The Lost Spirit

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Prologue:
There was not much to my life that I remember or remember clearly. Especially before I moved in with my foster family. The only key I have to unlock my past is a locket. Just a plan old silver locket that had some words on it that I didn’t know then. La Oen Ba De Com. If only I knew what those words meant back then, maybe I would be able to change the past and maybe my future. I thought that maybe my birth family gave it to me before they gave me away. That to me was some sort of way they told me they loved me.
My memories of life really didn’t start until I was six, when I was adopted by the Halters. I had a new mother, a father, and also an older sister. What else could I ask for? I was finally happy, or so I thought.


Chapter 1: Tears
Sitting up in my room, scared, holding my bear. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I heard Mama screaming "no more." The floor and walls were shaking. Daddy yelling "SHUT UP BITCH!" My door swung open. Becky came in and grabs my arm. "Come on Amania, lets go play a game." She took me to the attic and told me not to speak. We've played this game before. I was really good. Becky always got caught. Suddenly Becky grabbed me closer to her and put her hand over my mouth. We didn’t hear screaming anymore. Just footsteps. Closer and closer.
"Becky! Amania! Where are you? Come see Daddy!" The familiar smell if whisky filled the room. Becky held me tighter. I began to realize this wasn't a game anymore by the look of Becky’s tears. "GOD DAMN IT! WHERE ARE YOU?!" Daddy started throwing boxes out of his way. Becky took a marble out of her pocket and threw it across to the other side of the attic. The foot steps followed the sound. We started to make to sneak our way out toward the exit. "GET BACK HERE!" Daddy was angry. We ran faster.
Becky pulled me out of the way as Daddy was about to grab me and with a sharp gasp, he fell backwards down the stairs and crashed hes head brutally against the hall table. Carefully we snuck past his lifeless body. Becky told me not to look.
Coming up to Mommy's room, we opened the door and slammed it shut. I crept up to Mom. She was lying down covered up.
"Mama?" Becky cried out. She tried to shake her but she never moved. Becky grabbed my hand and let me out of the room. We rushed down the hall. I heard dad coming up behind us. He grabbed Becky.
She started screaming, "RUN, AMANIA! RUN!" I didn’t want to move, but I started to run as fast as I could.
I heard Becky screaming as I burst out the kitchen door. Looking behind me, I ran into Mr. Tompkins. He scooped me up and ran towards the street where a police car was. The lights of the car made me dizzy. A loud bang shot off and then there was blackness.

***Thank you for reading the first couple of chapters of my tale. There will be more so kept posted** :pirate2:




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Gender Female
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Okay, so this was pretty good. I like the idea of the story. There were a couple things that need fixing though.

La Oen Ba De Com.
These words need to be italicized.

Becky came in and grabs my arm.
'Grabs' is present tense and the majority of your story is past. 'Grabs' needs to be 'grabbed'.

Sitting up in my room, scared, holding my bear.
This sentence is a fragment. Fragments are okay, but only when you have some sentence before it supporting it. At this point it doesn't make sense.

For your overall piece, the prologue and chapter 1 don't really seem all that connected except for the part at the end about her family. Basically, you just need to add more detail. This is too short to get much out of it, but the idea is good. Keep trucking at it!

Cheers,
Luxe :D
...or dear Bellatrix, who likes to play with her food before she eats it?
Fear makes the wolf seem bigger.
I got attacked by a swan.



Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
— Martin Luther King Jr.