The Twin Brothers Whom Love Her Chapter 1

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**I was really bored from laying on the couch all day so I decided to write something. I might continue it.**

RING! RING! RING! The sound of a cellphone alarm brought the sixteen year old, Naomi to consciousness. Her head ached horribly as she opened her sharp blue eyes. Where am I? She wondered and grabbed her aching head. Her long, black hair fell in her face as she stood.

All of a sudden a man's tan arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her backwards. Naomi let out a squeal as she landed on a black bed. The man's warm lips quickly found hers. Naomi pushed her arms in front of her, forcing the man off of her.

"Who the hell a-" Naomi stopped dead in her sentance as she noticed who the man was and where she was. Laying in front of her was her nineteen year old, best friend, Kyle. His face bore an expression of hurt and sadness.

"Oh, Kyle, I-I'm so s-sorry," she reached for his face but her quickly pulled away, grabbing her wrists.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have forced myself on you last night in your drunken state," he smiled slightly and sat up, kissing her wrists. He crawled over Naomi, standing up on the other side. He shook out his shaggy brown hair and walked out, pulling on a button-up shirt and a pair of pants.

After a while, Naomi got out of Kyle's bed and pulled on one of his button up shirts, not bothering to put on any pants. She floated down stairs, following the smell of bacon and eggs. Kyle greeted her with a suprise kiss on the lips and a long stare in the eyes. Naomi studied his beautiful, silky brown eyes and he studied hers.

Their loving moment was soon broken up by a familiar voice. "Kyle! I'm so hungry!" Kyle's twin brother, Luke stomped down stairs, yawning. He gasped in suprise as he noticed Naomi.

"Oh Naomi! I didn't know you were here!" He cried, a lilt in his voice. Luke kissed Naomi and the cheek and swung her around the kitchen. Kyle's face flushed a jelous red as Naomi laughed. Luke stopped swinging Naomi around and laughed. He grabbed a plate and threw some eggs and bacon on it as Kyle grabbed Naomi waist, making their own plate, and glaring at Luke the entire time.
"When other girls wanted to be Ballerinas, I kind of wanted to be a Vampire." ~Me
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Hmmm... I was a bit confused. The beginning starts out with Naomi being confused as to where she is and Kyle being all apologetic about it being a mistake. Then it seems as though everything were all right, that Naomi knew where she was and was okay with it.

Then, it goes into her seeming to be with her own little male harem. Is she just there because of a one night stand? She seems rather comfortable there. Does this happen often? Luke really didn't seem to notice that Naomi has no pants.

This is an interesting concept, if not entirely original (two brothers loving the same girl...) and this story could use a lot more explanation. All of my questions above could be answered. Maybe have Naomi remember the night before. Explain what she is doing there.

Interesting, but vague. It could use a lot more, but it isn't bad. Good luck with it!

~GryphonFledgling
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I think that this story has a lot of potential, continue? :D

I liked it a lot, and your grammar was ok, although you could work a bit on punctuation and sentence flow...
My policy on life: you're wasting it by being sad and making others sad, so hug someone today! :D




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um...
i was a bit confused and don't you think if that happend to a girl they would be extremely mad

and also why was she drunk

come on help us out here cause i really don't understand

i think witha bit of twiking it could be great keep writing though!!!




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its a good beginning but as everyone said confusing
The only wrong love is only one never felt.
Live to day as if your would die tomorrow.
Love like you know no other, dream as if they'd come true, hope because you can reach the stars.




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Kay thanks everyone! I'll fix it soon!
"When other girls wanted to be Ballerinas, I kind of wanted to be a Vampire." ~Me
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My second puppers Pikapet
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I understood it. But I think her normal actions were a bit off for the situation. I don"t tink she would be all happy after something like that appened to er. But it is a very good start and could make a great story. Please keep going wit it. -begs-




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Twas very very good!!!! I liked it. You could've added a little more discription and such. Like Luke noticing her in his brothers shirt and so on. But other then that I really liked it!!!!!
"And you wonder why we don't like you!" -Trumpkin
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I liked it, but like mentioned above, it could of had a tad bit more of a description. I think that could easily be fixed with another chapter. Please, please continue! :)
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I liked it a lot. Ihope that there is more!
"The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." -Lucille Ball



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