The Academy: Initiation Prologue

Prologue
Pain seared across his’s palm, a brilliant light filled his vision.
“We are the Academy." Okay, I'm so dreaming, he thought "This is the only safe place for you now that you've been marked out as a mage Alec. Within twenty-four hours, if you are not a student at the Academy, you’ll die. Good Luck” A glowing mark made of swirling ice blue lines appeared across his vision. He slipped into a dreamless sleep as the vision faded.

Well, this is intriguing, but I don't think it works well as a prologue. It makes me think of the descriptions on the back of books. Interesting, but not giving much information; maybe it's an excerpt, maybe not. I would suggest expanding this if you want it as a prologue.

Also, you may do well to start and end it at more interesting/suspenseful points.

Pain seared across Alec’s palm, a brilliant light filled his vision.
“Alec, we are the Academy. The only safe place for you now, you’ve been marked out as a mage Alec. Within twenty-four hours, if youare not a student at the academy, you’ll die. Good Luck” A glowing mark made of swirling ice blue lines appeared across his vision. Alec slipped into a dreamless sleep

One you forgot ARE hahah. No deal there its all good ^^. I say you need to add more; like where is Alec? What does he look like? What's the voice like? All these questions. You need to expand this; it captured my interest, yes, but it needs to be longer, you need to describe more. If you need help just PM me and I'll be willing to help. This has great potential. Now writing aside I LOVE THAT PROFILE PICTURE haha its cute. Anyways I hope you get many helpful reviews and keep up the good work. Happy Writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Soulkana<3

Hello, I am SweetMoments and I will review your piece of work today!

So, I first thought when I looked at this was "It's very short O_o" but that is okay but maybe make it longer or include it in the first chapter because otherwise us reviewers don't have much to review!

Prologue
Pain seared across Alec’s palm, a brilliant light filled his vision.
“Alec, we are the Academy. The only safe place for you now, you’ve been marked out as a mage Alec. Within twenty-four hours, if you not a student at the academy, you’ll die. Good Luck” A glowing mark made of swirling ice blue lines appeared across his vision. Alec slipped into a dreamless sleep.

Only one quite obvious nitpick stared out at me, and that is how many time Alec is used in the dialogue and all else. I know it is important to portray who the character is in this scene as it is in third-person but it sort of disrupts the flow a little bit with it repeating so much
Also while we are on the topic of dialogue, with the speech of the (person?) you cannot tell who, what or how they speak. This is important with writing as the reader needs to feel what the author or MC can feel.

That's all for now, PM me if you would like me to review any more of this novel. It seems interesting.
Good Luck! And sorry if I sounded a bit harsh.

Go Team PinkShearwater! I noticed you're on this team too. Cool! Haha I know this doesn't count one for the team yet but... meh.

EDIT

his’s

Only need his

I've posted it with the changes! Hope I didn't miss any

This seems interesting but it kind of reminds me of The House of Night Series. I don't know, it may just be me. But I do think this sounds like something I'd like to read. I can't wait to read the rest. Good job and good luck on your future writes.

Hey Wiz, Stella here!

I. NITPICKS

Pain seared across his’s palm,

his's? ... his?

Okay, I'm so dreaming, he thought

Full stop after thought.

that you've been marked out as a mage Alec.

Comma after mage.

Good Luck”

Full stop after luck.

II. OVERALL

Okay, really, this is too short to say much on. I'm not a very prologue-y person. I only like prologues if they have a purpose. Does this have a purpose? What does it tell us about the story that Chapter One can't? Obviously the dream is going to be explained and as such I'm a little sceptical. Not of the scene itself, but of its being a prologue. But I guess that isn't really important! Mostly, you need to clean up your grammar and you've got yourself a nice little (very little) suspenseful scene here.

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x

I agree with everyone else. This needs a little more work. I say give it some more length and detail.

This was interesting. I agree this is a little too short to be a prologue. So i suggesy making it longer abnd adding more details. You left a lot of unanswered questions. Other than that, this was good. It had great potential. Happy writing!!!

Hi wizkid515

I would have to agree with XxjustmeXx, your story sound very much like the house of night series.

I don’t mean to make any accusations but I just want to say, that if you’re using the house of night storyline as a kind of guide, I’d suggest that you at least try to make it unique!!

It already seems like you have ripped of too many of the HON ideas
So why don’t you change something to make it more of your own.
Like instead of the grandma, why not an older brothers or and uncle/aunt

i also think that you should change the -die in 24hours - to something else like a curse or something like that. There are no limitations when it comes to magic so be creative.

Please don’t get me wrong, I do like where you’re going with this and I am very interested in this story and would like to read more. So keep writing

-Cassie143-

This mostly belongs on the back of a book. You want to draw in the reader with the first sentence. Other than that, it does intrigue my interest.

I was reading this and thought it was really "capturing." My only problem is the same as others and that is that you need a longer prologue.