Eden's Star (Chapter 2)

A/N: I'm so so sooooo Sorry that I haven't been posting anything lately. I when in VC with my family and then got really sick so writing hasn't been my top priority, but I'm back so hopefully I'll post more soon. But until then enjoy Chapter 2!

Mouths passed and seasons soon changed, with no sigh of Seth since that warm summer night. It was now fall and Alex had spent every night on the roof in hopes of getting a glimpse of the mysterious boy.

"Maybe, I imagined it all." She sighed, rolling over on her side to stare at the blinking red lights on the clock, 2:57 A.M. She let out an irritated groan before getting up and walking into the kitchen in search of some coffee. Brewing a pot, she poured a glass and plopped down on the large, fluffy couch. Alex rested her head against the head rest and closed her eyes and soon fell asleep.

She dreamt of a man in his thirties, with long jet black hair and eyes the color of blood. He was tall and muscular, he reminded her somewhat of Seth. The man was dressed in all black and held something. A brilliant white light radiated of the small stone in his large hands. He looked around nervously as he dropped the stone into a giant lake that mirrored the night sky with millions of stars reflecting in the clear water.

The stone fell through the water at an alarmingly fast rate. Blue flames engulfed it as it cut through the heavens and down to earth. The streets of London were completely empty of people, besides the couple walking home. They held hands tightly and the women with long gold hair looked up curiously at the sky as the falling star crashed into her. There was a flash of bright light and Alex shot up, gasping.

She was drenched in sweat and her heart was pounding painfully against her ribs. Getting up off the couch she purred her untouched coffee down the sink and went back to her bedroom. Collapsing on her bed her stared up at the ceiling as images of her nightmare danced around in her head, "Mom, Dad?" she whispered into the darkness as the picture of the happy couple came into her thoughts. She covered her face with her arm as tears began to swell up in her eyes.

Why was she having dreams of the family she never met? Her mother died during child birth and her father abandon her shortly after she was born. The only things she knew about them where from the stories and pictures her grandparents use to show her when she was younger. Confused and exhausted Alex closed whipped her tears and closed her eyes once more, falling back o sleep.

Hours later Alex was once again woken up. This time by the annoying sound of her phone ringing in her ear. Cursing she rolled out of bed and crawled over to the dirty pile of clothes in the conner of the room, digging thought it until she found her jeans from yesterday and pulled out the blue cell phone out of its back pocket.

"Hello." She yawned, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Asked the cheerful boy on the other end.

"Sleeping. Who is this?"

The boy laughed lightly at his friend angry tone, Alex was not a morning person, "It's me Dustin."

Alex gasped, "Oh my god, Dustin, I'm sooo sorry I didn't know." She apologized. Dustin let out another laugh letting her know that it was okay, "Why are you calling me so early in the morning?"

"Morning? Honey, it's past Noon."

Alex looked up at her clock, sure enough it was 2:36 P.M., "Dammit!" she shouted, jumping up and getting dressed for the day, phone still in hand.

Dustin laughed hysterically as Alex cursed herself on the other end, "Anyway," he started after she was done, "I was wondering if you wanted to hangout tonight. My band is performing at the Underground and I thought it would be a great idea if you came and watched."
"
Yea, sounds great, I'll be there." She promised. They said their goodbyes and hung up.

A/N: Sorry it's so short, but that's the best I can come up with, but it will get better for sure. Thanks for reading!

Hi there! Well, I can't quite tell if you have improved on this part for I haven't read the first part. But still, I think I'm catching up. You really did well in describing characters and you are very good with details. I can say that you are indeed a writer. But I think you should be careful of things that may not be acceptable in writing with discipline like using "sooo" instead of "so". The character may have prolonged the word when she said it, but I don't think it's appropriate to write the prolonged pronunciation. You can at least describe in a sentence how she said the line to portray it. However, some slang words like "Dammit" are acceptable.

Also, I have one nitpick that I think you might consider:

I was wondering if you wanted to hangout tonight. My band is performing at the Underground and I thought it would be great idea if you could come and watch."

This piece is really a good work, somehow. There are only a few improvements needed. Just keep revising because that's what writers do. More power!!

-Cam

"Mouths passed and seasons soon changed, with no sigh of Seth since that warm summer night. It was now fall and Alex had spent every night on the roof in hopes of getting a glimpse of the mysterious boy."
Months passed, not mouths. I'm not sure about spending the night on the roof every night just to catch a glimpse of someone who may or may not be dead/a hallucination. I would be wondering about the state of my mental health, thinking about him, trying to figure it out... But when you think about it, there's nothing that says he'll ever be on that roof again. It just doesn't seem particularly rational.
Then again, if she sat on the roof for a couple days looking for him, and then realized that she really likes it up there, and sat up there to watch the sunset every day just because she likes it (and maybe a little bit because of the boy who'd disappeared...) That seems a bit more plausible for me.

Why does she want to see this boy? Freaky crimson eyes, dangled her off a building, jumped off a building himself... Everything about this guy screams 'stay away'. So, why does she want to see him again so badly?

"and the women with long gold hair looked up curiously at the sky as the falling star crashed into her." We've never seen this woman before, so I think 'a' would be better than 'the'. Maybe she looks up curiously just before the star crashes into her, but if I had a star crashing into me, I would be freaking out, not being curious.

Again, remember to proofread. I'm seeing words out of place, like 'purred' instead of 'poured.'

What's been going on with her depression since Seth jumped off the building and disappeared? Has it gotten worse? Better? Does she leave the house often, or is she still isolating herself (in which case Dustin should have to prod her a little more to get her to agree to come to his band's performance)? Months passed, but were there any important developments we need to know about? Any unimportant developments?

I like the new revelation in the dream about the star crashing into the woman... Maybe this isn't a vampire story, or at least maybe there's something new coming to the table here. Maybe pull some of these differences into the first chapter, just so that the reader knows for sure, "This isn't the same thing you've read a million times before."

"Why was she having dreams of the family she never met?" Not crazy about this line, or the extensive amount of telling that comes after it. She could dream, and she could be dreaming about her parents, but if it's a true dream, she would probably know right off the bat - or in the moments just after waking - who the couple was. And she kind of does, to a certain extent, but... She made it sound like if it weren't for pictures, she wouldn't have recognized them. In a dream, you can generally know who people are if they're real life people, no matter how warped the dream is. I think.

*shrug*

Anyway, I think this has potential. Keep working on it, keep proofreading...

And keep writing. :]