lip. It was dangerous for one of my kind to kill in cold blood. It was said to curse you. Shaking my head, I laughed at myself.
“Look at me! Since when do I, Sophia Martin, worry about something like curses?” I didn’t really have an answer for myself then, and it sent me to thinking long and hard. What was bringing the change about in me? I was still living my normal life. Still my normal self.
That’s when I knew.
The nightmares.
Shivering in the sudden cold, I rolled onto my side and pulled my knees to my chest. They were vivid and raw and cut me to the core every time. Images of my long-ago family. Of them being murdered by the frenzied humans in their desire to destroy all freaks of nature. They had found us in the clearing, sound asleep for the night. They came with stakes and blue fire. I couldn’t remember how many they killed before the whole colony finally awoke. We ran then, knowing that fighting back would only end in the destruction of both of our kinds.
By the time we reached our safe place in the hills, there were only ten of us left. Rouke, our leader; Frank and Rita and their three children; Oliver and Ester, our last two elders; myself and—
I stopped short, forcing the memory away. It was still too hard to handle. Even after hundreds of years, I still couldn’t deal with the horror that awaited us.
I was the only one that made it out alive.
Now, here I was, a Rogue—one without a family or a place to call home. Mate-less and with cold-bloodied murder staining my hands.
Standing to my feet, I knew I wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight. Looking up through the canopy of leaves to see the sky above, it appeared to me that the storm wouldn’t let up any time soon. Grumbling, I lifted my hood to cover my hair and shoved my hands up into the sleeves of my sweatshirt. Tucking the ends of my jeans into my boots, I glanced back at the place that still held the imprint of my body against the wet leaves and dirt. I could be sound asleep, unaware of the world. But I knew my past would never stop; wouldn’t leave me to rest.
So, with a heavy sigh, I left the canopy of the leaves and started at a slow jog. The rain pelted my back and before long, I was soaked through. Rainwater dripped from the top of my hood, leaking into my eyes. Rubbing it away, I forced my legs to move faster, although most of me was screaming to stop and get dry, maybe start a fire.
But I wasn’t going to stop. I was going to keep running; keep moving until those wretched memories would leave me.
Only then would I be at peace, and my soul could rest in soundless sleep.
Until then, I would keep running, even if I had to risk getting a little wet.
Straightening my shoulders, I ran on, no destination in mind, hoping that the rain would cease soon.

* * * *

Staring out the window, he watched as the rain lashed against the windowpane. The fire engulfed him in a comforting hug, drying off his still-damp hair. It hung in front of his eyes, and he brushed it out of the way, agitated. He wasn’t able to make the trip down to the lake today and it made him worried whenever he missed it. He was there to protect them and when he couldn’t, he felt helpless.
Pacing edgily, hands clasped behind his back, he rewinded back in his mind the last few hours. He had been at school, talking in lunch with Nora, when Michael had approached us. He couldn’t forget his face—brow furrowed and lips pulled thin, vanishing into his pale complexion. Michael’s eyes, a penetrating ash-gray, hit him squarely, freezing him to the spot. Michael had apologized later for showering him under his gaze, forcing him stop whatever he was doing. It was uncomfortable for him when they did that. That was the only time he was ever actually scared or vulnerable when in their presence.
Michael had told him that Philip had caught a hold of a few unknown scents, and warned him that they might be getting visitors in the next few weeks or so. This sent the hair on the back of his neck to rising.
Visitors meant ones not of the colony, which could only mean one thing: Rogues.
His spine straightened at the thought. Rogues were extremely dangerous, especially for the surrounding towns. It was his job to keep the peace. To make sure they stayed hidden, and that the people around him were kept in the dark about their existence.
But Rogues made things difficult. The only time one had entered the territory had been three years ago, only a few years after he had found out about the colony of vampires hiding in the back woods. He had been one of the few friendly ones. With one warning from Philip, he had been on his way, never to be seen again. But that didn’t ease his nerves. No, not one little bit.
Looking up back out the window, he sighed. Staring down at his shoes, he wished there were some way he could leave for the lake. Michael had told him they were going to have a meeting later that afternoon about what they would do about the approaching vampires. He wanted to be at that meeting. He hated being left out of anything including the survival of human kind around him.
A soft knock from outside the windowpane drew his attention back upwards, and he nearly fell backwards at the sight of the familiar face hovering before the glass. “Nora!” he exclaimed in disbelief stepping forward to open the glass.
Her violet eyes lit up, flashing him a toothy grin. Thankfully, her incisors were of normal size, so he had no fears of letting her in. She wasn’t hungry.
“God, took you long enough to get over here,” she grumbled, leaping agilely into the room as if it was nothing.
“Sorry. I guess I’m just not used to a person leaping up two stories to get to my room,” he snapped, but with a twinkle in his eyes that signified his merriment at the sight of her.
“I just thought I would fill you in on what the meeting was about since your parents won’t let you out of the house.”
“How did you know?” he asked, suspicious.
“I was waiting outside until they went back downstairs. They were talking about how rebellious you have gotten lately.”
He rolled his eyes. “Great.”
“Anyway, back to the meeting, Philip said that the scents are still more than a hundred miles away, so for right now, the danger’s low and it’s a slim chance that all four of them will choose to come into Dayton.”
“All four?” The blood drained from his face.
Nora jolted. “Jeesh, Isaac, cool it. You have a whole colony of vampires out there to protect this town. No worries. Four vampires against fifty. They have no chance.” Nora winked at him, punching him not so lightly on the arm.
He clutched at it dramatically. “Ouch! Watch the iron muscles, missy.”
She rolled her eyes. “So just make sure you pass on the message to Jordan and Lisa. I don’t have time to go to each of their houses. I have to get back to the manor. But don’t forget, okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll text them tonight about it.”
Nora nodded. “Good.” Suddenly, she perked up and seconds later, Michael’s face appeared in the open window.
“Nora, let’s go. Philip wants to talk to you.” He nodded at the sight of Isaac before ducking out of sight again.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” Isaac mumbled, feeling more anxious than usual. He should be use to this. It had been almost ten years since he found out about Nora and her colony. Their super abilities—strength, speed, hearing, and vision—their uncanny cold skin, their blue veins, their eyes that change color with their moods, all of it was a daily thing now. It no longer phased him.
But now, with the thought of Rogues, sweat poured from him like a faucet turned on at full blast. What is going on? he thought, starting to shiver against the warmth behind him.
Nora’s face dissolved into one of concern. “Isaac, don’t get so worked up about this. Everything will be all right. Just a little drill, right?”
“Yeah, right,” he mumbled, Nora’s calming voice unable to cool his nerves.
Shaking her head, she forced herself to leave. There was nothing she could do for him now. In a few short days, the Rouges would be gone and hopefully, Isaac’s nerves would go with them. She didn’t know what would happen if he suddenly turned on them…

* * * *

The rain was finally starting to let off, and I was able to remove my hood. The dark clouds were starting to peel away to reveal the midnight blue sky beneath. Through the slight fog, I could pick out the soft shimmer that was the moon above. Only a slice in the sky, it left the earth engulfed in darkness. In the distance, a cackle of thunder could be heard as the storm drifted out of the area.
My mind was finally still. No more reeling, no more memories, and hopefully, no more dreams. Picking out a safe place amongst some leaves that were spared from the rain, I sprawled out. Unzipping my sweatshirt, I bundled it up into a makeshift pillow and shoved it behind my head. My eyelids were fighting against me as I rolled over, trying to get comfortable.
When I was finally in a desirable position, I laid my head against my sweatshirt. But before my ear even hit the soft fabric, I was lost to the dream realms.
Last edited by ashleylee on Sun Nov 16, 2008 5:02 pm, edited 3 times in total.
"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
~ Red Auerbach




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2242
Reviews 695
I'll read this tomorrow. Thanks for the heads up!
True love, in all it’s celestial charm, and
star-crossed ways, only exist in a writer’s
mind, for humans have not yet learned
how to manifest it.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 85
Hey, I really enjoyed this chapter and I like how you've made it so original (for a vampire story). =)

I simple loathed this, for I had to chase him down and take him out before he made too much racket.


Change simple to simply.

First Part

Excelent descriptions in the first part. You got my interested in your character and your plot.

Their super abilities—strength, speed, hearing, and vision—their uncanny cold skin, their blue veins, their eyes that change color with their moods, all of it was a daily thing now.


Lol. That's really cool.

Second Part

No mistakes that I saw. I loved the description of the vampires (see above).

Third Part

The only problem I saw with the last part is that you changed from first person to third person and that left me just a little bit confused.

Overall, this was very well written and original. PM me when Chapter 2 is up.
It's the very witching time of night.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 250
Sounds really good.

So, in this story, Nora and Sophia don't know each other? and why do i have the feel of werewolves in this story?

well, you know the drill. pme me when you have the next piece posted.
"I love you," she whispered in his ear, before taking his mouth with her own.

~Elizzabeth Grey of Addicting Posion




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 926
Reviews 35
Here we go:

Grumbling, I lifted my hood to cover my hair and shoved my hands up into my sleeves of my sweatshirts.


I believe it should be the instead of my.

Grumbling, I lifted my hood to cover my hair and shoved my hands up into my sleeves of my sweatshirts.


Sweatshirts? She has more than one on? If not, that should be singular instead of plural.

“I was waiting outside until the went back to downstairs. They were talking about how rebellious you have gotten lately.”


The should be they.


I'm still not feeling this story, but I thought I'd critique it for you anyway. Your descriptions are still wonderful, though. Who knows, maybe it will grow on me in the future.

Keep writing.

-Venom
Last edited by Venom on Sun Nov 16, 2008 2:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
A friend will take you to CVS to buy a pregnancy test...

A best friend will stand outside the bathroom screaming, "NAME IT AFTER ME!"




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4495
Reviews 228
Oh cool oh cool.
A totally different perspective of the story.
My mind is already going wild with guesses.
You sure know how to hook a reader :)
Or maybe its just me.
I like your descriptions of the surroundings,
For some reasons these things put me in a sort of dreamy mood.
I picture everything in my head,
And Sophia sounds very ...primitive right now.
Different from Poisoned Roses.
And Issac associating himself with Nora and the other vampires,
WOW. I love it.
Keep me updated on this story please! Thanks :D
~Liverpool F.C Supporter~
"You'll never walk alone"




Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 1122
Reviews 150
“Look at yourself, Sophia! Since when do you worry about petty curses?”


I don't think this sounds like something someone would say to themselves aloud. You could either change what she said, or make it a thought instead.

Now, here I was, a Rouge—one without a family or a place to call home. Mate-less and with cold-bloodied murder staining my hands.


Other than the fact that these sentences sent chills up my spine (in a good way), I'm not sure about "Rouge". Is it supposed to be "Rogue", as in an unprincipled, deceitful, and unreliable person; a scoundrel or rascal? Or is it a title you've created especially for this story? I'd like to get that cleared up.

Their super abilities—strength, speed, hearing, and vision—their uncanny cold skin, their blue veins, their eyes that change color with their moods, all of it was a daily thing now. It no longer phased him.


Like the other readers posted above me, I enjoyed this particular description. Though, I, personally, would probably have to go through rehab before I could find the above characteristics normal or usual. :lol: Anyway, liked it!

I think my favorite part was the last three paragraphs, because they show what a lonely, make-shift life Sophia has. Makes me sad for her. :(

PM me for chapter two!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2190
Reviews 16
Again, I love it!

Great job!
This is a story about a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world.

In every single letter. In every single word. There will be a hidden message about a boy who loves a girl.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1207
Reviews 86
Hey ash,

I liked this. As everyone else said your descriptions are amazing. I liked how you put part of it about Isaac... I'm just a little confused about whether or not Sophia and the characters from the other part know each other. This has great potential but to be completely honest I liked the other version better but I'm 100% positive you'll change my mind because your writing is so good. Good luck! Can't wait for the next chapter!

~dommy :D
This is our decision, to live fast and die young.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
Yeah, it's overwhelming, but what else can we do,
Get jobs in offices, and wake up for the morning commute?




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2242
Reviews 695
Hey Ash, I'm back!

This was a good read. Its as descriptive and fun to read as the first version. There were a couple of things that I saw though:

If that wasn’t enough, I was just positioning the body in a raven to appear like an accident when his girlfriend came along, shouting out for him. I ended up having to kill her as well, for she saw me over his body.


'I was just positioning the body in a raven...' that doesn't make sense to me and I just don't know what to make of it, please put more explanation or change.

And where did the girlfriend come from? Were they near his house or what? I think you should explain that as well.
Mate-less and with cold-bloodied murder staining my hands.


I think you mean cold-blooded.
I could be sound asleep, unaware of the world. But I knew my past would never stop; wouldn’t leave me to rest.


I love these sentences!
Straightening my shoulders, I ran on, no destination in mind, only concentrating on keeping my feet moving and my mind blank.


These sentences have too many carbs. Try to put them on a diet. Example: Straightening my shoulders, I ran on, with no destination in mind.
He had been at school, talking in lunch with Nora, when Michael had approached us.


It should be " He had been at school, talking to Nora at lunch, when Michael had approached them."
Visitors meant ones not of the colony. And that meant Rogues.


Maybe this could be: Visitors meant ones not of the colony. Rogues.

After that, you use the word 'Rogue' a lot. Maybe you could just say 'They' or something a couple of times, because we know what they're talking about.
So just make sure you pass on the message to Jordan and Lisa about this.


You should nix the 'about this' makes the sentence read better.

He should be use to this.


"He should be used to this."

The ending paragraph was excellently written and very descriptive. There was only one thing that bothered me:
But before my ear even hit the soft fabric, I was already lost to the dream realms.


Try: I was already lost to the realm of dreams.

Again, this was very entertaining and I really like where you're going with this.

Keep up the good work!

Your friend,

~Angel
True love, in all it’s celestial charm, and
star-crossed ways, only exist in a writer’s
mind, for humans have not yet learned
how to manifest it.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 174
I have just read another awesome chapter, ash - I loved it!! However, I did spot a few things ...

Standing to my feet, I knew I

Habving 'standing' there makes the sentence seem quite awkward for me, so I would maybe change it to 'getting' or something ...

So, with a heavy sigh, I

Using 'so' there makes this sentence seem to casual and conversational, so I would change it ...

when Michael had approached us. He couldn’t

You've changed person here, you need to stick to third!! :wink:

up two stories to get to

two storeys

Nora jolted. “Jeesh, Isaac, cool it.

Oooh .... Isaac. Wow, this is really differenet :O I'm wondering if maybe Isaac is a werewolf....

Overall
So far I think I already prefer this to your Poisoned Roses, even though I loved (still do!!) that story to bits, I think this one has taken such a different, unique and maybe even a more interesting route - I can't wait for more!! Awesome job, ash, please PM me when you have more!! =D
--Lucyy xx
"Don't think, or judge. Just Listen."



There's a Brazilian things you could write about. You just gotta pick Juan.
— Hattable